Empower yourself
Buchanan’s victory raises many questions
This too shall pass. The prima
ries, that is.
One day soon, we will be faced
with the 1996 Presidential election.
And we may wonder where the time
went.
Today, we can leisurely cast a
careful eye over the group, listen to
the rhetoric and watch the politicians
spin their diplomatic magic in small
town cafes.
But crunch time is fast approach
ing. The test question is: Which
Republican contender is the best
man for the job?
There you go. You’ve got about
two-and-a-half months to gather the
information you’ll need to cast an
educated vote.
Get off your heels, kid. There is
not a correct answer to the question,
but you must do your research.
One of these clowns could get
elected President, and you’d best be
prepared to live under the chosen
administration with your eyes wide
open.
Handpick your candidate. Select
your president with care — the way
you would chose a career path, a
graduate school or a new car.
Be persnickety.
Three guys, mostly, and a couple
of tag-alongs, scampered through
the villages of New Hampshire last
weekend, each touting himself as the
best Republican presidential
candidate for ’96.
Buchanan. Dole. Alexander.
These men stand out in a pack of
conservative candidates.
As of 8:40 p.m. Tuesday, CNN
Interactive posted in-depth stories on
the Internet detailing Pat Buchanan’s
victory in the New Hampshire
primary.
This came as a surprise to me.
My curiosity about the man was
piqued. What does he stand for?
Who supports Buchanan? What
might life in America be like under
his administration?
W611, as far as 1 can tell his issue
profile goes something like this.
Anti-abortion, anti-affirmative
Kelly Johnson
“He was raised in a
household where his
father was a McCarthy
backer; some may say
that Buchanan has
replaced ‘communist3
with ‘immigrant
action, pro-balanced budget, anti
gun control, pro-flat tax, pro-term
limits, pro-school prayer, anti-U.S.
troops in Bosnia.
Nothing earth shattering there.
Many of his Republican counter
parts share similar beliefs.
So what sets Buchanan apart
from the pack, aside from his
snappy toll-free phone number — 1
800-GO-PAT-GO?
He’s radically conservative. He’s
Catholic. He’s been termed a
populist, a man who would protect
the working-class American.
A Buchanan motto: America first.
Buchanan is what the Economist
called a “go-it-alone neo-isolation
ist.” He would restrict trade, pull the
United States out of NAFTA and
GATT and place a 20 percent tariff
on Chinese goods.
He’s adamant about limiting
immigration, has no time for illegal
aliens. His father was a McCarthy
backer, some may say that Buchanan
has replaced ‘communist’ with
‘immigrant.’
I’m not sure yet what his stand is
on cosmic aliens, however, or the
space program.
And he has declared a culture
war.
“In our schools our children are
being robbed of their innocence.
Their minds are being poisoned
against their Judeo-Christian
heritage,” Buchanan said.
Buchanan is interested in
returning America to the state it was
in during his parents’ generation.
The rhetoric of his speeches is full
of language reflecting the past,
words such as tradition and patrio
tism. But he says little about the
future.
What has he said that might tell
as more about his aims and ideals?
His pledge: “I will use the bully
pulpit of the Presidency of the
United States, to the full extent of
my power and ability, to defend
American traditions and values of
faith, family and country from any
and all directions.”
He certainly is zealous about
these social issues. So I wonder,
what is the traditional family? And
exactly what values will he be
bullying for?
“We can make America the great
and good country we grew up in.”
I don’t think we could ever re
create the country our parents’
generation grew up in. And I’m not
sure we would want to. The world is
moving forward and Pat Buchanan
wants to turn back the clock.
Now, is all of this good or bad?
Neither, I presume.
I only know it’s worth consider
ation. Where might a leader of these
persuasions take this country? And
what role would America, under his
leadership, play in the international
drama?
Empower yourself with informa
tion. See the fiill picture, as it is;
then you will be equipped to ask the
questions.
Johnson is a senior news-editorial
major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist
New technology
V Chip one step away from mind control
Parents and people with younger
siblings, take note! Recent techno
logical innovations have made it
possible for you to block out all
those unwanted TV shows that are
most definitely rotting the gray
matter in your children’s heads.
Yes, the “V Chip” is coming!
President Clinton recently signed
into law legislation that requires TV
manufacturers to equip future sets
with the chip. The legislation also
calls on the industry to devise a
rating system for its programs, or th»
FCC will do this for it.
What’s that you say? You have nc
idea what the V Chip is? Well it is
simple, my friend! The V Chip is a
microchip located inside your TV
that can be programmed so that the
TV will shut off when a certain level
of objectionable material comes on.
Essentially, it blocks children from
viewing levels of violence, sex or
language that parents view as
objectionable.
The chip now is being tested in
Canada with good results. One
woman said that this way, if she
leaves the room, she at least knows
her wishes will be respected,
respected.”
Critics will have you believe,
dear friends, that this is just a form
of baby-sitting, and that parents
should become more involved in
their children’s viewing habits,
rather than rely on technology to
enforce their views. Phooey, I say.
In a fit of unfettered wisdom, I
realized that in front of the TV is not
the only place where children act
contrary to their parents’ morals. At
school, in front of friends, at the
grocery store, in fact anywhere is a
good place to act the exact opposite
as a parent wishes. Children are
inherently immature. I myself was
[ Jody Burke
“Children are inherently
immature. I myself was
this way. Their very
nature is, well,
childish. ”
this way. Their very nature is, well,
childish.
Then it came to me. Why not take
the V Chip one step further? We
could design a chip that would block
out thoughts and actions! The
technology isn’t that far away.
Here is the idea. Take a chip
similar to the V Chip, and implant it
within the brain of a child. The child
should be around 4 or 5 years old.
That seems to be when children get
really rambunctious and begin to
develop their own personalities.
|
Now, make the chip program
mable on any number of categories,
such as sexual activity, use of
naughty language, drinking, eating
fatty foods, driving fast, being polite
and so on. Each parent could then
program the levels that are accept
able in each category, just like the
TV chip. Say, for instance, you want
your child to drive slowly. Just set
the chip at level 1, or the “Drive like
a grandma in a big rusty Dodge
Dart” level. Or for sexual activity,
you could put it on “Deathly afraid
of deep tongue kissing” (level 2).
When the child violates this level,
the chip could send out a mild
electric shock to remind the child
that mom and dad would not be
pleased with him having just called
his algebra teacher a “teg of crap.”
The child would learn values and
morals, and what’s more, the parents
could have the peace of mind that,
while away from them, the child
would not develop a sense of
identity or the ability to think for
himself or herself, the marks of a
truly delinquent mind.
And as far as the electric shock
goes, nothing quite disciplines a
child like mild doses of electricity.
Think of the benefits. Mom and
dad would have tons more time for
themselves. Everyone would be
raised properly. Even though there
would be various levels of control,
none would allow for the kind of
deviant Jbehavior found in the sixties
and seventies. No more rock music.
No more abuse of drugs, no more
bad language or grammar. School
discipline problems would drop like
a rock. There would be perfect
posture (because of electric shock),
and everyone would drink their
milk.
The world truly would be a better
place.
Barke b a senior English major and a
Daily Nebraskan colamnist
_ _
I Our
I Special
I Guest
Parking offender
repents her sins
I’m writing to you today as a
humbled criminal, in the hopes of
saving even a single soul from the
morally-bankrupt life of a parking
miscreant. I know many will be
hardened and sure that all such of
fenders get what they deserve, and
I will not deny my culpability. That
is not my purpose. I only hope that
by telling my story, perhaps some
otherwise righteous person will see
how easy it is to fall into the pit of
regulation-laxity which inevitably
leads to moral decrepitude. Further,
I would mislead you if I said that
this is a vice that takes years to de
velop and almost imperceptibly
seizes control of the sinner. No, my
friends. My life was turned upside
down within the span of a week
and-a-half, and it could happen to
you, too.
It all started on February 12. Up
until that time, I had simply been
an ordinary wife and mother-of
three going to school full-time. In
truth, I had always lacked the
proper respect for authority, but it
had never manifested itself in any
dangerous manner. On this day,
however, I was so bold as to park
in the remote parking lot without
my permit. I knew it was missing;
one of my lovely children had no
doubt removed it from my bag and
used it as a Frisbee. I did not even
consider that it could be stolen, nor
would anyone who knew my boys.
I also felt sure it would show up in
a couple of days, and in that thought
lay the seeds of my downfall. It’s
so easy to be lax when one parks in
the remote parking lots. It’s so easy
to believe the security cruisers are
not concerned enough with these
distant lands to make their rounds
in a rfiere two hours. But, oh, my
brothers and sisters, they are indeed
concerned.
I was astounded by how con
cerned. Penance is quite severe at
UNL, ($25 for parking without a
permit), though now I can sec that
it is necessary for the virtuous main
tenance of its students.
I can only compare the propri
ety of this campus to the debauch
ery of UNO, where I attended for
two years. It is hard yet for me to
believe they are part of the same
university system. For those of you
who are unaware of just how ethi
cally slack UNO is, allow me to
delineate some of the features of
their parking system:
Students parking in the remote
lot at AKsarben and taking the
shuttle are not required to purchase
a parking permit at all. How can
they possibly hope to gather the lost
sheep with such non-regulations?
Further, many of UNO’s students
never experience the bitterly cold
shuttle-bus shelters that build the
stamina and fortitude they need to
face an onslaught of temptations
because the shuttles stop in front of
building foyers, where students
bask in hedonistic warmth. But
worst of all, their fines for parking
offenses, ($5 for parking without a
permit), seemed designed only to
discourage repeat behavior rather
than to punish and reform the cul
prit as called for by the Holy Bu
reaucracy.
But the story does not end here.
It gets much sadder.
The following weekend, lo and
behold, my parking permit was dis
. Gina Schneider
“Penance is quite
severe at UNL, ($25 for
parking without a
permit), though now 1
can see that it is
necessary for the
virtuous maintenance
of its students. ”
covered under a recliner (no one
confessed). On Monday, I drove to
the remote lot as usual. Just before
I got out, I switched the original
permit with the temporary I had
been given even though the secu
rity clerk had told me to report to
them immediately if I found it be
cause cruisers would be looking out
for my stolen permit. Unfortu
nately, I mistakenly reasoned that
they would be looking on other ve
hicles. As you may have already
guessed, when I returned two hours
later, there was now a $100 ticket
for using a stolen permit. (For you
evangelical readers, this is only a
$25 fine at UNO.) The supervisor
of security rightly refused to dis
miss the fine because the number
on my plates had changed (owing
to our move here from Omaha).
That is when Satan whispered in
my ear.
“But the name is the same!” I
cried. “Is it not obvious that this is
not a stolen permit? Can’t we just
be human?!”
Obviously, I had missed the
point entirely.
If we are allowed to skirt the
Law on so minor a point as $100,
what next might we do?
Sadly, all attempts to redeem my
soul have worked to the contrary.
How insidious are the ways of
sin once we start down that path.
Though I have been humbled, I am
not reformed. Where once I broke
only minor Commandments, now I
lust after monstrous revenge. In
another week, I am scheduled to
appear before the Student Tribunal
to plead for mercy and forgiveness.
But in my heart, I do not want for
giveness. I want to park in the
middle of Broyhill Fountain! It is
probably too late for me, but take
these words to heart and save your
self.
Fortunately, there is a 12-step
program for everything; now there
is PO Anonymous (parking offend
ers anonymous, of course), spon
sored by our own beloved Parking
Services. If you have broken any
parking regulations or have ques
tions about the rites of initiation into
the fellowship of the Holy Bureau
cracy, or if you’d simply like more
information on the necessity of ex
cessive fines, please drop by their
office and introduce yourself as a
PO student.
They’ll be happy to show you
the light.
Schneider is a senior English major
