Opinion
Friday, September 15, 1995 Page 4
Daily
Nebraskan
Editorial Board * '
University of Nebraska-Lincoln
J. Christopher Haiti.......... .... Editor, 472-1766
Rainbow Rowell..Managing Editor
Mark Baldridge.Opinion Page Editor
DeDra Janssen... .Associate Hews Editor
, Doug Kouma..Arts & Entertainment Editor
JeffZeleny....Senior Reporter
Matt Woody....:... .Senior Reporter
James Mehsling....Cartoonist
“Lawrence Phillips was involved in an incident early
Sunday morning in which he injured a young woman.”
— Head Coach Tom Osborne
“I feel that if someone has a problem with my gender, male
or female, they aren’t very mature or self confident. And
frankly, I don’t have, nor do 1 make, time for that sort of
ignorance. ” — Stephanie Pitts, commander of the University
of Nebraska-Lincoln’s Air Force ROTC Cadet Corps
“It feels great. I’m glad to be back.” — Mark Wolff (Herbie
Husker)
“I’m not 100 percent. Yes, he looked like him, but I’m not
100 percent. ”—Harold “Bernard” Steward, shooting witness,
when asked to identify Washington
“I’m 100 percent certain.” — Richard Rubin, glove expert,
identifying gloves O J. Simpson wore in a video as “similar” to.
the infamous “bloody” glove
“While I would rather keep this out of the press, I feel
compelled to tell my side of the story to the public.”
— Damon Benning, pleading innocent to third-degree assault
“I’m just behind the scenes doing the work. I’m trying to get
things done.” — Lt. Gov. Kim Robak
* -
“What we know now is that Broyhill Fountain will disap
pear.” —James Griesen on plans to expand the union
“You can pick up the bucket and play it in your hand, or
you can play it like a Congo. ”—Ameenah Kaplan, dancer in
the “Stomp” cast.
“AH of the pot smokers I know are pretty health conscious. ”
— “Curt”
“To characterize this as being an out-of-control situation,
maybe it is. I’ll let you guys be the judge of that.”
— Head CoaCh Tom Osborne.
“We weren’t happy with the quality of the hot dog. ”—Gary
Fouraker, assistant athletic director, on Armour Hot Dog’s
sponsorship at Memorial Stadium. -
“College football is ridiculously out of control.” — Dick
Schaap, ABC television reporter
“It can be a horrfying experience to be the only one all the
time. ” — Gwendolyn Combs, director of affirmative action for
Lincoln Public Schools, on being the-only black person at
Wellesley College.
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Staff editorials represent the official
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kan. Policy is set by toe Daily Nebras
kan Editorial Board. Editorials do not
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university, its employees, die students
ortheNU Board of Regents. Editorial
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' Nebraskan. They establish the UNL*
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ing to policy set by the regents, respon
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Sexy buggers
Even cockroaches have lives of their own
Bugs having sex.
Yes, ye of squeamish faith, we
will be talking about the copulating
tendencies of the entomological
world.
Skittering in the nooks and
crannies of the University of
Nebraska-Lincoln is a large cult of
non-tuition paying residents.
I personally like to call them
cockroaches.
Now, the name alone should
explain their sexuaj tendencies.
I just saw three of the little
buggers in the basement of the
union. At first, they looked busy.
When I looked a little closer (not
too close) I saw that they were
REAL busy.
Cockroach A — we’ll call him
“Hugh” — was gettin’ it on, doin’.
the nasty, procreating, engaging in
sexual intercourse or whatever with
“Ivana” — cockroach B.
Cockroach C, “Lowe,” was
doing a little cockroach dance '
while he waited.
This disturbed me.
Usually, I’d be inclined to stomp
on the happy couple, but it shocked
me to think that maybe, just
maybe, these icky bugs had real
lives.
They actually did things like
hunt for food under the snack
machines, run wind-sprints up and
down the bathroom walls and ...
have sex.
I mean, what could they possi
bly be saying to each other?
“Oooh baby, your shell is so
hard.”
“Wow, do those legs go all the
way up?”
“Hey, watch those feelers, roach
boy.”
“Let’s get out of this cheap
roach motel and go back to my
place.”
“No way. You’ve six wives and
8,000 larvae who might see us.
Paula Lavlgne
“I’ve a bad history with
roaches, which starts
with my general
loathing for them. ”
Beside, J’m sick of fries.”
It scares me to think that roaches
could actually be enjoying this. It
scared me so much, it took-about
three days for me to get over it.
I’ve a bad history with roaches,
which starts with my general
loathing for them.
When in high school , my
“friends” decided I’d be a good
candidate for an evil trick.
One of the conspirators offered
me a dollar to get a pop from the .
machine in the girls’ locker room. I
eyed her suspiciously, but wasn’t
the type to pass up free money.
I took the dollar, fed it to the
machine, selected diet Pepsi, and •
down clunked my change. I
retrieved my pop — failing to
notice the congregation snickering
behind me — and reached for my
change.
For $1,1 got a can of pop, 50
cents and a disemboweled cock
roach.
This pales in comparison to
scenario two.
I fell asleep on my bedroom’
floor. I woke up and felt something
on my head. I groggily reached up
to brush it off and felt two cock
roaches. They ran, I screamed, the
rest is just a blur.
This was after I saw the jumbo,
cockroach exhibit at the Henry !>
Doorly Zoo. Jumbo — the size of
large mice.
So I have a personal vendetta
against cockroaches.
Funny thing, though: I heard
that even though they live in filth
and slime, if touched by a human,
roaches will run off and clean
themselves.
But getting back to sex.
I know parents use the birds and
the bees (cockroach cousins) to
explain sex to their children. And
I’ve seen the humping-rhino nature
videos. But the cockroach couple
struck a chord in me.
I let Romeo and Juliet (and the
jester) live, and am probably to
blame for'that cockroach in your
bookbag.
And the very next night I had a
dream about this really nasty Super
Jumbo Roach.
The Super Jumbo Roach was
trying to pry my kitchen window
open. I shoved a piece of wood at
, him and crushed him. The Super
Jumbo Roach fell out of his shell
and to the street below.
I saw two real roaches in the
basement again today. I’m not sure
they were Ivana and Hugh, but one
gave me a friendly wave with his
feeler. (Maybe he was just sick, or
something).
I don’t know if I’m ready for a
friendship. Commitment scares me,
especially with a cockroach. I think
I’ll keep it simple by setting up a
roach motel here and there.
In the meantime, I’m waiting for
a birth announcement.
Lavlgne Is a Junior news-editorial maj or
andw Dally Nebraskan cotamnlst
...to the
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