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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 9, 1996)
Unrb Ml take fame, but forget the misfortune I want to be famous. I don’t want to be bad-famous like the Unabomber or the Antichrist. Seems that would leave me too prone to hate mail or prison terms or I general nitpick ing by people with higher moral standards. I don’t want to be rock star-famous. Heroin is really not my cup of tea. Neither is suicide or being wasnea up arter two aioums. I don’t want to be Bill Clinton famous. Too hard to keep all those diametrically opposed opinions tied in a cuddly bow and shellacked with a voter-friendly lacquer. Ibo many love interests of whom to keep track and too many fries with my too many milk shakes. I don’t want to be Bob Dole famous. Too much public jaundice toward my age and too many photographers around when I fall off platforms. I don’t want to be Tommy and Pamela Lee-famous. Ibo many bad evenings with the paparazzi flock. Too much of the f-word in my conversations with the paparazzi. Too much ink on my arms, too much silicone in my boobs, too much talent walking in die opposite direction. I don't want to be football player famous. People would expect me to obey the same laws as not famous people. People would also expect me to obey laws better than not famous people. I don’t want to be Muhammad Ali-famous. I don’t take punches so ft— I don’t want to be rock star-famous. Heroin is really not my cup of tea. Neither is suicide or being washed up after two albums.’’ well. I can’t handle loss of control so well. I can’t stay smiling so well. Patrick Monaghan paid me a dollar to put his name in my column. This is the Ross Perot method of becoming famous. Some people might find this route unappealing, like my roommate who said, *T think blatant self-promotion is despicable. I would never ask someone to use Justin Jackson in a column because Justin Jackson is not synonymous with prima donna. Justin Jackson is synonymous with humility, and you can quote me on that.” This is the . Eddie Vedder tactic in which you become famous by virtue of despis ing fame. I don’t want to be either Perot-famous or Vedder-famous. Shooting the President, referred to as the Hinckley Approach (previ ously known as the Oswald Process, formerly called the Czolgosz Solution, originally titled the John Wilkes Booth Experiment) is one way of becoming famous. But I don’t want to shoot Bill all that much and besides, I’m morally opposed to murder. Becoming an astronaut can make you famous, but only if you’re one of the first to land on the moon or if your space shuttle blows up or if you get stuck on the space station with the Russians for too long and you miss several of your children’s birthdays. I wouldn’t mind being Warren Buffet-famous except that this sort of fame can lead to becoming Lindbergh baby-famous or, with enough reckless abandon, Patty Hearst-famous. I would like to be novelist famous, but only as long as it’s not Ernest Hemingway-famous who died a depressed alcoholic or Danielle Steele-famous who gets snickers every time she claims to be a serious writer. I would like to be film director famous, but only as long as it’s not Preston Sturges-famous who died out-of-work and underappreciated or Robert Zemeckis-famous who gets snickers every time he claims to he a serious director. I’d want to be screenwriter famous except that screenwriters aren’t famous unless they are Joe Eszterhas, but nobody wants to be Eszterhas-famous. I don’t want to be Pee Wee Herman-famous. Too much time spent at X (and every number of X’s thereafter)-rated movies. Too much Pee Wee for public consumption. Too much explaining to do. I don’t want to be Hugh Grant famous. Too much “Sunset Strip” bravado. Too much curiosity. Too nuch squirming in late night guest seats with too many sheepish grins between too many stuttered British expressions. Beatles-famous might be good if only it didn’t suddenly split into Paul McCartney-famous, George Harrison-famous, Ringo Starr famous, and late John Lennon famous only to re-emerge decades later into whatever famous it was that brought us the Beatles Anthology. I don’t want to be Vanilla Ice famous. It, like Eszterhas-famous, is fame nobody wants. As is Bob Saget famous. When you’re famous you get nonstop, ever-evolving throngs of adulators. Entourages make your previously mundane trips to the supermarket life-affirming as they heap praise onto your selection of asparagus. You never have to worry about your checks being cashed, as it is likely everyone you encounter will want your signed promissory note for a keepsake. When you’re famous, you get yes-men and women who want to tear off your clothes in frenzied hysteria. And you get stalkers. Jpg. I don’t want to be OJ. Simpson famous. Too much of a guilty conscience. Too few thoughts of my dead wife. Too much time for golf. I don’t want to be Tupac Shakur famous. But I do want to be famous. Albracht is a junior philosophy major and a Daffy Nebraskan columnist Coming of age is much more than living a number of years. It is about self-understanding and commitment to self-discovery. I implore you to live life to its iuHest. Use every ounce of energy you have to cherish the beauty and knowledge the world has to offer you. Craning ofageisthe realization that you have an I «— Coming of age is about embracing your life and dedicating yourself to continual growth— stamping out the stymieing nature of the status quo.” Enjoy the immensity of discover ing who you are! Don’t be afraid of your weaknesses, your eccentricities or your strengths. Confront each and let them make you stronger. Empowerment is no longer just a corporate buzz word. It is the banner which hangs upon the staff of life. Empowerment is looking in the mirror and seeing a survivor looking back. . A survivor isn’t a battle-tom, bitter human. Instead, a survivor wraps himself in the magnitude of his life. He cuddles within the patchwork of friends, family and experience. believe the work? is cnSlorhanSf' l° You realize that your world is what you make of it-— it is not handed irrevocably to you. And if that’s true —and 1 believe it is —-make it the best! Create magic. Surround yourself with that which is beautiful Take the platter of offerings and relish the choices. Celebrate each morsel of experience because both the bad and the good are nutritious; even the bitter nutrients make you stronger. Ultimately isn't that the goal of aging? Growing stronger, mentally and physically? So do it—grow stronger and use your refusal to be completely satisfied as fodder. Remember that perseverance and commitment to growth can be the soul’s adhesive in times of adversity. And after you make it through the tough times, take a moment to swirl around and around in giddy delight with the knowledge that you did it. Challenge yourself to come of age. When you encounter mediocrity — laugh. Then promise yourself that you’ll never settle for less than complete fulfillment; compromise is an unacceptable alternative. An important part of coming of age is refusing to feel inconsequen tial. Remember that your actions never have to be isolated. So take a day, a week, a year—a lifetime—to bask in the warmth and comfort of knowing you can love yourself. Self-love is healthy. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! The best thing about self-love is that it will never turn its back on you. Craning of age is being comfort able to live your life for you. After all, you’re the only one you have to live with the rest of your life. Kennedy is n senior broadcast ing nnd advertising major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist.
