Single success
Not all families needfathers for discipline
Hercules was lucky in one
regard. Among the 12 tasks assigned
to him, raising a child by himself
wasn’t one of them.
My sister is a single parent, and
given the fact that I only see my
niece for a couple of brief visits to
Washington each year, I had the
opportunity recently to reflect on
how the last four years of single
parenting has affected both my sister
and her daughter.
Some people might argue that the
lack of a father somehow equates
with the lack of an authority figure,
or a male role model.
Louis Farrakhan, for example,
portraying himself as spokesman for
the Million Man March in Washing
ton, D.C., said black, fatherless
families in America were the result
of African-American men failing to
take their fatherly responsibilities
seriously.
In my sister’s case, the assump
tion that a father figure is needed or
required would be mistaken on both
accounts.
Where providing a sense of
authority is concerned, rather than
rely on verbal or physical repri
mands, she practices a stern policy
of cause-and-effect explanation with
my niece, along with a fair measure
ment of “Time-Outs,” thrown in.
Watching this approach, 1 had to
admire the patience and work
involved with helping one child
learn and grow in an encouraging
environment. She would take my
niece aside, and explain why
standing on the couch is a bad thing
to do, or that tracking in the house
with muddy shoes is wrong, even if
the eat does get away with it.
We both agree that yelling at kids
Fred Poyner
“...I had to admire the
patience and work
involved with helping
one child learn and
grow in an encouraging
environment. ”
is counterproductive and doesn’t
positively instruct them morally or
intellectually.
When I look around at the way
kids are growing up today —
committing crimes at younger ages,
dropping out of school and reliving
their poor upbringing through their
own future families — I think my
sister might be the exception rather
than the rule when it comes to good
parenting.
On the question of whether a
father figure is necessary to raise
children, 1 think every situation is
different. Getting the courts in
volved in the breakup of a family is
unfortunate, but it is oftentimes the
only way for a child to escape an
abusive parent or a home environ
ment where one or both parents are
contributing to the child’s eventual
downfall.
In my sister’s case, being a single
parent also means dealing with a
host of problems that millions of
other single moms have to face.
Because she goes to college, she has
to find someone to watch her
daughter on a daily basis. Then
there is always the looming knowl
edge that her choices won’t affect
just herself in the long run, when it
boils down to being the primary
provider for her family.
In applying for future graduate
schools, she has to consider what
funding is available through each
particular school because she has a
dependent, the safety of the area
surrounding the school and how a
move will affect her child’s devel
opment. Because my sister and I
moved around considerably while
growing up, I’m willing to bet she’s
given that last one a lot of thought.
But the tact is, tor the past four
years, my sister has managed pretty
well, along with all those other
millions of women who are in the
same proverbial boat. They have
demonstrated that the concept of a
family far exceeds the white picket
fence daydream that traps so many
people into marriages of conve
nience and loveless families
destined for breakup somewhere
down the line.
Nobody has the right to sit in
judgment of single parents or
criticize how their families arc put
together. Their jobs are hard enough
as is. *
Besides, the only basic ingredient
any family needs is love.
Poyner Is a graduate student In museum
studies and a Dally Nebraskan columnist.
Wanderlust
Business suits not in senior’s future plans
I still don’t believe that this is
actually going to happen.
I’ve been living with a certain
basic level of paranoia for weeks
now. I’m afraid to look at my mail.
Every time the phone rings, I cringe.
I’m sure that this time, the voice on
the other end of the line will be
some nasal bureaucrat saying that
the university has a problem with
me graduating.
We’re sorry, but we can’t let you
count that last geography class
because we know you were tipsy
when you took the final. We’re
sorry, but it has been determined
that 60 of your total credit hours
were in classes taught by extrater
restrials, and the new chancellor
doesn’t believe in them. We’re
sorry, but you owe the library two
limbs and a vital organ in payment
for the air you breathed there. Under
the circumstances, we cannot
possibly allow you to graduate.
Well, we could, but we won’t.
You’ll have to start over as an
economics major and take math
classes. ALL math.
Such are the nightmares accumu
lating in my head. But as far as I
know, my graduation will happen. I
paid the tuition. I paid the fees. I
paid off the bookstore, the library
and the health center. And I paid the
fee to apply for a degree.
Everyone wants to know what my
plans are. Some of my professors
ask with concern. Others seem
relieved that I’m actually getting out
of their hair once and for all, and
don’t care what I’m planning to do
as long as I’m doing it somewhere
else.
I usually tell professors and
relatives that I’m planning to run
away with the circus. It’s not that far
from the truth.
Fellow students ask about my
plans with a mixture of envy and
disbelief. No one thought I’d
graduate before they did. My fellow
graduating seniors tremble in fear as
they ask.
Jennifer Mapes
“Vd like to write Pend
over and smile, we re
the ... ’ above the door
ivhere it says Office of
Scholarships and
Financial Aid. But Fve
outgrown this place. Fm
ready to move on, and
Fm ready to move far. ”
Do you have a job? Have you
sent any resumes? Have you had any
interviews? What ARE you going to
do?
I do have plans for after gradua
tion. But my plans do not involve a
resume. My plans have nothing to
do with interviews, career choices or
business suits.
I used to think that I was here so
I could get a decent job as soon as I
got a diploma. But the “job” has
always remained an elusive concept
for me. I had a few vague ideas
about it. I hoped I’d make a lot of
money. I hoped I’d be telling other
people what to do. I thought I would
like to have power, influence and
lots of nice stuff.
I used to think that I wanted to
get out into the “real world” and
take it by storm.
But some of my friends work in
that real world now.
They put in long hours doing
things they don’t much care about.
They don’t have time to do any of
the things they used to enjoy. They
arc plagued by office politics and
corporate stupidity. They arc
constantly in fear of losing their jobs
to “downsizing” or the company
making room for the manager’s
daughter.
My education has been a long
process of figuring out what I don’t
want. So if that’s the real world,
give me an ivory tower and a couple
of mortar rounds to lob from it. I’m
not coming down.
I know I don’t want a nice car, a
beautiful house, expensive clothes
or snobby friends. I don’t want to
get married or have children. I don’t
want to go to graduate school yet,
and I don’t want to move out of my
mom’s house and get a life.
I do want to travel.
I have a plane ticket and a
passport.
A few weeks after May 4,1’m
going to grab a couple of changes of
Clothes and a sleeping bag and put
them in a backpack. Then I’m going
to take myself, the pack and my
Nikon, and I’m going to wander
around the world for as long as I can
getaway with it.
There are a few things I’d still
like to do at UNL. I’d like to blow
up that cursed Mueller Tower. I’d
like to write “bend over and smile,
we’re the ...” above the door where
it says Office of Scholarships and
Financial Aid. But I’ve outgrown
this place. I’m ready to move on,
and I’m ready to move far.
There’s another real world out
there. It’s full of people whose
cultures and languages I don’t
understand. It’s full of places that
are dirty, smelly and potentially
hazardous to my health.
But I have to go oat to sec what’s
there. I’m going to do what I love. I
hope that the money will follow.
Mapcs Is a senior advertising and his
tory major and a Dally Nebraskan colum
nist.
Volunteer.
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