Tied... not!
Marriage licenses don’t count, but love does
The question of marriage is
complicated and raises emotions
everywhere. Homosexuals fight for
the right to get married to those they
love. Last year, half of the popula
tion of Ireland failed to achieve the
right to get divorced from those they
don’t love anymore.
At the individual level, there are
various tensions connected to the
issue of marriage. Some people feel
inferior because they aren’t married
yet. Some people have to explain to
their relatives why they aren’t
married yet. Some people wonder
whether they married the right
person.
A practical solution to all these
and many other problems would be
that nobody gets married. Why
bother? Weddings are expensive;
everyday life together doesn’t
change after the honeymoon, and
more than 50 percent of American
marriages in the 1990s end in
divorce anyway.
Every culture knows the concept
of marriage — it’s one of the easiest
words to translate from one language
to another. In native societies, the
primary function of marriage was to
strengthen political ties between
different tribes or kins. Since then,
marriage has continuously lost its
importance. One hundred years ago,
getting married was still a big issue
because you were more or less stuck
with the person you chose for the
rest of your life. In a post-war world,
divorces have become common and
socially acceptable. In Ireland,,
couples that could get divorced if
they lived in another country live
separated instead. Modem people
don’t consider marriage as a lifelong
commitment, despite whatever the
church or older generations may say.
Of course there are exceptions.
Voera Suplnen
“Some people feel
inferior because they
aren't married yet. Some
people have to explain to
their relatives why they
aren't married yet. Some
people wonder whether
they married the right
person."
Although the divorce rate in the
United States is extremely high and
tends to make one cynical, many
people still take the matter of finding
the right spouse seriously. And
although the world becomes more
secularized, religious aspects of
marriage mean a lot to many. There
is, however, an increasing number of
people who get married just for the
custom. For some people, getting
married is psychologically important
because the fuss around weddings
helps them to prove to themselves
and show to the rest of the world that
they have a steady relationship. This
way of thinking has no basis because
getting divorced is getting easier and
easier to obtain—and today it is
viewed as an acceptable way to get
out of a commitment. A strong and
lasting relationship shouldn’t depend
on a status the society puts on you
when you have written your name on
a piece of paper or repeated certain
words.
Concrete things that matter in two
people’s day-to-day life and their
economy are things such as whether
they live together, share the same
kitchen and have children. Many
couples do this without getting
married. The couples who wish to
have a supernatural blessing to their
relationship should, of course, get
married according to their religious
beliefs. Many people don’t care
about religion but like beautiful
dresses, cakes and flowers. These
people could still invite their friends
to parties similar to weddings. The
only thing about marriage that is
outdated and should be removed is
its status as a legalized and institu
tionalized relationship.
Marriage, in most countries, is
impossible for two people of the
same sex, and can’t indicate a true
affection anymore anyway. Any man
and woman, no matter how little
love and mutual respect they have
for each other, can officially tie the
knot anytime and by doing so have
certain advantages. Social stigmas
categorizing people as single,
married and divorced are unneces
sary, but giving and receiving love
remains the best part of human life.
Lover’s day is always worth
celebrating.
Happy Valentine’s Day to
everybody.
Suplnea Is a Junior history aad Ameri
can studies major and a Dally Nebraskan
columnist
Cupid’s
81-year-old inspiration earns Valentine kudos
Every February 14th, it is the
tradition of many to give out a
Valentine to special people.
In my opinion, no one is more
special or deserving of a Valentine
than Izzie Rotterman, an 81-year-old
man from Popano, Florida. „
You’re probably wondering how
Mr. Rotterman is different from'
other 81-year-old men. You see,
Izzie is a crime-fighter; a beacon of
justice, if you will.
Also, Izzie hits people on the
head with onions.
According to the Associated
Press last Wednesday, Rotterman
and his 55-year-old business partner,
Gloria Lepcio, were about to get a
bite to eat when a man leapt from a
car and grabbed Lepcio’s purse.
Unlike most victims (and much to
the mugger’s surprise), Izzie
produced an onion and began
“pummeling” the mugger until the
attacker fled to a nearby getaway
car.
If that story doesn’t justify Izzie
getting a Valentine, then certainly
the fact that he has a business
partner almost 30 years his junior
does.
Now it’s no front-page news that
America has its problems with
illegal activities. To combat some of
these problems, many states have *
implemented new methods to control
rising crime.
For example, earlier this year,
Texas made it legal to carry con
cealed weapons. (Editor’s note:
Texas law defines “weapons” as
guns, knives or pictures of Phil
Gramm playing the flute with his
nose.)
Perhaps as a direct result of that
law, crime in Texas has dropped by
more than 30 percent.
Other states have tried building
more jails, and some have even gone
as far as to sell inmates to Australia
for peach juice.
(I should point out that the only
Steve Willey
“... other than Athletic
Director Bill Byrne, who
would take money from
a man who dangled
string from his nose and
chanted 7 am the
Panda Woman?"
state that takes this stance is Missis
sippi. They are only doing it to
appease my father, who has some
how obtained five nudie pictures of
the Governor and Ann Landers—
Steve.)
I’m more inclined, however, to
side with Izzie Rotterman and his
approach to crime control.
Think about it. If you were a
mugger and beaten by an 81-year
old man with an onion, would you
continue your acts of thievery? I
doubt it.
Chances are you’d move to
Botswana, change your name, and
never mention the incident again.
You would live a chastened life.
The only personal contact you
would get would be phone calls from
other giggling muggers shouting
“Look out! He’s got an onion!” and
the like.
To me, it’s the bizarre nature of
this tale that makes it so Valentine
deserving.
81-year-olds are not SUPPOSED
to produce onions and strike people;
but 94-year-olds are famous for
mailing turnips to people of Russian
descent
I think Izzie epitomizes America
and its stance on tolerating crime.
You do the crime, you get whapped
with an onion, or any vegetable for
that matter.
What Izzie has figured out is
something we all would be wise to
learn. Izzie knows that attackers are
odd by nature and prey upon people
of normalcy.
If we were to act a little strange
before or after the attack, as Izzie
did, it would destroy crime as we
know it.
For example, other than Athletic
Director Bill Byrne, who would take
money from a man who dangled
string from his nose and chanted “I
am the Panda Woman”?
I tried to call Izzie, but his
number was no longer listed. I can
only assume he was getting many
harassing calls from other muggers
telling him that the “onion thang”
was uncalled for.
I wanted to thank him. I wanted
to get his side of the story and find
out what in the hell he was doing
with an onion.
(Actually, I later learned that
Izzie carries sweet onions because
they are easier on his stomach but
are well known for their ability to
crush skulls.)
I’m really looking forward to the
next time someone steals my purse.
(It happens every week or so.)
Unlike before, I’m now packing
onions.
I no longer walk in fear, and I
have only an 81-year-old Valentine
to thank for it.
Willey is a Junior ag-journalism major
and a Daily Nebraskan columnist
Illiteracy on-the-job
a common problem
Because I was out of the office
and needed the phone number for
the Chicago Tribune’s Washing
ton bureau, I called long-distance
information.
“In D.C.,” I told the operator
who answered, “what’s the
number of the Chicago Tribune?”
There was a long pause.
Finally, she came back on and
said:
“How do you spell that?”
“Spell what?”
“Uh, is that S-H-I?”
“Are you talking about
Chicago?”
“Uh-huh.”
As gently as I could, I said:
“Are you telling me that you
don’t know how to spell the name
of the third largest city in the
United States?”
She responded by mumbling.
So I said: “I can’t believe this.
You really don’t know how to
spell Chicago? What would
happen if I asked for something
with Philadelphia in its name.”
Another mumble. Then there
was a click. She cut me off.
A minor incident? No, it’s a
significant incident. It shows how
illiteracy is oozing into all sorts
of cracks in our society.
You have to ask: How did that
person get a job with the phone
company?
Didn’t she have to fill out an
application? Assuming that she
did, how many words did she
goof up if she couldn’t get the
first syllable of Chicago right?
In my case, it was not a big
deal. I could call back, get
someone else, who will provide
the number.
But what if that first operator
answered when someone called
and said: “Someone here is
having a heart attack. I need an
emergency number.”
“Uh, how do you spell that?”
“Spell what?”
“Is that M-E-R?”
“You mean emergency?”
“Uh-huh.”
Don’t laugh. If she reached
something approaching adult
hood, went through a school
system, and got herself hired by a
huge corporation without being
able to spell Chicago, why should
we assume that she can spell
anything? Even her name.
But it isn’t only at the 202 area
code. Any time you call informa
tion, you are taking a gamble.
I once asked a Chicago
information operator for the
number of Chicago Magazine.
“How do you spell that word?”
she asked.
“Chicago?”
“No, that other word.”
“Magazine?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t know how to spell
magazine?”
“Yeah.”
“OK. M as in mother...”
The other day, I called an
information operator in Chicago
and asked for the number to CRIS
Radio. I spelled it slowly: “C-R-I
S.”
She clicked me to an automatic
response. I dialed it, someone
Mike Royko
answered, and I began talking.
The person on the other end
said: “Uh, this is Crystal Radio,
not CRIS.”
We’re in trouble. Schools give
diplomas to borderline illiterates,
corporations hire them for
“service” jobs that should require
at least an eighth grade grasp of
fundamental English. And they
are turned loose on the public.
Not long ago, I was in a big
drugstore checkout line when the
scanner system crashed.
The woman behind the counter
faced the task of manually
punching in the price of the items.
It was beyond her. She started
yelling at the manager. He yelled
at her. The checkout line got
longer, so I dropped my basket of
products on the nearest table and
left.
So who is at fault? The school
system for shoving diplomas in
the hands of people who can’t
spell “Chicago” or “magazine” or
do basic math?
No, I doubt that many teachers
go to their gut-rumbling jobs in
the morning and tell themselves,
“I want these kids to leave here
stupid.”
Nor are educational opportuni
ties lacking. Forty or 50 years
ago, Chicago had two or three
junior colleges. The only in-town
state facility was a two-year
University of Illinois branch at
Navy Pier.
Now we have a city-wide
chain of junior colleges. They
ain’t Harvard, but you can’t beat
the price. We have a full-service
University of Illinois campus
downtown and state colleges all
over Chicago and the suburbs.
The growth of educational
opportunity has been quietly
amazing, as is the availability of
scholarships at private institu
tions.
So maybe the problem is the
parents. We might be getting
warm. When parents don’t care if
their offspring learn to read and
write, whose fault is that?
We now have ignorance being
passed from generation to
generation. At the same time, we
tax the heck out of those who
study, work hard, save, invest and
build businesses and a net worth.
Then we use their money to prop
up those who can’t spell “Chi
cago.”
But maybe we should look at
the bright side.
If people who can’t spell
words like Chicago or magazine
can still wind up with decent jobs
and regular paychecks, this is still
a land of remarkable opportunity.
That’s spelled o-p-p...
(C) Tribune Media Services, Iuc.
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