Life after OJ.
Country braces for Simpson trial verdict
The End.
I have spent many a sleepless
night worrying about the inevitable
— The End! On the nights that I do
get some sleep, I have scary
nightmares. And I wake up whim
pering. The dream catcher hanging
above my head is obviously not
doing its job! But I won’t worry
about that now — for I have worse
things to worry about!
Like The End of The Trial!
What would happen when it is all
over? I ask myself over and over
again; What indeed?
What about the survivors? And
what about the victims? Above all,
what about US — you and me and
the common man on the street?
How will the world deal with The
Aftermath?
The French can test their notori
ous nuclear warheads. I don’t care.
A bunch of women can gather
and grumble about innocuous
incidents like rape, domestic
violence and equal rights. Whiners!
Why should I care?!
The thinning ozone layer. The
thinning forest cover. The growing
hole over Antarctica. Drilling holes
into Alaska. Apathy, you say! I
don’t care about your criticism
anyway.
Oil spills on oceans and spotted
owls absconding. Do I have an ,
opinion? Sorry, no.
Fry Willie, for all I care. Frame
ups and Fuhnnan are all so rare.
The Republicans can send us to
hell. I don’t care! i
If worry I must, I shall worry
over a worthier cause. For The i
Judgment Day is coming here!
Will it be anything like it has >]
been foretold? Will the priests and ]
pundits be proven right? i
Exactly what The Verdict would
be, I worry. And I worry more — *
Vennila Ramalingam
"It was an addiction. It
was a preoccupation. It
was a national pastime.
Don't deny, America!''
about The Life-after.
They cannot do this to us! I
mumble repeatedly, incoherently, as
I sit in the comer, crouching.
It was an addiction. It was a
preoccupation. It was a national
pastime. Don’t deny, America! For I
enow. And I see.
Day in and Day out!
You can cut off my life support,
xit I am prepared.
Armageddon is here. And I am
irmed. For in my worries, I had
mticipated just this — The End.
I am one-up on you, America.
While you wilt in worry over what
vould keep you entertained next, I
im prepared.
I’ll do anything to keep The
Memories alive.
I’ll go to the Robert Shapiro
Museum of Simpson History. The
bloody Glove would be the star
ittraction, I hear.
I will not miss a day of the
Johnny Cochran re-Collects”—
Oprah, be ready to give up your
number one spot, I say!
And every night before I go to
bed, I’ll read Marcia’s Memoirs
over and over again.
I’ll buy those McDonald’s
hamburgers, even though I am a
Vegetarian, for I hear they would
come with “The Trial Set”—
featuring Kato Kaelin, Judge Ito, et al.
I’ll laugh fondly at those “Tacito
— Judge Ito” jokes, ever so
faithfully.
I’ll watch for hours the various
specials on The Trial —“O.J.
Memorable Moments” (with moving
music), “Tragic Times,” “Tickles
from The Trial,” etc.
Not to omit Oliver Stone’s “O.J.
— The Man, The Truth, The
Movie.”
out tnen again, it will never be
like before, will it? It will not be
LIVE action, anymore!
While all these tidbits on O.J.
would act as a lifeline to Sanity, one
can not rest assured, fully, totally.
What if one went into a relapse,
even after such gradual phasing out
of O.J.?
Cold Turkey should be avoided
at all costs. It would place national
well-being at risk! So, in total
generosity and with a mind of
Service, I hope our Media Moguls
would come up with a Savior.
I know what is going to happen!
Timothy McVeigh!
They would make Him... our
Savior!
But then, I would think, the
Oklahoma City bombing is too
passionate an issue to be made into
a parody.
But then again, Who Knows?
Ramallngam Is a graduate student lu F
computer science and a Dally Nebraskan [
columnist I
Knowledge, jobs available at Love Library \
Dear Mr. Answer Guy:
I’m a freshman here at UNL, and
although the semester is almost a
third of the way done, I’m really
haying some problems getting
adjusted to academic life at this
university. Plus, I’ve already spent
all the money my parents gave me
for the entire semester. What should
I do? Help!
Signed,
Lost at UNL
Dear Lost:
Don’t fret, my child, the answer
is nearer than you think. Just go to
the library.
As I’m sure you’ve been told
already, Love Library holds the key
to all the mysteries of college life.
There are hundreds of thousands of
books there, and, what’s more, many
of them are even written in English!
The secrets of anything from
quantum physics to intermediate
beer-bong construction are right
there, waiting for you to find them.
The library houses an extensive
collection of academic journals, as
well. And although many useless or
arcane titles, like “The Journal of
Contemporary History,” have been
discontinued, you can still find
cutting-edge information on all the
topics that really matter. Our
collection of the quarterly newsletter
of the Bavarian Veterinarians’
Guild, as a perfect example of the
library’s commitment to students, is
up-to-date and complete (if yOu can
read German).
Love Library has an authoritative
collection of valuable, historical
books as well. Not long ago, the
library acquired a first-folio of
Shakespeare’s collected works that
was published almost 400 years ago
—that makes it even older than the
plumbing in Richards Hall! What
many people don’t know, though, is
that we have not only the million
dollar, first-folio book, but also
Shakespeare’s head, floating
Doug Rotors
“Our collection of the
quarterly neivsletter of
the Bavarian
Veterinarians’ Guild, as
a perfect example of the
library’s commitment to
students, is up-to-date
and complete (if you
can read German). ”
serenely in ajar of formaldehyde.
In snort, the library offers just
about anything you could possibly
want.
All you have to do is get off your
ass and look.
That’s where things get tricky,
though, so be careful.
Perhaps the only drawback of
Love Library is its unique layout
and organizational system. The
seemingly nonsensical distribution
of publications can be a cause of
distress for many who are not
familiar with it. But, my dear Lost, it
is like that for a reason.
Back in the early part of this
century, a team of UNL researchers
were in the Yucatan. On a dig of
ancient Mayan ruins, they unearthed
an amazingly complex set of plans
for a new observatory (the Mayans
were big into astronomy, you know).
The researchers brought the plans i
back to Lincoln, and, at some point, r
the plans became lost. When they
resurfaced years later, they were *
assumed to be the plans for the new C
library. v
So don’t think of Love as a
crappy library, think of it as an ,
awesome observatory. If you don’t r
believe me, walk by the library at £
sunrise on the vernal equinox. The
shadows are unbelievable. Really.
Nevertheless, it is a good idea to
take some safety precautions when
using the library.
Tie a string to your beltloop or
leave a trail of breadcrumbs before
venturing into the stacks. Many have
tried to prove their prowess by
going in without marking their paths
— very few have returned.
I don’t want to scare you off,
Lost, I just want to make sure your
library experience is a positive one.
Oh, and as for the money
problems? No worries.
At Love Library, you can kill two
birds with one stone.
The library has its own classified
ads system. I was there a while back
and was informed of all sorts of
employment opportunities. Just go
into any of the stalls in the men’s
restroom — I couldn’t believe the
number of job listings there were.
Some even had phone numbers and
interview times already posted!
So, Lost, I hope that this piece of
advice will help you find your way
out of the first-semester conundrum
that each of us faces at one time or
another here at UNL.
Get to the library, Lost, it’s the
only way.
Questions for Mr. Answer Guy?
Send a note to: “Mr. Answer Guy”
in care of the Daily Nebraskan.
Questions will be answered at Mr.
Answer Guy’s discretion.
Peters Is a graduate student In journal
ism and a Dally Nebraskan columnist
. hauiowebi os €@mm
Look for the Daily Nebraskan
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m iree microcompuier ciass is oeing orrerea to UNL
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basis.
Introduction to Microsoft Word for Macintosh
Thursday, September 28 3:00 - 4:30 p.m. Bancroft 239
"V s'-i- * i { ■* , i -r • V • 1,'.'
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Grade A NoteTakers are Seniors and Grad
Students. They attend class and take
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These notes can make great supplemental
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Anthro 110 Bio Sci 312 History 101
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