Friday, February 2, 1996 Page 4 J. Christopher Haiti Doug Kouma. Doug Peters. Sarah Scalet. Matt Waite. Michelle Garner... Jennifer Mapes_ Nebraskan Editorial Board University of Nebraska-Lincoln .Editor, 472-1766 .Managing Editor .. Opinion Page Editor Associate News Editor Associate News Editor .Wire Editor .Columnist Ql OTES OF THE \\ EEk “I never wanted to come to Nebraska more than when I was sitting in London. I wanted to find out about the Fiesta Bowl. Those extra days were torture.” ^ —Jonathan Kerr, UNL student from Scotland, on a visa delay caused by the government shutdown. “I’ve been fighting with Gov. Nelson, but I’ve been fighting for you.” — Attorney’ General Don Stenberg, in a press conference after his official candidacy filing for the U.S. Senate. “One guy was just sitting in his couch. He never had a chance.” — Tennessee firefighter James Dean, on one victim of the crash of a Navy F-14fighter into a house. “I still know how to play this game.” — Newly-unretired Los Angeles Laker Magic Johnson, on his return to the NBA. “There is no killer on death row for whom the death penalty is more appropriate.” — Attorney General Don Stenberg, on a U.S. Circuit Court ruling reinstating convicted murderer John Joubert’s death penalty. “We expect the vendors to be honest with us.” — Bill Bode, director of UNL’spurchasing department, on the university’s policy of issuing signed, blank checks for purchases of less than $500. “Doesn’t take a rocket scientist or even a psychiatrist to say the guy was crazy.” — Law professor Eddie Ohlbaum on John E. duPont, who is accused of murdering Olympic wrestling champion Dave Schultz. “I soldered it together with a Bic lighter. Toward the end, I had to use my Zippo ‘cause I needed more heat.” —Jared Alberico, on how he built his Theremin, an unusual electric musical instrument. “Unscrupulous agents will harm the reputation of the athletic program and the state.” — Former Nebraska running back and current sports agent George Achola, testifying before the Legislature. “When the temperature drops as low as it’s supposed to this week, it doesn’t take much exposure for flesh to freeze. A person can get frostbite in a matter of minutes.” — Laurie Sutter, Lancaster County Health Department health educator. “The doctor said if it comes out of place again, we’ll just put it back... I’m getting used to the pain now.” — Nebraska wrestler Tony DeAnda on wrestling despite his broken nose. “It’s politically correct, and anyone can do it. We’re talking about power to the people.” —Josh Pfenning, on the up-and-coming sport of radio-controlled racing. “We’re in a constant state of readiness. The gross violations the EPA had found we have cleaned up. We’ve taken a big step in the right direction.” —James Main, assistant vice chancellor of business and finance at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Editorial policy Staff editorials represent the official policy of the Spring 1996 Daily Ne braskan. Policy is set by the Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board. Editorials do not necessarily reflect the views of the university, its employees, the stu dents or the NU Board of Regents. Editorial columns represent the opin ion of the author. The regents publish the Daily Nebraskan. They establish the UNL Publications Board to super vise the daily production of the paper. According to policy set by the regents, responsibility for die editorial content of the newspaper lies solely in the hands of its students. Letter policy The Daily Nebraskan welcomes brief letters to the editor finn all readers and interested others. Letters will be selected for publication on the basis of clarity, originality, timeliness and space available. The Daily Nebraskan retains the right to edit or reject all material submitted. Readers also are welcome to submit mate rial as guest opinions. The editor decides whether material should run as a guest opinion. Letters and guest opinions sent to the newspaper become the property of the Daily Nebraskan and cannot be re turned. Anonymous submissions will not be pub lished. Letters should include the author’s name, year in school, major and group affiliation, if any. Re quests to withhold names will not be granted. Submit material to: Daily Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska Union, 1400 R St. Lincoln, Neb. 68588-0448. f-'l miTWRgS CERTAIN^ none in the iNvb mu. i I Kill US TO I NK EDITOR Keep it up I am writing in response to the articles written by Steve Willey. I seriously cannot remember a time that I laughed out loud at any article in the DN before. The only provok ing response I can ever remember is the negative feelings I used to have after reading a Jamie Karl article. But Willey obviously has a style of writing all to his own. Fortunately, I was able to see the response by many different people yesterday while they were reading the article, and I saw students, parents, professionals, state senators and lobbyists all react in the same positive manner. There was defi nitely a buzz of conversation created by his article. After reading his first article, I looked for his next one every day I came to the University. I would also like to say, keep up the good work Steve, and keep those grades up. It would be a shame if the paper lost its most original writer. Eric Leyden senior history Tube socks?! Obviously, Steve, there are many more “kinds” of people in the world, one of which are those that don’t masturbate at all. For many, the act is indeed shameful, abhorrent to God, demeaning to your spouse, fiancee or girlfriend, and downright sinful. It’s either a sin or it isn’t, either right or wrong, to thought lessly go around depositing your seeds wherever. To print an article like yours in the first place is likewise sinful. Do you think Jesus was offended or indifferent? What about your readers who may be struggling with the temptation, trying to maintain a clear con science? Have you led them astray? We glimpsed a trace of your conscience when you briefly considered your mother’s reaction. Each act dulls your conscience until you finally regard masturbation as r “safe sex”! Get a clue! This lifestyle has opened the door to prolonged sexual dysfunc tion when you reach adulthood. Unfortunately, you may marry someday. Qn your wedding night and long after, I predict you’ll suffer from premature ejaculation. How many men have complained that they can’t make it through a lingerie department without dropping into the restroom for a solo “quickie”? Other men regretfully declare that it paved the way into pornography. Or how many wives have expressed frustration because their husbands are avowed members of the “min utemen.” No wonder they feel used, when guys like you only need to “get your rocks off,” and couldn’t care less about satisfying your spouse. Lastly, Steve, we’re called to control our animal instincts, not be slaves to sins of the flesh. An alcoholic is a slave to the bottle; you’re a slave to instant gratifica tion, a masturbation-holic. Do yourself (and future spouse who deserves better) a favor by conquering this serious offense to God. A clear conscience is much more admirable and fulfilling than filling full your tube socks! ^Richard O’Hearn project manager facilities management Give him a hand I applaud Steve Willey for his well-written and hilarious article about masturbation. I haven’t laughed that hard since I saw Chris j Farley play motivational speaker Matt Foley on Saturday Night Live. (Don’t you remember that fat guy who lived in a van down by the river?) Unfortunately, I have to pledge my allegiance to the group who doesn’t admit to “walking the pony.” Given the ultra-conservative views of this university and its leaders, I’m surprised that this “subversive” article was even allowed to go to print. It’s too bad that Steve is an ag-joumalism major. I bet he will have a tough time getting his sexual-rebellion articles past the editors at the Angus Weekly Report. / Jon Schauble graduate student environmental engineering Farewell Last week the psychology department at UNL lost a valued friend, colleague and teacher in Brian Sarata. Brian committed himself to his students andto the pursuit of cultural diversity. For those of us who knew and loved him, his light forever will remain a constant in the halls of Burnett Hall. Good night, sweet prince. Claudia Price-Decker administrative tech psychology fcena your DrieT leners to: uaiiy NeorasKan, 34 Ne braska Union, 1400 “R” Street, Lincoln, NE 68588, or Fax to (402) 472-1761, or e-mail . Letters must be signed and include a phone number for verification. "