UNL following crooked path
Thanksgiving is a weird holiday.
When I was younger, I didn’t
care for Thanksgiving, because I
knew this day meant a long drive in
the car to Grandma’s house for
dinner. Sure, I liked eating turkey
and pumpkin pie — who doesn’t?
But there was something depressing
about getting the whole day off
from school and having to spend it
with relatives.
Despite elementary schoolteach
ers’ efforts, I didn’t care about the
Pilgrims’ dinner with American
Indians. Halloween had passed, and
nothing could compare with
dressing up for free candy. The only
redeemable quality about Thanks
giving was that it was approxi
mately one month away from
Christmas.
Now that I’m older and in
college, I understand the true
meaning of Thanksgiving. Most of
us cherish the short time we are
able to spend with family and
friends in our hometowns. We
realize the importance of chewing
each bit of homemade turkey
carefully. Good food is hard to
come by for poor college students.
We have a lot to be thankful for.
Before I start sounding like some
trite cliche, let me stop while I'm
ahead. Yes, we have a lot to be
thankful for, but this isn't the issue
I want to address. Leave the prayers
and heartfelt smiles for the dinner
table.
We have a lot to be unthankful
for.
Of course we each have our
reasons why this is true. But I’m
sure you’re not reading my column
for my own sob story. We, as
students on this campus, have more
in common than being mutual
tuition payers. Most of us share the
same griefs about this university.
Parking Services should, for
once, live up to its name and
“serve" — that is, serve students. If
it wasn’t bad enough for Parking
If it wasn't bad enough for Parking
Services to significantly raise the
cost of parking stickers, its “meter
police"seem to be a bit too happy
with their ticket scanners.
Services to significantly raise the
cost of parking stickers, its “meter
police" seem to be a bit too happy
with their ticket scanners.
For example, my friend parked
his car in front of my residence hall
long enough to help carry in my
laundry. He couldn’t have left his
car for longer than two minutes.
When he returned, a ticket inviting
him to pay $25 to Parking Services
had been placed on his car.
It’s as if the parking police hide
in the bushes waiting for innocent,
unsuspecting students to illegally
park their cars. Once the car is
parked and the student is out of
eyesight, officers from the parking
police come out from the bushes,
their eyes dark with evil and their
lips wet with the lust of ticket
writing. Making students unhappy
is their desire.
The police in Lincoln stop
ticketing meters at about 6 or 7
p.m. Campus police, however, hunt
until 7:30 p.m. This is just long
enough to ticket students who park
for night classes.
But there is a bright spot. With
the extra money from raised ticket
prices and stickers, the University
of Ncbraska-Lincoln will build a
parking garage — but it’s not
necessarily intended for students.
This leads me to my next point.
The green space is one of the
university's prime experiments in
stupidity. When 1 ask students what
they think the main problems on
this campus are, they always say,
“Parking.”
Anyone who is aware of stu
dents’ concerns knows parking is a
problem. The chancellor of this
university should be aware of our
concerns and should try to solve
this problem. However, one day
Chancellor Graham Spanier looked
out the window of the Nebraska
Union and decided he didn’t like
looking at the parking lot. After
many ignored student protests, the
parking lot was tom out and
replaced with grass.
This isn’t even a pretty green
space. For the money spent, some
nice hills and trees could have been
added to the landscape. What we
see instead is a wired fence and a
concrete path that leads nowhere.
The path could at least be straight.
There are several crooked paths
this university takes. Decisions
always should be made for the best
interest of the students.
We can go home and relax for a
few days this Thanksgiving holiday.
We can hug our family and thank
God for our many blessings.
But with the first conspicuous
parking ticket placed on our
windshield, we will realize for
whom UNL’s administration is
thankful.
Stock is ■ junior secondary education
major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist.
Humans not meant for water
Let’s face it: Even though I’m a
great lifeguard, I can’t do the
“cggbcatcr" kick. There, I said it.
The cggbcatcr (or rotary) kick
requires unusual movement of the
legs. It makes them move in circles,
with your knee as the pivot point.
This is not what God intended.
It’s roughly the same direction that
Joe Thcisman’s knee went when his
leg was almost tom off during his
final football game. If you have
ever seen that sports highlight
footage — YEEEEOUCH!
The great magician Harry
Houdini was killed in water,
messing around with nature. He
performed an insane but incredible
escape while hanging by his feet
upside down, completely submerged
in water, shackled, chained and
sealed in a locked tank.
Although he had successfully
performed the feat several times,
folklore has it that he was experi
menting with what he called
“metamorphosis.” This concept
might have involved osmosis or the
transmutation of matter — namely
his own body. What a whacko!
To say the very least, Houdim
had no business near water. Were
he alive today and swimming at my
pool, I’d be blowing my whistle at
him constantly. Just being in the
water is unnatural enough, but this
guy takes the cake!
Every three years, a lifeguard
has to recertify with the Red Cross
by taking both written and water
tests. That means we have to prove
our lifesaving abilities. For many
guards, recertifying is just a
formality. For others, there’s just
one hitch: the “brick.’*
A nemesis to some, the “brick”
is a 10-pound monster — a solid
black block that separates the
women and men from the girls and
boys. It is used once every three
years to “simulate” the weight of a
drowning victim. No doubt many
guards truly dread this part of
testing.
The standard is to hold the brick
A swimmer always has to do some
thing that is completely agaitist
common sense. That's one of the
reasons lifeguards are so impor
tant, because humarn don't really
belong in the water. Things hap
pen.
out of the water with both hands
for one minute while treading with
your feet. It sounds simple enough,
doesn’t it?
It is, if you can do the eggbeater
kick.
When learning swimming skills,
one learns that what is natural
doesn't apply. That type of kick
requires something quite unnatural.
Holding the brick up and out of the
water can be done with other kicks
for which the legs move in a more
natural direction. You know, back
and forth, like normal. Unfortu
nately, it makes it a tad bit harder
to hold up the brick.
When learning to swim, children
learn to let their bodies do things
they ordinarily would not do. I
enjoy telling anxious parents who
are embarrassed about a child’s
poor performance: “Don’t worry
about it. Who in his right mind
would willingly put his head under
water so he couldn’t breathed
My favorite thing to say when
kids arc learning to dive — instead
of belly flop — is: “Don’t worry,
kid. Why would you want to jump
head first into something anyway?
It’s much better to land flat on your
stomach."
A swimmer always has to do
something that is completely
against common sense. That’s one
of the reasons lifeguards arc so
important, because humans don’t
really belong in the water. Things
happen.
On land the brick weighs 10
pounds. In the water it equals the
weight of a limp body in open
water. And believe me, handling
the weight of a limp body in open
water is an awesome feat.
I have a friend who tested on the
“brick” yesterday. He happens to be
one of those people who can swim,
and like me, he cannot do the
eggbeater kick. He had already
made several attempts during the
last two classes.
The brick is 1 percent physical
and 99 percent mental, 1 thought
And even though 1 swim eight to 15
miles a week year-round, I failed on
my first try!
During his previous attempts,
my friend started out well, keeping
himself well above the surface. He
used a good strong “scissor” kick.
With practice and concentration,
that will work. But swimming is
unique. There always is something
extra required. Something almost
supernatural.
1 didn’t know what to say to him
between trials. What could I say? I
told him how much trouble I had
had three years ago.
“When I first became a guard, it
took me five tries, and I swim up to
three kilometers at a time in
triathlons,” I said.
I should have told him that in
order to do it, he would need to find
a new part of himself that he didn’t
know existed — perhaps something
similar to what Houdini was
looking for.
Slunki la ■ graduate student and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist
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