New pick-up lines drop honesty
I don’t get out much these days
— or nights.
It isn’t that I don’t want to go
out, or it usually isn’t that. Al
though, lately I just haven’t been in
the mood, which is a bad sign.
With work, school and an
internship, I just don’t have a lot of
time, and I don’t have any money.
More than that, though, is the
sad fact that all of my female
friends are either married or
seriously involved with someone.
The married ones are actually
more likely to go out with me than
the involved ones. The married
ones start getting bored after a
while.
Last week I did go out — twice
as a matter of fact. On Friday, I
went with a friend who got married
in September. That’s pretty quick
for boredom to set in, but it works
fine for me.
That night was pretty unevent
ful, except that I ran into an old
friend I hadn’t seen in probably six
years. That was nice.
Wednesday night was a different
story.
Now, I know that I am old. 1
also know that I can be a bit of an
ice princess when it comes to being
picked up in a bar, but I think pick
up lines have deteriorated to an all
time low.
I danced with a guy that night.
He was a nice guy. Not all that
cute, but 1 was in the mood to
dance.
After dancing to one and a half
songs, he asked if I was going to go
home with him.
When I told him no, he said,
“So, we aren’t going to screw?”
Is this normal? Is this what it’s
like today?
I... know that / can be a bit of an ice
princess when it comes to being
picked up in a bar; but I think pick
up lines have deteriorated to an all
time low.
With the prevalence of AIDS, I
would have thought the days of
meeting in a bar, having sex and
never seeing one another again
would be gone.
I guess I was wrong about that.
But I never accept my failings
without a fight, so I headed for a
bookstore to snag a copy of the
latest book on pick-up lines.
Amazingly, there are a lot of
books on this topic. That somehow
scares me.
I chose the 1994 edition of the
Tanqueray Sterling Vodka compi
lation of 1,001 Great Pick-Up
Lines. I laughed for days.
But it also made me sad. There
were very few lines that didn’t
insinuate sex.
My favorite is: “Do you like Pop
Tarts? Good, because that’s what
we’re having for breakfast?”
“Nice dress. It would look great
on the floor next to my bed,” and
“Nice pants. Can I talk you out of
them?” aren’t bad, either.
When I say not bad, I mean they
are about as cheesy as it gets. But if
you are going to ask me to have sex
with you ten minutes after meeting
me, your best chance of getting
away with your life is to be cheesy.
One night, a guy asked me if I
wanted to go for a ride on his
motorcycle. I thought that was an
innocent enough question. Then I
looked at him. He was doing things
with his eyebrows I just can’t
describe.
If people are going to try to pick
me up, they should do it in a way I
understand. I hate that feeling of
not getting the dirty joke but
knowing I’m the subject.
I don’t condone the use of corny
pick-up lines by any stretch of the
imagination, but I think they have
their place in society.
“I seem to have lost my phone
number. Can I have yours?” is a
sweet little line that just might
work on me.
There is one line in the book I
got that is disgusting beyond belief
and yet appeals to me somehow:
“Hi, my name is Joe. Remember
that because you’ll be screaming it
later tonight.”
OK, it’s gross. I admit it. But at
least it’s better than “So we aren’t
going to screw?”
I think the old-fashioned, honest
approach is still the best; unless, of
course, honest to you means crass
and vulgar.
Then you can just keep it to
yourself.
Arthnr it a senior newt editorial major
and a Drily Nebraska cotumnist.
.L ... ......... ..... -
Kerrey ads mask envy of rival
There is a force carousing our
streets this Halloween season far
more frightening than ghosts and
goblins begging for candy. With
die election right around the
corner, the specter of class envy
has once again reared its ugly head.
And who has unleashed this wild
beast on the unsuspecting public?
Why, none other than veteran
mudslinger, incumbent Sen.
“Cosmic” Bob Kerrey.
Sen. Cosmic is pulling out all
the stops in his campaign against
his Republican (read: more quali
fied) cnallenger Jan Stoney.
In a television ad, the Kerrey
campaign refers to the $1.5 million
bonus earned by Stoney through
her work at Northwestern Bell. In
an obvious attempt to strike a nerve
with middle- and lower-class
citizens, the ad questions Stoney’s
dedication to our state by asking
which Nebraskans she’ll put first.
In a radio ad about agriculture,
the Kerrey campaign charges that
Stoney’s job with the phone
company makes her unable to
understand the harsh competition
and desperate struggle for survival
among Nebraska farmers.
In both ads, Kerrey and his
cohorts attempt to pit the middle
and lower classes against the upper
class (which Kerrey is ironically a
part of) and rural Nebraskans
against urban Nebraskans (a group
that would also include Kerrey; go
figure).
This kind of irresponsible talk
finds its roots within a frame of
poor political/economic philoso
phy. My freshman political science
professor Dr. Phil Dyer (avoid his
class!) liked to chant with nearly
cultish ecstasy, ‘‘Life is a zero sum
game, life is $ zero sum game.’’
The zero sum philosophy is one
in which any gain by an individual
must be countered with a loss by
someone else. This pits the haves
against the have-nots because the
have-nots can only gain if the
haves give something up.
Men like (Phil) Dyer and (Bob)
Kerrey may think that Horatio Alger
is a myth, but women like Jan Stoney
have proven them wrong. A product
of a lower-class, single-parent family,
Stoney overcame the odds.
Reaganomics showed that such a
philosophy need not be true. All
income groups, (Tom the poorest to
richest, experienced real income
gains during the '80s, whereas only
the top 1 percent grew under
foreign policy wonk Jimmy Carter,
according to everyone’s favorite
armored tank of truth Rush
Limbaugh. However, people like
Kerrey continue to use the zero
sum fallacy as a political ploy.
Envy, it seems, can be a power
ful motivator. Politicians like
Kerrey use it to pit one group
against another under the mis
guided notion that one group’s gain
is another’s loss.
Let’s translate the Kerrey
commercials so that we can all see
the underlying message:
“Jan Stoney has money, and you
don’t, and it’s her fault that you
don’t because she stole it from you;
so don’t vote for her.”
The entire situation is ironic
because Kerrey is certainly not
headed for the poor house, but
you’re not supposed to think about
that. Never mind that Kerrey’s
campaign is outspendine Stoney’s
2 to 1; never mind that he has
raised more than $4 million in his
re-election campaign, according to
reports filed by the candidates with
the Federal Election Commission.
Facts are an enemy to envy, and we
wouldn’t want them to get in the
way.
Men like Dyer-and Kerrey may
think that Horatio Alger is a myth,
but women like Jan Stoney have
proven them wrong. A product of a
lower-class, single-parent family,
Stoney overcame the odds.
Through hard work ami determi
nation, Stoney moved from a humble
secretary with Northwestern Bell to
chief executive officer of the com
pany.
However, if she had succumbed
to the philosophy of Kerrey and the
zero summers, she would have laid
down and given up.
“Woe is me,” she might have
cried. “The wealthy are oppressing
me; I’ll never be able to make it.
AAHHHHHHH!!!”
But she did make it. She put her
nose to the grindstone and achieved
the American Dream, and now die
has to put up with naysayers and
decadent socialists wno believe her
rightful earnings are a factor of
someone else’s loss.
I think Kerrey should put a cork
in it. Why doesn't he put that
cosmic ability to babble nonsensi
cally to good use? I’d like to see
his campaign and his political party
stand up for work ethic. When will
they start rewarding achievers,
rather than relegating them to the
category of weasels and bandits?
Despite the economic success he
has made for himself, Bob Kerrey
doesn’t seem to understand the
virtue of hard work. But I can
assure you Jan Stoney does.
Ignore the Daily Nebraskan’s
endorsement; make your vote count
next week. Vote for Jan Stoney.
Tucker Is • senior biology major ami a
Daily Nebraskan columnist
The Somuel Goldwyn Company Presents
An Expanded Entertainment Production
Featuring Academy Award Nominated Films
THE SANDMAN and
WORDS, WORDS.WORDS
Plus a Salute to the Dimensional Artistry of
Will Vinton Studio
I The 24th International Tournee Of j 1
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Friday, November 4 at 5,7 ft 9 p.m.
ft Saturday, November 5 at 1,3,5,7 ft 9 p.m. J
m
I TAPES
King of California
Blue
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TfemDm JIM Wto to ntolvSl 1.00,17.0 tip.
IP SrfcR prt to. M On to 17*.
in mm
Wednesday, November 2nd, at the Zoo Bar
Your Lincoln Homer’s (including former Pickles and Twisters) Stores:
Downtown I 6th 1637 “P” Street 474-3230 •
Downtown 14th 1339 *0" Street 434-2500 • lost 6105
“O” Street 434-2520 • Idgswood 5200 South 56th Street
420-1119 • Inst Pork Plaza 220 North 66th Street
434-2510 • Van Dorn 2711 South 48th Street 434-2530
• Nohraska Crossing 14333 South Highway 31 332-5500
