Some holiday
Valentine’s Day should be a lesson for men
I m writing this column as a
public service to those of
you who are about to forget
Valentine’s Day.
But don’t get me wrong. I loathe
Valentine’s Day. It’s just that I would
rather see this holiday consciously
and deliberately ignored, not
forgotten.
First of all, a real holiday should
involve time off from work.
Valentine’s Day fails on that count.
Good holidays also should
sanction unusual behavior, such as
dressing like a fool (Halloween),
overeating (Thanksgiving), over
spending (Christmas), drinking too
much (New Year’s Eve and all of the
above) or blowing things up (Fourth
of July).
If being nice to your significant
other counts as unusual behavior for
you, then you deserve all the cheap
candy and Pepto-Bismol that this
holiday brings.
I’m convinced that the sole
purpose of Valentine’s Day — aside
from die obvious interest of retailers
— is to make single people feel like
losers, and to goad couples into
screaming fits of mutual disgust.
Valentine’s Day makes everyone I
know feel guilty, desperate and/or
indignant.
I never know what to do with
myself on Valentine’s Day. This year
I asked a male friend if he’d like to
take me and another single female
out. He was enthusiastic at first, but
he backed out after he realized that
we wanted him for a whipping boy,
not a date.
Some holiday.
Anyway, I thought I’d continue
with the public service theme by
telling all the male readers of the
Daily Nebraskan exactly what
women want. But having consulted a
couple of my female friends (both
eligible bachelorettes), I decided it
would be easier to tell you all what
we DON’T want.
Jennifer Mapes
“Valentine’s Day makes
everyone I know feel
guilty; desperate and/or
indignant. ”
So listen up.
Despite its best intentions,
feminism has unleashed a few very
large and potentially harmful
misconceptions about women on the
world at large. For starters, women
are DIFFERENT than men. Yes, we
do want to be treated as equals. But
that does not mean that we want men
to treat us as they treat other men.
We do not want men to slap us on
the ass. We don’t want to be told that
we’ve gained weight. Nor do we
want to be tackled and thrown to the
floor for play-wrestling matches. We
don’t want to hear jokes or see you
light your farts on fire at parties.
My friends and I agreed, however,
that we don’t want to be treated like
princesses, either. It’s hard to pretend
that you’re having a good time when
there’s a pedestal rammed up your
rear end.
We don’t like it when men try to
leave all the decisions up to us. If
you want me to decide what to do,
when to dp it, and how — well, get
back to me when you grow a
backbone.
Women generally don’t want to
hear bad pickup lines, but these can
be a difficult issue. On the one hand,
bad pickup lines are irritating as hell.
But they also make great conversa
tion pieces later on. Take the
following excerpt from an actual
conversation I once had with a man
in a bar:
He: Are your eyes green?
Me: No, they’re sort of hazel.
He: Well, if they were brown, I
would have bought you a beer.
Me: (after an incredulous pause)
Well, go away then.
Another famous (last) line: Hello,
I’ll be your stalker this evening.
And saon.
My friends and I also agreed that
we do not want anyone to lean over
and whisper, “Has anyone ever told
you that you’re beautiful?” Have you
ever been in a bar at last call?
Most women would much rather
be complimented for their talent,
their wit or their accomplishments. If
you’re dating a woman who has none
of the above, I’ll tell you what I
always tell my male friends. It’s best
to avoid any woman whose finger
nails are longer than her attention
span.
Likewise, I will never date a man
who thinks he’s prettier than me, or
takes longer to fix his hair than I do.
When I asked my friends what
they did want from men, the first
one said “casual sex.” Not constant
attention, commitment or babies —
just an occasional male body to fill
the space reserved for a real boy
friend, if she ever finds one. The
other friend agreed.
We all want boyfriends who will
treat us like friends and respect us as
individuals.
We’re still single, guys. Does that
tell you anything?
Mapes is a senior advertising and
history major and a Daily Nebraskan
colnmnJst.
Talk is cheap
Actions, not words, create a true leader
Leadership can be a hard thing to
come by, whether it’s needed for a
corporation, a summer camp or, say,
a university.
The University of Nebraska
Lincoln just brought on board a new
chancellor. Mr. Moeser’s his name,
and running universities is his game.
To quote an old movie, he’s fine,
you’re fine — everybody’s just fine.
He wants to observe the situation
before doing anything.
Well, that sounds like a prudent
course of action.
He wants to expand academic
standards and achievements in the
university’s programs.
Great! Sign me right up!
He plans to easily become a
Husker.
Well, good luck. I’ve been here
six months, and I’m still figuring it
out.
Here’s the deal. Ask yourself if
there is really any difference
between the old boss and the new, or
if it’s all just a new coat of paint on
the same old caddy shack.
Talk, as they say, is cheap, and the
real difference between a true leader
and a true propaganda minister is in
the actions, not the words.
I’m not just reflecting on Mr.
Moeser’s qualifications, now; it
remains to be seen which of the
above categories he belongs to. To
give him his due, he’s inherited a
tough job, and I wish him the best of
luck.
But the fact remains that every
day, people are placed into positions
of authority — often with life and
death consequences — who have no
business being there in the first
place.
History abounds with examples of
misplaced trust in leadership
positions. Read about a certain Lt.
Kelly and the Mai Lai incident.
Reflect upon the way some southern
FM Poyner
“Whether we elect them,
hire them, or find
ourselves under their
command, the
- important thing to
remember is that we
each have a say when it
comes down to how our
leaders LEAD. This is the
foundation for our
country— holding our
leaders accountable is
part of the process. ”
politicians wielded their power
against the civil rights movement.
Think about the last time a tax
increase cut into your pocketbook,
and whether your state representa
tive fought against it.
Whether we elect them, hire
them, or find ourselves under their
command, the important thing to
remember is that we each have a say
when it comes down to how our
leaders LEAD. This is the founda
tion for our country—holding our
leaders accountable is part of the
process.
It’s easy to promise a chicken in
every oven, or forty acres and a
mule. It’s another thing altogether
living up to those same promises.
That’s why when somebody tells me
they are going to expand academic
excellence, I’d like a few more
details.
For instance, is part of his plan to
review academic disciplinary
policies and make them more
lenient, or more stringent? Is there
any plan for providing additional
resource support to the graduate
school programs? Considering his
background with his previous
university’s fine arts school, would
he like to expand the arts’ programs
here? Would the inclusion of more
exchange programs with other
countries provide additional learning
opportunities for students?
I ask and expect a lot from the
people I choose to follow. I hold
them accountable for their actions,
especially when these actions
contradict what they’ve previously
told me. The rubber-stamp leader is
an anathema to me, representing
George Orwell’s worst visions of a
world governed by image and self
inflicted blindness.
Question your leaders. Find out
why they fulfill the roles they do,
and judge for yourself whether they
deserve to be there based on your
discoveries.
The biggest part of any leader’s
power base is from the support of
the followers. The followers hold
their leaders accountable and guard
against this base being abused.
Ask now or pay later. It’s your
choice.
Poyaer is a graduate stadeat ia
miseim • tidies ud a Dally Nebratkaa
cotamaist
Simpson acts seen
as television theater
Staring at the TV screen, Slats
Grobnik said: “You know, I got to
give O.J. Simpson some credit.”
Credit? For what?
“For not being a wimp and for
going on TV and all those talk
shows and standing up for himself
against all the knocks against him
in the media.”
But he’s obviously trying to
profit by selling, to those who are
gullible enough, a video that is
filled with distortions, evasions
and obvious lies.
“Hey, a guy’s got to make a
living. What do you want him to
do — apply for unemployment
coup? Like he says — he wants
to get on with his life, which is
the best thing to do with your life
until you croak.”
You mean that you think he is
innocent, that he didn’t do it?
“Nah, I’m like everybody else.
I think he did it. Even people who
say they don’t think he did it,
down deep they know he did. And
I guess I was kind of teed off
when he got acquitted. But like
they say, we got to keep this all in
perspective.”
What kind of perspective?
“Well, it ain’t like he does it all
the time. If he really did it, that
was the first wife he ever bumped
off. And the first restaurant waiter.
So the odds are he won’t never do
it again. Don’t that count?”
Count? For what?
“He’s a first offender. Until he
made this one mistake, he was
kind of a model citizen except for
them spats with his wife. And
i chances are, he ain’t a danger to
I society. I always thought that was
something the law had to think
about — that everybody is
entitled to one mistake.”
Yes, but that was not one of
your everyday mistakes. We’re
not talking about shoplifting or
running a red light. We’re talking
homicide.
“Well, it’s all the way you look
at it. You ever been to the opera?”
Not as a habit, but yes, I have.
“Well, in some of the greatest
operas, stuff like this happens. I
mean, people got knocked off.
And you ever read Shakespeare?”
He’s a bit wordy, but yes. I’ve
seen his plays.
“Same thing. I mean, they do
some really bad stuff. But that
don’t mean they’re bad people. It
just means that their heads were
messed up. And that’s why in the
opera and Shakespeare, we feel
sorry for the people who goof up.
It’s what the literary types call a
tragedy.”
So you think we’re supposed
to feel sorry for O.J.?
“Well, when the opera or the
Shakespeare play is over, and the
stage is covered with all them
dead stiffs, look at what the
people in the audience do.”
Such as?
“They stand up and they
applaud and they cheer and they
yell bravo, great job, and they go
out to dinner and talk about what
a terrific performance it was.”
But that is theater.
“So? What do you think the
Mike Royko
O.J. case was? It was great TV
theater, and it still is. That’s why
the networks are still chasing him
and Larry King would interview
Kato the barking dog if it could
talk. Or Kato the actor if it could
think.”
True, there is a certain morbid
interest.
“It ain’t all that morbid. One of
the jurors popped up in Playboy
showing off her bare bumpers and
looking happy. And some of the
other jurors have put out books
and their pictures are on the
covers looking as bouncy as if
they were on a love boat cruise
instead of bringing in a verdict in
a murder trial.”
Ah, you have finally used the
key word;— murder. That is what
we’re really talking about.
“Uh-uh. That was last year,
and it’s over. Now we’re talking
about a professional celebrity and
the problems he’s having getting
on with his life. You know, O.J. is
a golfer, and golf ain’t cheap.”
Then maybe he should give up
golf.
“What’s he supposed to do,
bowl? Forget it. Bowlers don’t
bump off their wives. And if they
do, the bowler is fat and his wife
is fat, so who cares? Not the
networks. When was the last time
they did a special on a bowler
who bumped off his wife?”
What does that have to do with
anything?
“Because, face it, he’s special.
He was an All-American, an All
Pro, a super-duper star. And after
he finished football, he became a
professional celebrity. And
nothing’s changed. He’s still a
professional celebrity.” ■
You have a point.
“So what do professional
celebrities do for a living?”
I guess they go on TV and
radio talk shows and display
themselves for our enjoyment.
“Right. Today, you call a
plumber for a frozen pipe and he
might not show up. The pizza guy
delivers it cold. A doc don’t make
house calls.”
So?
“So, O.J. is just doing his job.
He’s a celebrity and he’s acting
like one. If everybody did their
jobs the way he does, we’d be in
better shape. So I give him
credit.”
I hadn’t thought of it that way.
But how long will this O.J. stuff
be with us?
“Until O.J. is old and gray.”
Then we can ignore him?
“No, then we’ll have a banquet
and make him the elder statesman
of wife-killers.”
(Q 1996 Chicago Tribune
