Arts ^Entertainment
Friday, October 27, 1995 Page 11
Brian Priesman
Nice guys
like chance
at romance
I am single.
I just thought I’d
mention that, in
case any beauti
ful, smart and
funny young la
dies are single,
too.
Somehow I
doubt that this
| pitiful plea for
^ companionship
win get me anywnere. wnyr Be
cause I am a nice guy.
It’s a proven fact — nice guys
don’t get laid. At least not until they
are over 30. I developed this theory
after years (well months ... OK, yes
terday at lunch) of careful research
and testing. I’ve asked countless girls
out on dates and been turned down by
a large majority of them. Okay, it was
only two. But I can dream, can’t I?
And after all of my studies, I can
offer scientific proof that women are
only interested in nice guys as friends.
Let me explain myself. Men can
be put into three categories: Mr. Nice
Guy, Mr. Average and Mr. Jerkwad.
Actually, there’s another category —
Mr. Spineless-Guppy-Mamma’s Boy.
But there’s no hope for the fourth
type, so I won’t mention him again.
I’ve even developed a handy little
test to determine which category you
fit in. But unfortunately, there’s not
enough space to print it here. Maybe
another time.
Most women — not an, out most
— have this deep, burning need to
“change their man.” You see, all
women want a nice guy, but they
want to make him themselves.
Women will follow Mr. Jerkwad like
little puppy dogs for months on end.
They’ll put up with being stood up,
ignored and used for their bodies and
their pocketbooks. And why? Be
cause they feel that they can change
these guys.
The only thing a women wants
from a nice guy is his friendship.
We’re the ones they turn to when Mr.
Jerkwad has stood them up. We’re
the ones that become the trusted con
fidant. And you know what? We’re
tired of it!
Nice guys have feelings too! We
have needs just like everyone else.
But no one ever thinks that a nice guy
could be attracted to anyone else. No,
we’re just the trusted male friend.
So nice guys of the world unite!
Now is the time to put up or shut up.
We must band together and either
show the women of the world what
we have to offer, or change into what
all women really want!
Now is the time to become Mr.
Jerkwad! Leave your houses and
apartments messy! Cheat on your date
and say you did it because you love
her! Stop footing the bill for every
thing! Start scratching your ass in
front of your date and hitting on the
waitress at dinner! Only then will we
become attractive to women!
Maybe there’s hope, though.
Maybe the tide is turning in favor of
the nice guy. Maybe we nice guys can
can get lucky and find happiness in
life. After all, if my roommate, a
wannabe Mr. Nice Guy if there ever
was one, can be dating, anyone can
be dating!
Prlesman Is a freshman news-editorial
major and a Dally Nebraskan staff reporter.
Spooked
Volunteers help to haunt the Heartland
By Gerry Beltz and Jeff Randall
Senior Reporters "
When Halloween rolls around, images of
pumpkins, candy, trick or treating, the Charlie
Brown TV special, and getting scared to death
are conjured up.
Although most of these are available at home,
scaring oneself often requires a trip to one of the
many haunted houses that seem to spring up
everywhere this time of year.
And while getting frightened beyond belief,
it may please people to know that most of these
sites of terror are created for a good cause.
Charity groups, community service organi
zations, businesses and concerned citizens all
contribute energy, money and physical labor.
Habitat for Humanity is one of these groups.
The organization, which helps build homes for
low-income families, has been sponsoring the
Never Ending Nightmare house in Omaha.
DaNae Keys, VISTA volunteer coordinator
at Habitat for Humanity, helped gather volun
teers for the Never Ending Nightmare. Recruit
ing began in September, and Keys said the effort
from the volunteers had been tremendous.
From 25 and 40 children have been present
each night of the event to help out, as well as 10
to 12 adult volunteers. ,
“People seem very happy to come out and
give a hand to the project,” Keys said.
Pete Picard has been working with the Sertoma
Club’s 12-year-old Ride of Terror (2601 Saltillo
Road) for the past decade, and he said a majority
of the club’s members help with the attraction.
“We have a grand time putting it on,” Picard
said. “We have some folks you just can’t keep
away.”
What separates a good haunted house from a
great haunted house may be debatable.
John Chism, this year’s project chairman for
the Lincoln Jaycees’ Chamber of Terror (1023
O St.), said the well-being of haunted house
visitors was important.
“The ideal haunted house is a safe haunted
house,” Chism said. “In any amusement like this
where you disorient and scare people, safety is
the first priority.”
Others said shock and surprise were impor
tant qualities in a haunted house.
“We have six to ten people roaming around
causing general mayhem,” Picard said.
“It’s all in good fun. We’re really trying to
scare the people — and not do any harm —
because that’s what they came out for.”
The perennial appeal of haunted houses is a
mystery that Keys said wasn’t very difficult to
solve.
“I think that people just get a thrill out of the
unexpected, and that’s what haunted houses
provide. It’s a good release.”
“It’s just like why people go to the movies,”
Chism said. “It’s an escape from daily life.
“At haunted houses, you’re in the movie.”
Bret Gottschalf/DN
Other Halloween Events db
0 Boo at the Zoo • family affair stuff at the Folsom Children’s %
Zoo, 26th and B streets. Through Monday. $1, general public,
free to zoo members, 50 cents for each train ride, ana $1.50
for an official treat bag.
0 Halloween Spooktacular - back-to-nature meets Halloween %.
at the Chet Ager Nature Center (located in Pioneers Park).
Cost is $3 for children (three years and under are free).
Through tomorrow.
HI Ffear Asylum Haunted House -Sponsored by the Waverlyjaycees U
at 10951 N. 142nd Street in Waverly, runs through Halloween
from 7:30 to 10 p.m. Cost is $4 for adults, $3 for children.
Mystery Manor • Omaha's oldest haunted house is at 716
N. 18th St. Cost is $6, and runs 7 to 10 p.m. on weekdays
and until midnight on Friday and Saturday through
Halloween night.
Alien Harvest - mixes "Alien" and "Invasion of the Body
Snatchers" at the old Burlington Station at 10th and Pacific
streets in Omaha. $6 per person, and runs through
Halloween.
The Dead Zone - a haunted barn at Grampa Johns Pumpkin
Patch, NW 48th Street and Highway 34 (two miles west of
the Kawaski Plant). Through Halloween. $5 each.
Swick’s second story collection published
By Jeff Randall
Senior Reporter
Marly Swick writes about loss and disap
pointment, about relationships gone wrong and
the effects they have on the people in them.
But she doesn’t want to be all that depressing.
“Hopefully, I can convey some sense of
humor about the characters and their situa
tions,” Swick said.
And readers have a chance to find out in her
newest book, “The Summer Before the Summer
of Love,” published by Harper Collins. It is
Swick’s second published collection of short
stories.
For Swick, an associate professor of English,
writing has been a calling since childhood.
“My mother was always an avid reader, so I
always read. And since I was reading so much it
just seemed natural for me to start writing.”
And others have been reading Swick’s work
for more than a decade now. Her writing’s first
public exposure came in 1982, when she had a
short story published in Redbook.
And ever since then, Swick has had her
See SWICK on 12
JeffHaUer/DN
Marly Swick, an associate professor of English, has recently had her second
book published. “The Summer Before the summer of Love” is a collection of
short stories.