Nick
WILTGEN
Political scales are tipped against outsiders
They say .one man’s trash is
another man’s treasure. One man’s
loss, another man’s gain. And so on.
Maybe somebody should check
the math. When it comes to this
year’s
puuuvai
debates, the
1 scales seem to
be tipped a bit
more steeply.
This
summer, a
debate for
Nebraska’s
U.S. Senate
candidates
was canceled
because public television officials
didn’t want to let Libertarian Pally
candidate John DeCamp participate.
Federal law prohibits public broad
casters from excluding ballot
qualified candidates from debates
they sponsor.
More visibly, the Commission on
Presidential Debates has flexed its
muscle to exclude all third-party
candidates from October’s presiden
tial and vice-presidential debates.
Reform Party candidate Ross Perot
has brought the commission’s
unethical standards into the spot
light, but he’s not the only one
who’s been excluded. Libertarian
Party candidate Harry Browne
(whom I will be voting for) is, like
Perot, on the ballot in all 50 states.
Yet he has not only been excluded
from the debates, but from most
media coverage (the libertarian
Party convention was aired an C- ,
-SPAN, but received scant attention
from the major television networks).
M
The U.S. Constitution mentions nothing
about political parties. They were not
meant to be a defining factor in the
mechanisms of democracy and govern
ment”
Numbers and polls aside, the feet
that fee commission has chosen to
exclude all third-party candidates
demonstrates a fundamental
corruption of America’s democratic
process. The U.S. Constitution
mentions nothing about political
parties. They were not meant to be a
defining factor in the mechanisms of
democracy and government.
No matter. Clinton and Dole, in
their campaign speeches on many
other issues, have shown their
thorough disregard for the Constitu
Natural law Party candidate John
Hagelin is cn the ballot in 45 states,
and he has also been excluded.
The Commission denied Perot
(not to mention Browne and
Hagelin) a spot in the debates
because they claim he has “no
realistic chance” of winning the
election.
Of course, some would say that
given his dismal showing in the
polls, Bob Dole has no “realistic”
chance of winning either. But what
exactly is a “realistic chance”?,Qne
ifa three? One in 10? One
tion. Now, their approval of limiting
national debates to the two major
parties shows another character
trait. If s clear that the Democrat
and Republican parties are afraid of
third parties and afraid of their new
ideas. The two major parties know
they are running our nation into the
ground. So instead of opening
dialogue to parties with fresh ideas,
they play judge, jifry and execu
tioner. They judge third-party
candidacies as having “no realistic
chance” of winning, declare them
guilty of irrelevance, and sentence
them to life in the shadows while
Clinton and Dole bask in the
inherited limelight of political
dominance.
Perhaps this year the Commis
sion acted as it did because it knows
itwon’thnve another chance to da
the same. The cards are stacked
against the Democrats and Republi
cans.
Forty percent of Americans are
now registered as Independents,
compared to about 30 percent jeach ...
fat the Democrats and Republicans.
(Many of those 40 percent may in
spirit be members of third parties,
but due to draconian ballot-access
restrictions imposed by the two
major parties, they cannot register
with those parties.)
Furthermore, the advent of the
Information Age will further weaken
the major parties by decentralizing
the information industry. No longer
will a few TV networks or a few
newspaper or magazine editors
decide which political issues capture
the public’s attention. Anyone with a
bone to pick can start up a home
page on the World Wide Web and
generate public discussion on an
honest, grass-roots level, with a
wider audience than ordinary
citizens could ever have had before.
The Internet is proving to be
fertile ground for discussion of new
viewpoints on government, politics,
and social issues. In fact, Harry
Browne leads both Clinton and Dole
in several Internet polls — showing
that when third parties are visible,
they can be powerful. And that is
exactly why Democrats and Republi
cans are recoiling in fear, claws
extended, to prevent anyone from
stealing their thunder.
And so there will be only Clinton
and Dole debating on TV on Oct. 6.
A big gain for two men. But a big
loss for die other 259,999,998 of us.
By my calculations, that’s
129,999,999 people’s loss for one -
man’s gain.
Wtitgen is a junior broadcast
ing aid meteorology major and a
Daily Nebriaskaa cotumdist ;
Kasey
KERBER
Macarena massacre
The ‘Hokey Pokey’ of the ’90s must die now
Let me tell you a story...
Once upon a time there was a
boy who took a week to scale the -
tallest mountain in the world. Upon
pulling his weary body onto the final
ledge, he found
a half-naked old
man.
The boy
asked: “Wise
old man, can
you tell me the
secret of life?"
The old
man shook his
head.
The boy pondered, “Can you tell
me how to meet women? ”
Once again the old man shook
his head.
The boy now grew frustrated
“Fine then, what can you tell me? "
The old man smiled “I can tell
you a secret that will bring you dll
the happiness you seek.”
Upon consideration, the boy
decided not to push die old man off
the ledge and instead asked,
“What’s the catch?” -
“Jim must survive one of two
tortures. If you can, all you desire
shall be yours.”
The young man nodded “Name
them.”
1Jump off this ledge or dance die
Macarena. ” :
Thirty seconds later there was a
sound that echoed through all the
a
The song has been on the Billboard
charts for 36 weeks now — some
condoms don’t even have a shelf life of
that long.”
land. It bounced off mountain walls,
became lost in deep dark caves and
confused all who heard iL It
sounded sort of like, well, like...
Splat- f .
The old man grimaced "Damn.
That was die fourth one this week. ”
The Macarena. If you haven’t
done it, consider yourself a lucky
human being.
Everyone else has.
Everyone? Yeah, everyone.
Delegates did it at the Demo
cratic National Convention. A ■ • ■ *.
packed Yankee stadium did it during
the seventh-inning stretch. All the
MTV Vfc did it in a commercial.
Even A1 Gore, Bob Dole and
Saddam Hussem have done it in
recent editorial cartoons.
hfy question is... for the love of
God—WHY!?!!? „
You see, Pm not in love with the
Macarena. I’m not in love with die
song, the girls in the video, the
actual dance itself or the 60-year--old
women I saw cm TV trying to do it. ■
I want one and only one thing: its
death.
Yes, I officially call for the death
of the Macarena. The song has been
cm the Billboard charts for 36 weeks
now—some condoms don't even
have a shelf life of that long.
The Macarena had its moment.
Now it deserves to join the ranks of
Billy Ray Cynis* “Achy Breaky
Heart" dance and the '80s fad of
breafe-danping.
Yetthe question arises—how do
we kill the Macarena? >
My solution is to create a new
shooting video game that would
rival the latest editions of Area 51 or
lethal Enforcers.
v v I call it: Shoot the Macarena. The
object of the game is to shoot any
person doing die Macarena. You’d
also be allowed to shoot people
singing the Macarena, buy^g the
single or those who are attempting
toshow others how die Macarena is
done.
The final level? You square off
against every chick in that
“Macarena” video and go face to
face with the “Bayside Boys,” those
two old guys in the video who
couldn’t lip-sync to save their
families. ; „
By the way, if for some crazy
reason you do want to learn how to
do theMacarena before my loyal
followers destroy it, follow these
easy steps:
1. Go to a disco.
2. Wait for “Macarena” to play
(you will recognize it because it will
be played every second song).
3. Put your right palm in the air.
4. Put your left palm in the air.
5. Put your right hand in your
pocket.
6. Dislodge the concealed
firearm.
7. Find the DJ.
8. Shoot the DJ.
• v- 9-Repeat.
s With these easy-to-follow steps,
you’ll make the most of the
Macarena while it’s still around.
Just don’t forget the ammo, because
fads tend to take a lot of slugs before
they bite the dust... * V
Kerber is a
editorial major and a Daily
