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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 8, 1996)
Steve WILLEY ©riven to drink Who savs college students have no ambition? College students nationwide have long been stereotyped by the older population as being drunken animals. Just because a few of us consume a few too many drinks on a few too many nights and play “tackling dummy” with a few too many bar patrons, we’re labeled irrespon sible and imma ture. While I agree with the fact that many of ...us drink more than we should, I can not subscribe to the idea that college students are drunken losers. Many college students drink regularly and still manage to be productive citizens. Some of us completely run a college newspaper. Others oversee the daily operations of our student government. And still others receive straight A’s while working full-time and putting themselves through college. All, in my opinion, are commendable. But it is those students who drink regularly and feel compelled to try their hand at fishing in Broyhill Fountain who receive the most attention. They’re the ones who give us all the bad rap. The key to drinking as a success ful college student is time manage ment. For example, students should learn to drink AFTER their 9:30 a.m. Spanish test. Also, you must realize that partying should be limited to days that your next-day schedule allows for. We MUST assume that when we drink, we are essentially as effective in life as a bowl of chili. Once we realize this, we can plan accordingly. I’ve already come to terms with this fact. After a few drinks, I’m the first to admit that I’m as worthless as Confederate money. Oh sure, I try to to accomplish pressing issues, such as playing Nintendo, but I only manage to get so tangled in the joy-stick cords that paramedics have to be called. Wanting to justify my theory ot worthlessness, I decided to conduct a few experiments with other people. I paid two of my friends to conduct separate tests. One friend had to play three games of bowling whHe continuously drinking. The other was required to study for a test in a bare basement room containing a keg. I asked them to record their thoughts so I could present them— scientifically mind you — in a column. Here’s how the bowling turned out. He writes: GAME 1:1 arrived at the bowling alley having already consumed the better part of a six-pack. I am bowling pretty consistently and am on track for a fairly high score. The waitress, who may or may not be Bohemian, is quite attractive. Her thighs are somewhat dimpled, but I can live with that. GAME 1 SCORE: 186. POST GAME QUOTE: “I’m friggin’ awesome.” GAME 2: I’m bowling OK, but as I consume more of my pitcher, my balls are veering uncontrollably towards the gutters. What’s strange is that I’m finding this absolutely hilarious! GAME 2 SCORE: 93. P.G. QUOTE: “I don’t know why my bowling is getting worser. It could be that while I was in the bathroom, someone doubled the number of pins at my. lane — I count 18! The waitress says she’s cutting me off.” GAME 3: Un-friggin’-believable! My first two throws ended in strikes yet the friggin’ computer won’t give me friggin’ credit for them! The waitress says its ‘cause I’m bowling on lane three and, oddly, I threw the strikes on lanes eight and 13. Whatda she know, anyway? Slowly, I’m finding myself attracted to the ball returner. GAME 3 SCORE: 7. P.G. QUOTE: “Look at me! I’m Diana Washington! (To waitress) Is you is, or is you ain’t, my baby!” BEERS I DONE DRANKED: 18. Just as I guessed, my friend was not nearly as productive after drinking as he thought he would be. I won’t get into the specifics of how my other friend fared. Let’s just say that I found him hours later in the basement using his textbook to swat at “owls” only he could see. On his note pad I found, “Screw this! I’m drinking!” scribbled frantically. There’s no doubt that drinking irresponsibly causes problems for students. I should know; I’ve probably had more than most. I’ve done jail time for many things in my life, including having my way with a neighbor’s mailbox at 3:41 a.m. But I don’t know that I regret any of those problems, as they have been invaluable learning experiences for me. I also have become much better friends with certain people and it is my belief that drinking has enhanced some of those relationships. If that makes me an alcoholic, then I confess my guilt. (EDITOR S NOTE: Steve, you are NOT an alcoholic. You are a drunk.) Just remember students, it is imperative that we’re productive if we are to defeat this stereotype. Students who choose to drink must not let it bring them down. And as long as you work hard, make the grades and drink responsibly, who cares if you want to pretend you’re a crawfish and go around pinching everyone on the nose? I see no problems. Unless of course your “everyone” includes District Judges and law officers, in which case you should pinch then tushes. Willey is a senior news-editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. /yarniVj f n»fr\RjS5»NPTL. 1 S CLINTON HAS MCRAL, i 1 ETHICAL AND CRIMINAL j 1 P5SP£MS,AND\ET,rr 1 I REFLECTS OFF HM1
