Brent
POPE
Conviction contradiction
GOP candidate’s campaign is incongment
Bob Dole is making it all too
easy for Bill Clinton to remain
president for a second term. TVue, hi
did receive a boost in the polls after
the Remiblican
I National
Convention.
According to
some polls, he
trimmed
Clinton’s 22
point lead to 8
percent. But he
has also made
some big
mistakes that
might cost him
any chance he has of winning the
election. He simply keeps contradict
ing himself. Here are just a few
examples:
MORAL DILEMMA
Dole talks about his commitment
to morals, but he maintains that
smoking has no link to lung cancer.
And while there is no scientific
proof that smoking causes cancer,
the rate of the disease among
smokers is so much higher than witl
nonsmokers that it should be
obvious. If someone keeps kicking
me in the rear and I turn around and
there’s just one guy standing there, I
have no proof that he kicked me.
But after I got kicked four or five
times, I would get the picture. Mr.
Dole knows this to be hue as well;
he just doesn’t want to lose the
support of the wealthy tobacco
industry. So much for morality.
BURNING BRIDGES
He says he is dedicated to
bringing in African-American voter!
who traditionally vote for the
Democrats. But when the NAACP
had its convention in July, Dole
thought it was more important to
attend the Major League Baseball
All-Star Game. Then, last week at a
National Association of Black
5 Journalists Convention, he said that
the reason he didn’t speak at the
event was because he didn’t know
when the NAACP convention was.
Come on! How stupid does he think
we are? If you are running for
president of the United States, you
know when the NAACP convention
is being held. If you don’t, you are
sending the message that you either
don’t care about getting the African
American vote, or you know you
can’t get it.
AGE-OLD CONCERN
I don’t believe you should put a
lot of stock in Dole being over 70
- years old, but a lot of people do. So
it makes little sense that he selected
Jack Kemp for three reasons:
1) Kemp would be the oldest vice
president for a first-term president
in American history. So his nomina
tion does nothing to appease those .
who are concerned about Dole’s age.
2) Kemp has very different
political views from Dole. So if you
i vote for Dole and his health takes a
turn for the worse, all of a sudden
you have a president with a much
different agenda than the one you
voted for.
3) Kemp is corny. If he gives (me
more football analogy (i.e., I’m the
blocker, he’s the quarterback, we’re
going to the Super Bowl, and we’re
going to win), I am going to puke.
CENSORED FREEDOM
Dole talks a lot about giving the
power back to the people instead of
with the government. But at the
; same time he is a proponent of
censorship in literature, music,
movies and television. Those two
things totally contradict each other.
You can’t give people the power to
govern themselves and then tell
them what they can and can’t read,
listen to cm- watch. Why can’t you
leave censorship up to the parents
and the adults? You know, like in
the good old days.
MONEY MATTERS
He wants to give everyone a 15
percent tax cut across the board and
balance the deficit at the same time.
But when asked how this can be
done, Dole says that all the figures
aren’t worked out yet Then how
does he know it can work? Just last
week he promised veterans that he
wouldn’t touch their benefits, and he
promised senior citizens that he
wouldn’t touch social security. And
at the Republican National Conven
tion he promised to bring our armed
forces bade to the glory of the
Reagan years, so the money defi
nitely isn’t coming from the Depart
ment of Defense. Maybe David
Copperfield should be his running
mate. Then he could just make the
deficit disappear. (Besides, everyone
likes to look at Claudia Schiffer).
QUICK FIX
During his Republican nomina
tion speech, Dole said some things
that were just too obvious to men
tion. For instance, he said, “Bob
Dole likes ideas.” That is so astute.
Who doesn’t like ideas? Who wrote
that speech, Ihrzan? I hope Bob
Dole likes ideas, because he needs to
come up with some new ones that
don’t contradict his other convic
tions.
Dole is running against a
president with an approval rating
over 50 percent, which is very good.
And Bill Clinton now has the
Democratic National Convention to
help further his cause. So Bob Dole
needs to come up with some quick
solutions to his incongruencies, or
November’s presidential election
will be the largest blowout since
Rush Limbaugh bent over wearing
those tight spandex stretch pants.
Pope is a senior broadcasting
major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist
Heather
LAMPE
Selling ladies’ shoes: a courageous act
It always starts out so innocently:
“Your total comes to $65.89. Will
that be cash, check or charge?”
But I guess I should know the
signs by now. I should have known
when I saw the
whites of her
eyes turn red
and ha nostrils
flare like a bull
thatlwasin
trouble.
“Excuse
me, but what
did you say the
total was?” she
asks as her
forehead begins to contort. “That
isn’t right. Those were on
SALE!!!!” she screams in a voice
that rivals Linda Blair’s in the
“Exorcist*’movies.
“I’m sony ma’am. These boots
are new for Ml. Only the merchan
dise on that table is on sale,” I
answer. I tiy not to shake or show
fear, even though I’m about to soil
my pants. Expats say that when a
wild animal senses fear, it attacks.
“What kind of scam is this???
I’m not paymg that much for those!!
Who is die manager?? I want to
5 speak widi the manager!U! , ., , ^
Whahhhhh!!!!!” she bellows as her
head begins spinning counter
clockwise,! thought I was going to
have to get sane holy water and call
a priest, but the manager showed up
just in time.
I remember when I applied for
u
Much like a DMV worker, I often wonder
how close I have come to being beaten
bloody with a handbag.”
ipy job. I went in with a cheery
disposition and a positive attitude
and told die biggest lie I would ever
tell: “I love people!! I'm a ‘people*
person. Give me some people. I love
those people.”
Let’s be honest. None of us really
likes each other. It's every man or
woman for him- or herself. When
you work with the public, you learn
this quickly.
Oh sure, we might not try to run
each other over on the streets-—
though we'd like to. But when we
enter an eating establishment or a
discount store, we become mali
cious, frenzied beasts. Researchers
really need to do studies on how
close the average person has come to
maiming the woman at the Depart
ment of Motor Vehicles counter
while obtaining a driver's license.
Much like a DMV worker, I
often wonder how close I have come
, to being beaten bloody with a
handbag I sell shoes at a depart
ment store and there seems to be
something about trying on shoes v.
that makes grown women lunge like
cornered animals. Maybe it has
something to do with vanity. Women
with large feet don’t like to be told
that they can’t wear a size 6.1 call it
the Cinderella-stepsister phenom
enon.
Sales also affect customers’
dispositions. Price reductions are
like narcotics for shoppers. Mark
downs make them do things they
normally wouldn’t do. They will buy
the ugliest shoes only because
they’re marked down 70 percent.
“Oh Martha, these purple and
fuchsia striped thongs are fabulous.
hook they’re only 20 bucks. Ooh! I
must have them.”
Markdowns also make people
nastier than they would normally be.
Women with strollers run over other
women to grab a pair of pumps.
You’ll see elderly women beating
each other with their walkers to get
a pair of orthopedics... OK, so
maybe I’m exaggerating a bit.
In the customer-service field, the
motto is, “The customer is always
right.” Jhere is a restaurant here in
Lincolpthat displays a sign that
reads something like, “Heat every
customer as if they were a treasured
guest in your home.” It sounds
lovely enough, but some of the
people I’ve waited on I wouldn’t let
in my yard, let alone my home.
I’ve never been a waitress, but
I’ve witnessed their abuses at the
hands of some of my family and
friends. My husband is infamous for
sending his drink back until they get
just the precise amount of ice cubes
into his glass. The waitress usually
smiles and says, “Sure,” but I know
she wants to beat him with the
menu.
My grandparents will run a
waiter to death, making him fill
their coffee cups when they’ve only
taken two drinks. They also enjoy
making him list the entire dessert
list twelve times, claiming they
forgot their reading glasses. Then
because he was such a good waiter,
they leave him a quarter. Yes,
Grandma, that 25 cents you left is
sure to help that man support his
family.
If you've ever read a celebrity
interview, it's always most interest
ing to note what the actor or actress
did to survive before they became
famous. What you’ll find is that
most ofthem were once waiters and
waitresses or sales people.
Who needs acting school? When
you work in customer service every
day is an act.
Lampe is a senior news
editorial and English major and a
Daily Nebraskan columnist.