I Multilingual speakers well off
Stop me if you’ve heard this one:
What do you call someone who
speaks three languages? Trilingual.
What do you call someone who
speaks two languages? Bilingual.
What do you call someone who
speaks one language? American.
HA HA HA HA HA HA ... ha,
ha ... OK, so it’s a bad joke. It’s
worse than bad; it’s true.
Of the Americans who do speak
more than one language, a lot of
them grew up speaking something
other than English at home. Then
they had to learn English in order to
fully participate in our society.
Anyone who has taken Spanish
101 three times would agree:
Picking up a new language can be
tough.
Learning English is harder than
learning other languages, because
English has no rules. Well... there’s
“i” before “e” except after “c,” but
not after “ch”; and you say the “y”
like an “i,” but only if the “z” is
silent... Like I said, no rules. Most
of us just happen to be lucky
enough to speak English at home.
I’m no different from most
Americans. But I developed an
appreciation of other languages at
an early age.
My mother would scream
“Ouvrez le porte!” (“Open the
door*’ in French) as she hauled three
bags of groceries up the driveway at
the same time. And thanks to Maria
and Luis on “Sesame Street,’’ I
knew my Spanish numbers and
letters by the time I was in kinder
garten.
Then I took one year of French
and two years of Spanish in high
school. I learned how to make
pihatas and talk about going to the
beach — in Nebraska. Where were
Maria and Luis when I needed
them?
Sixteen credit hours of Spanish
later, I can hold a conversation in it,
To deny that ive need any language
other than English is to say that we
— as individuals and as a nation —
have chosen to ignore our diverse
heritage and the world around us.
provided that the other person
speaks slower than a vinyl 45
played at 33 rpm.
If you think passing Spanish 101
is tough, you should try learning to
speak Czech.
The good part about Czech is
that the letters are always pro
nounced the same no matter where
they appear in the word.
The bad part is actually saying
the word.
The following is an example of
the start of a conversation in Czech.
Please speak along:
1) Dobry den.
2) Jmenuju se (your name).
3) Mas rad zymrzlina?
However you just said that,
you’re wrong.
Don’t feel bad, though. I spent
six weeks in the Czech Republic,
and I still can’t pronounce
“zymrzlina.” As a result, I made all
the ice cream vendors giggle
whenever I opened my mouth.
But smiles and giggles were
good compared to the sneers and
obviously backhanded Czech
comments I got when I spoke
English. The Czech people appreci
ated the fact that 1 was at least
trying to speak their native tongue,
even though I often butchered it
badly.
Right now I’ll bet you’re
thinking: “Sure ... she went to
another country, but 1 ’m never
going to leave these United States
of America. Why should I even
bother learning another language?
We all speak English.”
When the English first landed on
North American soil, they probably
said: ‘‘Bloody heck! This looks like
a jolly good spot to have tea.” The
Spanish probably said: ‘‘Caramba.
Mire a la tierra. Que bonita!” The
Greeks said something I can’t
understand. So did the Turks, the
Chinese and the Africans. So did
the American Indians when all these
people flooded into their land.
All these groups now use English
as a common denominator. We need
a shared vocabulary to function as a
society.
We are all the descendants of
many different ethnic groups who
are here by circumstance, by force
or by choice. To deny that we need
any language other than English is
to say that we — as individuals and
as a nation — have chosen to ignore
our diverse heritage and the world
around us.
So buckle down and study that
Spanish or Czech or whatever you
choose. It could come in handy;
English isn't the only language in
the world.
And you never know when you
might need to order ice cream in
Czech.
Paulman is a senior news-editorial and
history major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist.
With no baseball, football rules
I ve noticed that my columns
have been a bit on the heavy side
the past few weeks, so I’ll relax for
a while and discuss something else.
Let’s talk football.
We’ll start with the NFL and
then hit the local college scene.
That way you’ll read the whole
column.
I suppose this could be the most
widely anticipated pro football
season of all time. Thank you, Mr.
Baseball! For the first time since
God created modern sports (75
years ago), we as fans have been
forced to salivate in anticipation for
action. Baseball died in the middle
of August, too soon for real foot
ball. Preseason is OK, but it’s tough
to get excited when you keep asking
the TV, “WHO scored that? His
name is WHAT? Where’d HE come
from?”
There is only so much LPGA
(Ladies’ Professional Golf Associa
tion) and PBA (Professional
Bowlers’ Association) and drag
racing that one sane individual can
take. Yes, I’m so sure you knew
what the LPGA and PBA were and
didn't need to be told.
So here we are. We survived the
three-week Hell between the end of
baseball (it no longer deserves to be
capitalized) and the beginning of
FOOTBALL! Never mind the fact
that we could spend more quality
time (isn’t all time made of the
same quality) with friends and
family. Or possibly even (God
forbid) do something constructive
with our lives. Screw that! FOOT
BALL! FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL!
Sorry. I’ll take the beer can out
of my mouth.
OK, some predictions. Miami
will take the AFC East away from
the Bills, but Buffalo still is in as a
wild card. Watch out for both the
Jets and the Pats to upset some
teams. And watch for the people of
Indianapolis to just get upset.
In the Central, my beloved
Bengals will win it all! And I’m
fooling no one. Last place — again.
I do like the Steelers; however,
Cleveland will be close. Houston
So here we are. We survived the
three-week Hell between the end of
baseball (it no longer deserves to be
capitalized) and the beginning of
FOOTBALL!
traded away half its club. Its
window of opportunity is gone.
After blowing a 30-point lead two
years ago, the team deserves it.
Kansas City should be able to
hold on to the top spot in the West,
but watch out for both the Raiders
and the Chargers. San Diego is
healthy again. Denver has no
defense. Seattle, as always, is a dark
horse (with a 90 percent chance of
rain).
Dallas will be back, despite the
• lack of talent at both the head coach
and owner positions. Buddy is no
head coach. Reeves is. Put New
York down as a wild card ahead of
Philadelphia. The Skins are playing
like politicians; they can’t decide
what they want to do.
Da Bearsh will win da davishion
16-0 after crushing da Packersh
376-2. Payton will come back ta
shcore terdy-five touchdownsh.
And Jordan will have 20
intershepshions and kick 81 extra
pointsh, right after he destroysh da
cheatin’ Knicks at da United
Shenter. (I’m from Chicago; I’m
allowed).
Da, er, excuse me, the 49ers will
win the West easily. Everybody else
in this division sucks. Go Rams. To
St. Louis.
So, the Chiefs will defeat the
Dolphins after Buffalo, L.A., San
Diego and Pittsburgh have been
eliminated. In the NFC, San
Francisco will outlast Dallas after
the Giants, Packers, Vikings and
Lions are ousted. (Look for Phila
delphia, N Y. Jets, Seattle and Da
Bearsh as Cinderella teams).
That’s right, kiddies, another
“Joe vs. tbe Earthquake’’ episode.
But this time, bet on the Bay. I hate
the Niners.
Now for this update: College
football will again not have a true
National Champion. Surprise! (Of
course, we won’t get into last year
and Bowden paying off the sports
writers and the Big East officials. I
guess his players supplied them
with shoes from Foot Locker.)
I have a great idea. Why not try a
radical concept called “playoffs.”
Pick eight or 16 teams and have at
it.
Anyway, the season comes down
to about five or six games, one of
them being Nl) vs. Colorado. Duh.
Plus: Penn State vs. Michigan,
Notre Dame (remember them) vs.
EHF.EHS. YEW., EHF.EHS. YEW.
vs. Miami, and finally
EHF.EHS. YEW. vs. Florida. That
last one will decide who we beat in
the Orange (read: home field
advantage for any Florida-based
team) Bowl.
Not to get off track, but isn’t it
kinda stupid to play a major bowl
game on another team’s home field?
How about the Cotton or Sugar or
even the Fiesta Bowl? I highly
doubt last year’s contest vs. Charlie
(I can’t get drafted cuz I’m really
not that good) Ward would have
been very close in, say, Lincoln,
Neb.
Seems like the NCAA spends
more time putting schools on
probation than ttying to solve real
dilemmas. Reminds me of the
government, but that’s another
column.
Justice Is ■ junior news-editorial and
broadcasting major and a Dally Nebras
kan columnist.
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