Insight
Travis Heying/DN
Tim Hopkins, left, and Rollin “Rollie” Bower would like to marry but face legal restrictions against same-sex marriages.
Gay marriages face legal obstacles
By Paula Lavigne
Senior Reporter
Gina Matkin shows off her wed
ding ring — a leaf-patterned rose
stone set in a silver band. Matkin and
Randy Reinhart exchanged rings dur
ing a private wedding in the woods.
They met two years ago at a pot
luck dinner.
The couple live together. They
wash dishes together. They cook to
gether. They care for their two dogs,
Chelsea and Butch, and their aloof
cat, Eleanor.
They also think about having chil
dren — but there’s a problem.
Both are women, and while they
consider themselves married, the state
of Nebraska does not.
Same-sex marriages are not rec
ognized anywhere in the United
States. However, Hawaii is consider
ing legislation that would grant mari
tal rights to same-sex partners.
If the legislation passed, the ques
tion would then be whether same-sex
marriages in Hawaii would be recog
nized in other states. Utah and South
Dakota already have passed laws say
ing they would not recognize same
sex marriages from other states.
Most religious denominations do
not perform or acknowledge same
sex marriages, but the Rev. Charles
Stephens, a minister at the Unitarian
Church, has performed about 15 same
sex marriages in the past 10 years.
“My idea of a wedding or cer
emony such as this is this is for them,
it’s not for the rest of the world,” he
said. “It’s a commitment they want to
make in a public way.”
Some states recognize domestic
partnerships, which cover certain le
gal benefits. Companies like IBM
and Apple offer the same.
The University of Nebraska
Lincoln’s Committceon Gay and Les
bian Concerns also is investigating
whether the university can recognize
faculty domestic partnerships and of
fer medical and insurance benefits
that currently are offered to faculty
spouses.
Without legal rights, gay and les
bian couples, unlike heterosexual
couples, cannot file joint taxes, in
clude each other on insurance or medi
cal plans or be automatic benefactors
in a will.
“It denies us to have the benefits
legal spouses have,” Matkin said. “It’s
awkward when you have to fill out an
application that asks you to mark
single, married, divorced or widowed
when none of those legally apply to
me.
“I’m none of the above.”
Every legal document — from
owning a house to opening a joint
bank account — has to be specially
prepared, she said.
Reinhart said she and Matkin had
to draw up powers of attorney to make
sure they would be able to make deci
sions in case of accident or death —
the social services policy but was
killed in the Health and Human Ser
vices Commitee hearings in late Janu
ary.
Eileen Durgin-Clinchard, the re
gional director for Parents, Families
and Friends of Lesbians and Gays,
testified against the bill.
She said LB255 would “effectively
tie the hands of the professionals who
work in a day-to-day basis in their
efforts to provide the most appropri
ate foster care placements for each
individual child.”
Matkin, who works as a training
consultant for the Department of So
cial Services, said the policy was “an
other example of a little bit of igno
“It's awkivard when you have to fill out an
application that asks you to mark single, married,
divorced or widowed when none of those legally
apply to me. Vm none of the above. ”
■
GINA MATKIN
Partner in a same-sex relationship
something that would be automatic
for a legally married couple.
“It makes me frustrated, some
times angry,” Matkin said. “I don’t
sit around and think about it, but
when I run into obstacles it gets to be
a pain. We’re in a relationship that’s
as committed as heterosexual
couples.”
Beyond the legal document limi
tations, Matkin and Reinhart con
front another obstacle — adopting
children.
Mary Dean Harvey, director of
Nebraska’s Department of Social Ser
vices, created an interim policy in
January banning the placement of
foster children in homes with gay or
lesbian parents or with non-married
people living together and demand
ing the “placement of children in the
most family-like setting.”
The policy also would have been
supported by LB255, which was in
troduced bv State Sen. Kate Witek of
Omaha. The bill corresponded with
ranee mixed with fear of the un
known.”
“Ifyou observe our household, it’s
not different than a married, hetero
sexual household,” she said. “We do
dishes, garden, go on vacation.
“We’re very responsible. We’re
not criminals. The thought that some
one wouldn’t trust us with the care of
a child is ridiculous.”
***
Tim Hopkins and Rollin “Rollie”
Bower haven’t gone through a mar
riage or commitment ceremony yet,
but the two have been living together
for almost two years.
Hopkins said the fact that his ana
Bower’s marriage wouldn’t be legal
offended him and made him feel like
he was not good enough.
“Each relationship has it’s own
merits — gay, straight or whatever,”
he said.
Before he discovered his homo
sexuality at 21, Bower was married.
Bower and his wife divorced when he
was 27. They had no children, but he
said he would like to be a foster parent
some day.
“I feel I missed out on something,”
he said. “I know a lot of gay fathers
who are proud of their children.”
A child would give him a sense of
being, Bower said.
“It would give me something to
show off,” he said, laughing. “Par
ents just like to show off their kids.”
A perception exists that putting
children with homosexual foster par
ents would turn the children into gays
or lesbians, Hopkins said, but that
perception was not true.
“If you think about it, where do
gay people come from? They come
from heterosexuals,” Hopkins said.
“You can’t change a kid by letting
him grow up in a gay home.”
Homosexuality is not a learned
behavior, but children who grow up
in gay or lesbian homes may learn
another lesson — to respect other
people’s differences, he said.
Homosexuals also are stereotyped,
Bower said.
“You never see normal people like
us,” he said. “You see the drag queens,
and that’s where the perception comes
from.”
Both Bower and Hopkins said sena
tors and the public needed to be edu
cated about homosexuality.
“Some senators just show a lack of
education,” Hopkins said. “One even
asked, ‘ OK, so how do you chose to be
gay?”’
People need to open their eyes and
be more comfortable with homosexual
behavior, Hopkins said.
But this education and acceptance
should not be forced, Bower said.
Last July, when Bower and Hopkins
were in Las Vegas, they said they
were able to walk hand-in-hand with
out people staring at them.
“It felt wonderful,” Bower said.
Though they said the university
had become more tolerant of homo
sexuals, the fear of the unknown still
existed.
“At the university,” Bower said,
“you get these kids from out on the
farm saying, ‘Look at the gay people.
They’re weird.’”