The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, September 09, 1996, Page 5, Image 5

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    HofiffloN
Remote chances
TV’s fall lineup is, like, so five minutes ago
What fall television event gets
more hype than the MTV music
awards? Causes more tears than the
Jerry Lewis telethon? Ladies
and gentleman, it’s the network fall
- linAimt
I The
revolution will be
televised. Again.
I consider
this fall’s lineup
to be a return to
the magical,
mystical ’80s.
Walk with me as
WmBm 1 fondly recall
those yesterdays when capitalism
thrived, and we as a country knew
who our enemies were ...
I personally thought they were in
the White House, but there are those
who would disagree. I think it’s
pretty convenient that Ronald
Reagan screwed us over for eight
years, and now he can’t remember
anything.
The White House aside, this fall’s
’80s comeback will be marked by
familiar faces. Bill Cosby returns as
the All-American TV dad, smarter
than Ward Cleaver, better dressed
than Tim the Tbolman. Oh boy, I
can’t wait.
My mom used to schedule my
parent-teacher conferences around
“The Cosby Show.” The bad thing
about that was it was always the one
where Vanessa got a D and didn’t
want to show her parents. Like that
wasn’t rigged.
Let’s not forget that cute little
Michael J. Fox, on top of the kitchen
counter, straightening his tie. I’m
hoping that in his new show, “Spin
City,” there will be a lot of tie
straightening. It’s like watching LL
Cod J lick his lips.
For those of you mourning the
loss of “Knight Rider,” never fear—
“Boobwatch” will return, David
Hasselhoff in tow. And now that
Pamela Lee had a baby, there should
be even more boob to watch.
I will admit that I am looking
forward to seeing the network
version of “Clueless.” I know it’s
stupid, but there will be a wealth of
hair tips for middle-school girls, and
boys of all ages will enjoy watching
dumb babes talk nonsense and fling
their hair—look at how long
“Three’s Company” lasted.
Of course, Fox is forcing another
season of “Beverly Hills 90210” on
us again. Haven’t they all slept with
each other yet? I thought it would be
good when Valerie the Vamp came
( WttATTX) T1€V UM" FRCM US ?
( MOST OP OUR PRIME-TIME SHOWS
V ARE AU&APV UrcrTTEVl ATTWE
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on, but she went through those guys
faster than Heather Locklear on
“Melrose Place”—the “Dallas” of
the ’90s.
I can’t wait for all those “X-Files
knockoffs, either. A newspaper that
tells the future... let me guess, the
guy is tom between helping people
and taking the cash for the day’s
lottery. However, the award for
stupidest fall show goes to ABC for
two reasons: 1) “Dangerous Minds”
wasn’t even a movie you .could
believe in; and 2) Annie Potts as an
ex-Marine? Let me guess—now
she’s a ninja. ABC hasn’t pulled
anything this dumb since “Cop
Rock,” that bad blend of “Hill Street
Blues” and “West Side Story.” I bet
somebody lost their key to die
executive washroom for that idea.
So, viewers, beware. It’s the best
of times, it’s the worst of times. Just
keep your remote handy.
Hollimon is a senior broadcast
ing major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist
Anthony
NGLTYtiJN
Computerphobesled the byte: Ignorcaux hertz
Netizens of the world unite! The
call has gone out for those who
believe in the demigodhood of the
computer to unite and overthrow the
shackles of oppression from
muvu TTVWV
subjugated to live
in an e-mail-and
Worid-Wide
Web-less
information
superhighway-to
nowhere life. The
meek shall inherit
the earth ‘eanse
that’s where we’ll
put ‘era. We shall see the bodies of
our enemies strewn before us, their
pitiful lamentations music to our
ears, as our throne perches on the
backs of the weak. It is time to put
the computer illiterate out of our
misery.
Of course, for those who don’t
live, eat or breathe computers, this
hyped-up, spastic barrage means
nothing more than the onset of
dementia. But it does mean more. As
we move towards a more informa
tion- and technology-based society,
the computer is and will become
more important within the American
household. We’ve seen it with the
Microsoft commercials asking
“Where do you want to go today?”
and the Big Blue (IBM) commercials
stressing that it offers “Solutions for
a small planet.”
I'll admit it, I want to go to the
top of Forbes’ Richest Persons in the
World list—with the solution for
our planet being that it's my planet.
(Realistically, though, the probability
of thia occurring is die same as my
chances of playing rush end for the
Cornhxiskers). But if I ever get to that
«
I can't swim, but I can surf the Net like a
wild man running down the street naked
with beans in one hand and a hot dog in
the other."
point, it will be partially through the
support of computers.
I’m not a computer science or
engineering major (if you’ve ever
bothered to lode at the blurbs about
DN columnists). I haven’t written a
program in a computer language like
C++ that did anything to calculate
the diffusion of methane from cows’
flatulence in a dorm room. I don’t
have seizures when network traffic
bogs down and I can’t connect to the
Internet. I haven’t surfed the Net for
a “meaningful relationship.” You’re
not going to see me on national
television saying I felt “lost” or
“lonely” when my Internet access
was denied. But I was there when
penny loafers and TRS-80s were
king, so I’m old enough to know that
what we’ve got is something revolu
tionary.
Computer literacy will allow us to
be there for the dawn of the 21st
century. “But I’m doing something
that won’t require a computer,” you
might say. Like what? Is there truly
any profession which doesn’t require
some knowledge about computers?
Computers can be used in every
conceivable profession: from doctors
who make 3-D images of fee human
mind, to an artist who communicates
with her peers over the Internet, to
the lowly DN columnist who types
away at his computer while his evil,
overlord opinion editor... whoops —
(message to myself: strike this).
The computer is (me of the few
tools that can make us part of the
“haves” rather than the “have-nots.”
People laugh, though, when it comes
to such claims as this. Computers are
for nerds and eggheads, they say. Or
computers are for perverts and
predators of the weak. That’s just
plain B.S. Are cars for drive-bys?
Telephones for people with breathing
difficulties? Microwaves for boxers
on cold winter days? Anything can
be misused.Instead of just looking at
the bad, we should recognize that
computers can empower us to reach
plateaus of humanity we never would
have thought possible. Not humanity
necessarily in the sense thatwe’ll
become philanthropic, but that we’ll
be aware of other people and culture:
—in general, the world.
I can get on-line and look at a wel
site in Russia, Japan, South Africa—
places I can’t visit on a college
student’s budget (a budget that, as I
keep telling my mom to no avail,
well, sucks). I can’t swim, but I can
surf the Net like a wild man running
down the street naked, with beans in
one hand and a hot dog in the other.
(OK, so Lincoln isn’t as liberal as
Boston was). But the point is, I can
leave Lincoln, Nebraska, for an hour
or two and explore the world.
Computers won’t eliminate the art
► of conversation if you don’t let ‘em.
You won’t become one of the few
who sit at their computers all night in
their underwear, with Cheetos
crumbs stuck in rolls of body fat,
typing furtive messages to people
saying things like “Hairspray is a
conspiracy of the alien invasion
force”—as lqpg as you realize
computers are a part of daily life, not
life itself.
I’m not saying that computers
alone will make us more moral.
Alone they’re not going to make us
treat our fellow person with dignity.
Computers alone won’t eliminate
racism, poverty, war. But through
their use, we can facilitate changes.
We stand on the brink of a
revolution—a revolution in which
people in every part of the world will
have the ability to communicate with
others, rather than dictate to them.
But this ability depends on our own
personal efforts to use computers
effectively.
The head of IBM in the 1940s
predicted a world-wide market of
about five computers, with none
whatsoever in homes. He was slightly
wrong. Today there are more than 30
' million PCs in America alone, both
in offices and homes.
» Not everyone will go out and
become the next Bill Gates, but we
need to be aware that if we don’t pay
attention to computers, we stand to
lose more than just sleep.
Nguyen is a senior biochemistry
- and philosophy mnjor and a Daily
• Nebraskan columnist