Primary letdown
Governmentflaws because of voter turnout
For today, I have resigned my
pen to Ms. Emirch so we may be
informed by the following call to
action. Please read on; the message
is valid and valuable. Thank you,
Bob Ray.
Calling all Democrats, Republi
cans and Independents, and of
course, those voting age adults not
registered. It’s time to vote; it’s time
to choose the people we want
running for office.
The primaries don’t get much
attention from voters in the state of
Nebraska. Everyone seems to feel
the primaries are not important, and
the easy way out is to save their vote
for the “BIG” November election.
But the “Big” election is the
primary. The primary is our opportu
nity as voters to choose the candi
dates who will oppose Clinton in the
presidential election and run for
various government offices. How
can this possibly be unimportant?
The excuse that there are no good
candidates is not valid. By not
voting, we allow other people to
choose our government, and past
history shows they are not doing a
sufficient job (national debt, budget
deficit, etc ...).
Once we Americans stand up and
use our votes, the ability to take back
control of the government will be in
our hands. It’s time to remind
politicians of whom they represent.
The last time I checked, I thought
it was the responsibility of the
American citizen to keep Washing
Stephanie Emlrch
“Anyone can buy a dog,
and plaid shirts aren’t
hard to come by, either
The noteivorthy things
about candidates are
their beliefs, stances on
issues, and exactly what
sort of action they’ll take
upon arrival in
Washington. ”
- ■ ■■ ■ -
ton in line.
That means we have to be aware
of the politicians vying for our votes,
and the stances they hold — the
issues they hold dear.
On Thursday, Steve Forbes
announced his withdrawal from the
1996 GOP presidential race. Forbes
may not have been everyone’s
favorite, but he is different. He is
intelligent, successful, and he is not
a career politician.
It took a great many people to
convince him to throw his hat into
the ring. I had heard people say the
only reason Forbes ran was to
benefit Wall Street, big business and
his wealthy friends. Who knows?
But watch for Steve Forbes in 2000;
lie may be back.
Sen. Robert Dole is the career
politician. He now enjoys Forbes’
endorsement and is a near lock for
the nomination. Dole has been trying
to get the presidential nomination
long before many of us were bom.
Dole has experience, that is a fact
that no political circle can debate.
And then there is Pat Buchanan, a
radical, quite possibly a racist, and
just a little too extreme for America.
Buchanan has the ability to stir
people’s emotions, but do we want
that characteristic in the White
House for four years? I have a
feeling we would be searching for
reasons to impeach him after a
couple months.
It doesn’t require much effort to
take the time to be aware of the
issues and make a decision based on
concrete information.
Anyone can buy a dog, and plaid
shirts aren’t hard to come by, either.
The noteworthy things about
candidates arc their beliefs, stances
on issues, and exactly what sort of
action they’ll take upon arrival in
Washington.
And even though the pundits say
(and they seem to be right) that Bob
Dole is a shoo-in for the Republican
nomination, it’s still important to
head on down to the neighborhood
polling place and make your voice
heard — make the politicians aware
that they arc being watched.
Please pay attention and vote,
America is our country, not a
politicians’ playground.
Emlrch Is a senior consumer finance
major.
Gimme
Columnist seeks funds to fuel eccentricity
I want to become, if possible,
even more eccentric.
The only authentic pose is an
eccentric pose after all, for who
would wish to impersonate himself?
Therefore, let me stand off-center.
Yet it has occurred to me that, to
become more eccentric, I must find
protection from my neighbors. It has
also been made clear to me that I
live among the poor.
I do not like the poor, generally,
and I don’t see why anyone should.
The poor arc boring, they are gray,
they arc frozen in time.
And they are dangerous, their
petty fears are too easily fired.
I don’t belong on the bottom of
this barrel.
“1 want a woman who is inter
ested in Objectivism, the philosophy
of Nietzsche. Preferably loaded.”
Signed: Salvador Dali.
To all those like myself, those I
have pledged to retrieve from the
four corners of the earth, if you are
listening: The call is to higher
ground. Let us meet on the beautiful
shores of the rich!
To all others, so long suckers!
That is what my heart cries in the
night like a wolf of the steppes!
ARROOoooo! ARRROOOooooo!
But yowling like that in public
can get one into trouble. Hence the
need for protection, and, therefore,
wealth.
Money, I love money, give me
moneymoncy moneymoneymoney!
I fully repent of my former
willfulness in poverty.
O, Money, let me return to Thy
breast! Be not far from me, dear
Cash.
Here I am, on foot, coming and
going—or riding those miserable
buses...
Walking home from work at 2:30
in the morning in all weathers when I
should be-checking my stocks on the
Internet and attending meetings with
Mark Baldridge
“Ifully repent of my
former ivillfulness in
poverty. O, Money, let
me return to Thy breast!
Be not far from me, dear
Cash. ”
my analyst by modem.
(Do not get this joke backwards. I
already got the neurosis.)
Is it too much to ask, the freedom
to say “Christ” in public and smoke
‘cm if ya got ‘cm?
I do need some new habits, Mr.
Gingrich, the free-wheeling kind. I
just don’t know how to acquire
them. Right now I work so hard for
so little return, I’m ashamed of
myself; hard work is not the answer.
Somehow, I gotta get paid.
But the things I’m good at
nobody wants done. I just keep
getting better at these useless,
obsolete skills.
The best money I ever made in in
this State was at the Lincoln Journal
Star doing paste-up with a knife and
hot wax; workplace-posters saying
things like “Are YOU quality
minded enough?” and the reek of
burning values.
Real mom and pop little place
owned by some Billionaire in Texas,
' %
I believe.
But if I’m to develop eccentri
cally, I must have leisure — and
perfect freedom.
I need a better place to live,
preferably with servants. Clothes
that fit and a large automobile — all
of which I will now produce by
magic.
See? I will break even the laws of
physics when necessary.
I want to do the things I want to
do, and I don’t want to do anything
else. Is that so much to ask? Now
really.
It’s been my lifelong wish to be
waited on hand and foot. I like to
push people around. I want to mutter
to myself and pace, fold self
consciousness like a letter, levitate,
• rise into the air on moonlit wings!
To develop my obscurer tastes, if
you know what I mean.
To become fully the sinister
magistrate of the invisible kingdom I
know I have in me.
Will no patron come to my aid?
Perhaps some visitor from the future
will deliver $100,000 without strings
and without fail to my post office
box, payable q-q-quarterly?
No?
Then I will have to achieve that
* for myself. All of it. „
But do not expect me to be so
glad-handed with my occult knowl
edge in future.
If I must create the wealth I
require, I warn you I will pull no
punches. It’s a matter of my own self
preservation.
I have dark business to attend to
and I need a camouflage, an obscur
ing screen I can throw up against
detection from prying eyes.
I will hide in plain sight: Money,
power and fame will be my costume.
And maybe I will see you at the
Ball.
Baldridge b a semlor Eaglbli w|or awl
a Daily Nefcraskaa cotaaulst
Bureaucrats adopt
up-close approach
Question: When you are
shopping for a garment and go
into the fitting room, would it
bother you to have a male
salesperson accompany you and
be there when you strip down to
your undies?
Would you be at all embar
rassed if this male salesperson
helped you on and off with your
garments? Zipping you up and
that sort of thing?
The correct answer should be
that you have no objection to his
being there.
At least that seems to be the
opinion of an agency of the
federal government.
I’ll explain.
There is a chain of women’s
apparel stores called Lillie Rubin.
It’s based in Florida and has
about 70 shops around the
country, including one on
Chicago’s Michigan Avenue.
These stores have their own
approach to pleasing customers.
As an attorney for the chain
describes it:
“It is high-end, personal-touch
oriented. You walk in and there
are no racks of clothing. They’ll
show you one dress in one size to
give you an idea.
“You go with the saleswoman
back to the salon, which is in the
back part of the store. You sit on
a couch while a salesperson
comes in with different things to
try on and consider.
“If you like one, you’ll go
from the salon to the dressing
room. The saleswoman will help
you get into it. If you like it, a
fitter comes in and hems it and
whatever.”
This sort of touchy-feely
approach apparently appeals to
quite a few women or 70 stores
wouldn’t be in existence.
So what is the problem? Well,
about four years ago a man
applied for a sales job in one of
the Florida stores. They told him
they hired only women because of
the intimate nature of their
approach.
The man was miffed and
complained to the federal
government’s Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission.
The Florida office of the
EEOC took a look and agreed
with the store that it would be
inappropriate to have a male
person involved in its approach to
selling.
So the store was given an
exemption from having to offer
equal opportunity to guys.
This is what some people
might call common sense. The
company thought that was the end
of it and felt relieved. The
ninnies.
It seems that another man —
this time in Arizona—wanted to
work in the Phoenix store. The
store said no, and he went to the
Phoenix office of the EEOC.
And the bureaucrats in
Phoenix saw it differently than
the bureaucrats in Florida. They
decided that, yes, a man could do
that sort of work and it was
discriminatory to reject him only
because of the way nature had
Mike Royko
“Would you be at all
embarrassed if this
male salesperson
helped you on and off
with your garments?
Zipping you up and
that sort of thing?”
designed some of his vital organs,
given him a deeper voice and
forced him to shave every day.
So now the Lillie Rubin stores
are in deep trouble again.
As their lawyer, Rodney
Glover, describes their situation:
“Lillie Rubin must put this guy in
the store, and they must put him
in the dressing room.
“If not, they told us they will
file a class-action lawsuit. And
any male in the United States who
was unemployed at the time and
could have applied for the job
could be a party to the suit.
“They said they would sue us
for millions of dollars.
“We told them that some of
the customers are sometimes
naked from the waist up. The
woman in the Phoenix office said:
‘Naked from the waist up, naked
from the waist down, what’s the
difference? Some women like it
like that.’”
He said there was a meeting
with some of the big EEOC
people in Washington.
“They sat there stony-faced for
an hour. Then they handed us a
prepared document that pretty
much said: ‘Go take a hike; we
can’t overrule the decision.’”
When we asked the EEOC
why, its Florida bureaucrats said
that they had EEOC offices all
over the country and couldn’t
expect all those bureaucrats to
know what the others were doing.
The spokesperson said they
also can’t let the women’s
clothing stores get away with
discriminating.
“Could you refuse to hire male
nurses for obstetrics wards?” the
spokesperson asked.
No, but a dressing room in a
fancy clothing store isn’t quite the
same as an OB ward in a hospital.
And that’s the real problem
with bureaucrats. They don’t meet
payrolls, compete with rival
business strategies and show a
profit.
Yet they sit in their offices and
confidently say: “This is how we
think you should run your
business.”
And if they’re wrong? Too
bad, that’s the way the payroll
crumbles.
(C) 1996 Tribune Media Services, Inc.
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