Don’t bother trying to call me. My
phone is going to be off the hook for
a few months. I’ve decided to
become a hermit until next summer.
It may sound a little rash, but for
the sake of my sanity it has to be
done. I can’t take the prenuptial hell
anymore. If I have to see (me more
bridal magazine, I may need to be
prescribed Lithium.
One should really be happy for
their friends when they become
engaged, and 1 am. Really, I am. But
something strange overcomes a
woman who is planning a wedding
—a sort of unexplained matrimonial
fever that persists from the day of
engagement ‘til the day of wedded
bliss.
Unfortunately, my friends have
contracted the fever. They’ve lost the
- will to converse about anything other
than taffeta and lace. I recently spent
two hours on the phone discussing
the pros and Cons of gold embossed
invitations.
They carry around scraps of
fabric and pictures of their
bridesmaid’s dresses in their purses.
TTiey’re much like parents of young
children who incessantly get out
photos to show anyone who happens
to be standing around.
“Would you like to see the dresses
I’m going to have for my brides
maids?”
“No, that’s OK. I’ll wait and be
surprised at the wedding.”
“No, really you must see than.
Don’t you just love the bodice? Look
I have the fabric with me too! Touch
it, it’s so lovely... I said touch it
dammit!!”
It’s become a little game with me.
If I have to succumb to forum
discussions about the high price of
unity candles, I should at least get to
have a little fun with them.
“Gee, I don’t know if you want to
send gold embossed invitations. They
just seem to scream out gaudy. I’m
getting flashes of my aunt Gladys.”
“Oh, oh, you’re right. I thought
they would be elegant, but l see your
Something strange
overcomes a woman
who is planning a
wedding—a sort of
unexplained matri
monial fever that
persists from the *
day of engagement
‘tU the day of
wedded bliss.”
point. How about simple calligraphy
hand-printed inside with a lovely wax
seal on the outside? I saw it on the
Martha Stewart show.”
“Oh no, honey, that just screams
poor. You might as well go to Kmart
and get the $3 packaged ones if
you’re going to do that.”
She begins weeping uncontrolla
bly.
Maybe I just don’t understand.
I’m already married, but I had a
small intimate gathering of family
and friends. One friend of mine is
inviting 800 people to her wedding. I
don’t even know 800 people. I’d
have to go around inviting strangers
to the wedding to even come close to
hitting the capacity of the church.
“Excuse me, but I’m getting
married in a month, and I know you
don’t know ipe, but I notice from
yourshopping cart that you share my
love of pork rinds. Could I persuade
you to come?” ;
On top of having to endure
endless hours of talk about reception
centerpieces mid the perfect cham
pagne flutes to toast with, I also get
to look forward to being in the
weddings and wearing the lovely
attendant’s dresses.
I will admit, my friends do have
good taste. The dresses they choose
for the bridesmaids and attendants
are beautiful. There isn't a lime green
or fuchsia dress among them. And
unlike other bridesmaids dresses I’ve
seen, the material doesn’t look the
least bit flammable.
But with beauty comes {nice. And
ifyou know anything about wedding
traditions, the bridesmaids pay for
their own dresses. My friends have
tried to cushion die fiscal Wows by
telling me that I will be aWe to wear
the dresses later. Ihe only way 1
would ever have the opportunity to
wear these dresses again would be if
Vanna White needed me to fill in on
“Wheel of Fortune.”
The people I feel truly sorry for
are the husbands-to-be. 1 can lock my
doors and disconnect my phone, but
they can’t avoid their fiancees. I’m
convinced that men must have some
sort of hormone that lets them block
out useless noise. This is theonly
way these couples could ever end up
getting married. Without this
hormone, the men would pack up
their bags and move to Mexico. .
I want to end this column by
letting my friends know that even
though my ears bleed when I’m
forced to hear the Lionel Richie
songs that will'be sung at their
weddings, I do support them in their
quest for the perfect nuptials.
And for my friend who called last
night and wanted advice on hors
d’oeuvres, I say forget the liver pate
and shrimp. Go with the beenie
weenies. Thist me, guests love beenie
weenies.
Lanape is a senior news-editorial
and English major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
SOME THINGS ABE MEANT TO BE CLOSED
YOUR MIND ISN’T ONE OF THEM.
For decades, MDA has shown how valuable people with
disabilities are to society. We believe talent, ability and
I desire are more important than strength of a person’s
| muscles. The one barrier these people can’t overcome *
I is a closed mind. Keep yours open.
MUSCULAR
DYSTRO TtS&M’i ^
lift''11
Comer of llthft K
477-3513 I
mamma
B -3- —*—-T—.1--1
pans ft Lonoon wronm soioy aoroaa
IntematlonaiAffiaifS • 472-5358• 1z37 *R SI.
wnai: ialaire@unWoajrt.edu
website: ht^v'/Www.iafairs.uni.edu
DEADUNEOCTI2.1996
. .
Women's Studies international Colloquium Series
Soraya Cardenas, Graduate Student, Dept, of Sociology
Water Consumption: A Cross-Cultural Analysis
Lydia Kualapai, Graduate Student, Dept, of English
Hawaii: An Emerging Nation
TODAY, 3:30 p.m., City
2M miterarv
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