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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (April 2, 1996)
Arts ©Entertainment Tuesday, April 2, 1996 Page 9 Good taste best choice on Internet Ah... the Internet. Gosh, how 1 love to spend hours, days and weeks pour ing over Web pages and newsgroups for tidbits of information and humor. The other day I was perusing some movie-related newsgroups, and I saw something that made me rethink my place in the universe. This guy, who posted under the name “Bruce Lee” was asking some questions relating to love stories. Well, I wouldn’t actually say love stories; they were more love scenes. He called his posting “Popping a boner: Arc sex scenes real?” He seriously wanted to know if love scenes in R-rated movies were real. He said, and I quote, “How can bump and grinding go on and there (sic) not be penetration? Is it trick angles?” He went on to ask about body suits and the like. But, ladies and gentlemen, the ic ing on the cake was his last question— “How do you keep from popping a boner when you do the love scenes?” Ladies and gentlemen, just think... this could be the next step in the evo lutionary ladder, (shudder) Friends, I’m not a big fan of cen sorship in any form, but this man needs to be stopped. Dead or alive! It’s people like this who give the Internet a bad name. It’s people like this who our esteemed Sen. Exon is trying to protect children from. Speaking of children, has anyone else stopped to think that this man might reproduce? (double shudder) Ladies and gentlemen, this newsgroup posting provides me with the perfect opportunity to teach some newsgroup etiquette. 1) If you arc going to post to a newsgroup, make sure you have some thing intelligent to say. Also, try to make sure it’s the right newsgroup. Don’t post a question about Pamela Anderson’s latest breast implants in the rcc.arts.disncy newsgroup. And vice versa, don’t post a question about Minnie Mouse’s latest breast implants in the rcc.nude.PamelaAnderson newsgroup. A) ii someone posts sometmng stu pid, like our good friend “Bruce Lee” did, get medieval and flame the crap out of his weenie gluteus maximus! A flame, for those who don’t know, is really insulting and rude e-mail sent to the person. Its sole purpose is to make the person feel so bad about his life that he has no choice but to slash his wrists as he jumps off of a 10-story building. 3) Please try to be polite with your posting. And your flames. It’s much more effective to post/flame someone if you don’t reduce yourself to mind less vulgarities. Besides, it’s more fun to sound smarter than everyone else. 4) Never, ever mention lemmings. I’m not sure why, but it sounded good. The same goes for the word albatross and Belgium. Also Sweden. It makes you sound silly. There you have some basic and helpful rules of etiquette. Don’t be like “Bruce.” Please follow them to the max, or I might have to flame you!' And believe me, I will... Priesman is a freshman news-editorial and theater major and a Daily Nebraskan staff reporter. Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures Steve Martin stars as the title character in the film version of Phil Silvers’ television sitcom, “Sgt. Bilko.” ■"*' r * I Martin sells audience short in Sgt. Bilko By Patrick Hambrecht Film Critic f In the ’80s, lousy comedies like “Porky’s” or “Hollywood Hot Tubs” unscrupulously Mnvip targeted teen iiiwwic agers Wlth cheap Review sex gags and hip rock soundtracks. Today, rotten comedies like Steve Martin’s “Sgt. Bilko” arc geared to exploit uuuy w miners in a similar fashion —■- with boring stars, nostalgic ’50s soundtracks and lots of bland family fun. At least with “Hollywood Hot Tubs,” sitting through the whole thing guaranteed you’d get to sec someone naked. No one is naked in “Sgt. Bilko,” including Martin. Instead Martin has given us yet another Hollywood adaptation of a 1950s sitcom, designed to cash in on the decaying standards of the 40 ycar-old set. He plays Bilko, a swin dler in the army who has rigged his military base as a covert gambling casino. But when Bilko meets up with the honest man whom he framed, the card cheat comes to terms with his past by ... framing him again. How’s that for a plot? What used to be filler gags for Martin have bccome-his selling points in this movie, as the former stage genius stutters without conso nant and jerks his pelvis around in strange new ways. Film: “Sgt. Bilko” Stars: Steve Martin, Dan Aykroyd, Phil Hartman Director: Jonathan Lynn Rating: PG Grade: C Five Words: What was Steve Martin thinking? © Phil Hartman plays the same emotionless and melodramatic char acter he always does, as Bilko’s moral enemy, Major Thorn. Dan Aykroyd was wasted in his role as the swindler’s superior officer. Col. Hall, but he was probably respon sible for the film’s lame soundtrack, consisting of the same radio-cliched soul music he uses in all his movies. Glcnnc Hcadly, as Bilko’s girl friend, is also boring. The best thing that can be said ibout“Sgt. Bilko” is that it isn’t “Fa hcr of the Bride.” But it seems to suggest, along with Martin’s most ‘cccnt “Saturday Night Live” ap pearances and other films, that the former stadium comedian has lost lis spark. Why someone as smart as Martin allowed his razor instincts for irony and absurdity to be poisoned by Hollywood, no one knows. Perhaps by playing con men in both this movie and “Leap of Faith,” he’s trying to let us know that he. See BILKO on 10 i P.O. Pears to buzz for a spell By Gerry Beltz Senior Reporter Do you spell “imbrication" with an ‘i’ or an ‘e?’ Is there more than one ‘s’ in ‘scissors?’ Such questions have been the makers and breakers in past spell ing bees, and tonight’s 13th Annual Adult Spelling Bee should be no dif ferent. Again, this year’s Adult Spelling Bee will be led by Scott Young of KFOR-AM radio and will be held at P.O. Pears.^22 S. Ninth St.. Start time is 7 p.m. Barbara Hansen, administrative aide at Bennet Martin Public Librar ies, said other words that have made the difference in the past have in cluded ensemble, sapience and ma linger. “It’s amazing what some of these people can spell,” she said. The words to test contestants are chosen by a committee that goes through the dictionary, she said. “We don’t use the same words ev ery year,” she said. Hansen said, as of Monday after noon, about 15 people had signed on for the contest, but that the sign up rarely stopped there. “It’s a little less than usual,” she said, “but it’s not at all unusual for there to be a lot of last-minute people.” The winners of the contest have not always been of the same demo graphics, either, she said. “A real mix of people have won it,” she said. “We’ve had editors for University Press, sometimes a high school teacher or retired business man. One year it was jewelry maker. “Some people just have a knack for spelling.” The winner of the Adult Spelling Bee will receive an unabridged dic tionary, donated by Nebraska Book store, while Lee Booksellers will contribute the runner-up and booby prizes, she said. “The booby prize is usually a kid’s dictionary,” she said, “given to the first person who misspells a word.” This annual event is once again sponsored by the Nebraska Literary Heritage Association and will ben efit the Heritage Room of Lincoln City Libraries. - “The proceeds support the Heri tage Room of Nebraska Authors,” she said. “It’s all for a good cause.” Although the registration dead line has passed, spectators may at tend for $5. For additional informa tion, contact the Heritage Room at 402-441-8516. Video releases offer variety By Gerry Beltz Film Critic \ ' Ah. A nice, calm week for the new releases. A soft blend of adven -iture, suspense, New Video drama and ani m Raloaco mation wafts m ne,ea5e down the gentle surf, followed by a wonderful com edy-drama that is our pick of the week. Lie back and enjoy. “Balto”(G)— An animated non-Disney film that never stood a chance. Too bad, because it’s actu ally pretty good. Balto (voice of Kevin Bacon) is a half-coyote, half-husky that must lead a team of dogs across an icy tundra to save his village from a plague of dispatcher. Other voices include Bridget Fonda, Bob Hoskins and Brendan Fraser. Based cm a true story, it’s worth looking into. “Home for the Holidays” (PG)— With Easter coming up, this film would be perfect, even though it takes place at Thanksgiving. Holly Hunter plays a woman who must deal with the entire family coming together to celebrate the holiday. And with the turkey and dressing come the arguments. Co-stars include Charles Duming, Anne Bancroft and Steve Guttenburg. It’s not just a comedy, but a drama as well. Again, it’s worth checking out. “Devil in a Blue Dress” (R) — Denzel Washington gets hip-deep in trouble when he gets involved in the search for a mysterious woman. Set in pjost-WWII Los Angeles, Easy Rawlins (Washington) is hired by Dewitt Albright (Tom Sizemore) to find a mysterious woman in a blue dress (Jennifer Beals). But soon, Easy finds himself up to his eyeballs in murder, racism and political cor ruption. The direction of the film is ex cellent, and Sizemore’s performance is absolutely outstanding. This one is definitely worth looking for. “Strange Days” (R) —This is the odd one of the bunch, or more ap See NEWVID on 10 Renowned performer in concert By Cliff Hicks Staff Reporter When classical pianist Vladimir Feltsman takes the stage at the Lied Center tonight, Jcth Mill is pretty sure audiences will be pleased. “This is what classical music is i-=^=^=n all about,” said Mill, execu tive director of the Lincoln Orchestra As sociation. lonight s concert is an phony, featur ing Feltsman, an internationally ac claimed pianist, as guest soloist. “He’s one of the best pianists of his generation," Mill said. Feltsman was born in Moscow in 1952, making his public debut as a solo pianist at the age of 12. He im mediately gained respect in the U.S.S.R. and performed with all of the country’s major orchestras and at all of the music festivals. In 1979, Feltsman announced his intentions to leave the Soviet Union. The next eight years were mostly spent trying to emigrate to Israel, but he failed in his attempts to do so. During this period, his musical ca reer was severely curtailed. After much struggle, Feltsman was granted permission to leave the Soviet Union and came to the United States during the summer of 1987. See FELTSMAN on 10