Commentary
Thursday, August 24,1995 Page 5
Cheese oozing from radio job
“It ain’t easy being cheesy.”
Sure, Chester Cheetah said it
first. But I doubt that neither he nor
his ad execs realized that the
implications go way beyond a
crunchy cheese puff.
Being a disc jockey requires an
element of cheese. You’ve got to
be friendly, funny and personable.
And for the past two years or so
I’ve worked as a DJ, top-40 to
alternative music. And it’s a
fabulous job — sit on your butt,
push buttons, talk every few
minutes, get free music, free T
shirts and free concert tickets.
But it’s not the Perfect Job. It
could be if it weren’t for the
occasional touchy situation.
There are two variations of the
game: the “pervert” and the “best
friend.”
Perversity has its time and place.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think it
belongs in a conversation between
two strangers. Especially when I’m
one of the strangers!
l ve had propositions involving
a heart-shaped jacuzzi, “lewd” acts
and breakfast. Omelet anyone?
Um, no thanks.
It’s touchy turning people down.
The irony is we’re, as DJs, paid to
be nice to these people — so we
have to do it tactfully. That ain’t
easy.
The perverts are egged on by
any suggestion of sexuality. When I
worked the graveyard shift, the
jock (short for disc jockey) on the
shift before mine loved to use
descriptions to introduce me.
He frequently had me in leather
minis, high heels and halter tops. I
found it very humorous since my
normal uniform consisted of sweat
shorts, a T-shirt and tennis shoes.
The “best friend” scenario
follows this general plan.
You and a listener get to be
good friends over the phone. The
Jessica Kennedy
'‘I’ve had propositions
involving a heart
shapedjacuzzi, ‘leivd’
acts and breakfast.
Omelet anyone?”
DJ enjoys the conversation because
it helps the time go faster and
keeps her awake.
The listener enjoys the conver
sation because he is lonely or
doesn’t have friends or anyone to
talk to — because of a certain
Limburger odor?
I like cheese as much as the next
guy, but this just doesn’t cut it.
Then the bomb drops. BOOM!
The chummy listener suggests that
the two of you hang out sometime.
What proceeds is up to the DJ’s
discretion.
I belong to the “stay the hell
away from me” school of thought.
I don’t, as a rule, pick up guys at
bars or parties, and I don’t pick up
friends to hang out with over the
phone.
It doesn’t mean I don’t like the
caller’s company. Obviously I do.
After all, I’ve spent a significant
amount of time talking to him on
the phone. But my private life is
just that — private.
Listeners are attracted to a
cheesy “personality.” But so are
rats.
A radio personality is a devel
oped group of traits that sound
desirable on the air — i.e. you
sound cool and as if you know what
you’re doing.
But this may, or may not, be a
good representation of who the DJ
really is.
For me, it’s only a small part of
who I really am.
While I’m on the air. I’m more
likely to be funny and light of
heart. And always very quick to
laugh at myself.
In general. I’m a cheeseball.
Hey, it’s not like I’m not funny
in my day-to-day private life. I am.
Just not as consistently as I am on
the air.
I also have my grumpy, stressed
out, bad days.
So next time you turn on the
radio or call up a DJ, remember:
We have lives beyond our jobs.
We have bad hair days, and we
fight with our friends. Hell, we
may even be totally unpleasant
people to work with at times. It’s
not unheard of.
I love being a DJ, and I love my
listeners. But there is an occasional
fan who goes too far.
If you have a tendency to be that
person, please don’t get offended if
I am hesitant, don’t know what to
say or just say no.
DJ-ing is a job. Just like work
ing at Jiffy Lube.
But you probably wouldn’t ask
the Jiffy Lube guy to come hang
out in a heart-shaped jacuzzi after a
five-minute conversation, would
you?
It really ain’t easy being cheesy.
Kennedy Is a Junior broadcasting and
pa bile relations major and aDally Nebraskan
columnist
Need a loan? Don’t bank on it
Before you rush off to deposit
your recent student loan check,
remember the immortal words of a
famous man from long ago: “Banks
are Satan.”
These three words, if recited
daily, can change your life forever.
I should know. Three short years
ago, I was a freshman at this
university.
Amazed at the differences
between my one-bank town and
Lincoln, I eagerly placed all of my
seven dollars into the closest bank.
I had never even seen an
Automatic Teller Machine (ATM)
before I came to Nebraska.
Usually, whenever I needed
money, I would borrow it on my
name or wait until the Democrats
had seized the presidency and then
ask them for it.
I wasn’t very fond of ATMs
because every time I attempted to
use one, I was behind the guy who,
hourly, was trying to refinance his
car loan through it.
The good thing about ATMs is
that they have eliminated my need
to keep a balanced checkbook.
Checks now can be written at my
leisure, and if I ever have a balance
inquiry, I simply withdraw some
money.
My negative balance, along with
medium to large amounts of
profanity, is printed clearly on the
bottom of my receipt.
Be careful when you withdraw
money, however, because the banks
stop at nothing to make sure it’s
accounted for.
There are two things in this
world that never should be argued
with:
1. Naked New Yorkers holding
hammers, and
2. Banks.
Judge Lance Ito has it easy. If he
wants a real challenge, he should
try to settle a financial dispute
between me and any number of
Steve Willey
‘“Hello Mr. Bank man, ’ I
sighed. 7 was
considering failing
chemistry again this
year but am short on
funds.
Lincoln bank tellers.
“ONE THOUSAND!”
“ONE DOLLAR!”
This argument seemingly goes
on forever with no clear-cut victor
except the banks.
Banks especially love college
students, because college students
get college loans. And when
college students get college loans,
they tend to spend the money
entirely in a couple of hours.
This was the case with me.
When I got my first student
loan, it was the only time in my life
that I had more than one digit in
front of the decimal.
I immediately set aside 20 '
dollars for tuition and mailed the
rest to UNL parking services.
Banks, being the nefarious
demons that they are, realize they
have to get their cut of the money
before it gets in the students’
hands.
That’s what all those fees are cm
the top of your loan check stub.
Ever wondered what a Guarantee or
Origination fee was?
They never mentioned these fees
when I applied for the loan. I
remember the conversation dis
tinctly.
“Hello Mr. Bank man,” I sighed.
“I was considering failing chemis
try again this year, but am short on
hinds.”
“Steve ” he said as he placed a
manicured hand on my dusty
shoulder. “We’d be glad to help.
Every time we see you crawl up
those stairs, this entire bank knows
that our jobs are guaranteed for at
least another year.”
i never even tnougnt to cnarge
them a guarantee fee.
I’m also convinced that banks
own and operate every computer
system in the world. They devel
oped the Internet to keep us
occupied with computer pom while
they sucked the money from our
accounts.
Even your trusted computer at
home is tapped into a central bank
computer somewhere in your
banker’s basement.
It has to be true. Every time I
contest a $20 withdrawal, they
produce gallons of computer paper
that emphatically state that I aid
indeed withdraw money on the
evening in question.
It even told me the location of
the strip club at which I made my*
withdrawal.
Despite what I thought was an
effective display of verbal arrange
ments, “No I didn’t” held less
weight than I initially planned.
Currently, I am bankless and
ATMless, and plan on remaining so
until all the banks of the world
undergo a religious awakening —
or until next semester’s loan check.
Willey b a Julor ag-Joarnalbm major
aad a Dally Nebraskan colnmabt
...doomed
:
bH 11!
: p
1994
The following editorial ran in the DN on Aug. 25,1994. Does any of
this sound the least bit familiar, or is it just me? — ED
Housing nightmare
cramps new students
Two years ago, it would have been a dream come true for
university housing officials. Now it’s more like a nightmare.
It seems no room is left in the inn for University of Nebraska
Lincoln freshmen. Residence halls are full, and 300 students are left
without shelter... well, almost.
Housing officials have given 186 freshmen temporary room
assignments, such as the TV lounges of Abel Residence Hall.
Staying in rooms with carpeted walls mightseem like an adventure,
but it actually could spell trouble for new students.
It is challenging enough fostering an academic environment
living on campus, but if students don’t have a room in which to
study, academic problems begin.
The first semester of classes is critical to the success of any
student Freshmen are busy buying books, finding their way around
campus and getting used to living away from home. They shouldn’t
have to worry about whether they will have a place to sleep at night.
The university doesn’t promise students they will get the classes
they request or an easy ride through university bureaucracy and red
tape, but it did promise freshmen a place to sleep.
The housing nightmare needs to be solved immediately, before
students’ academic careers are affected. In the future, adequate
room must be made for freshmen, even if that means putting a cap
on upperclass students living in other residence halls.
Room and
Bored?
or
Room, Board, and
a whole lot more...
I
This ad was part of a 1994 campaign
to bring upperclass students back to
the residence halls. It proved wildly
successful. — ED
S
BE OUR GUEST
The Daily Nebraskan will present a guest columnist each Monday.
Writers from the university and community are welcome.
Must have strong writing skills and something to say.
- Contact Mark Baldridge c/o the Daily Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska
Union, 1400 R St., Lincoln, NE 68588.
Or by phone at (402)472-1782.