R M’S ROW ROW ELI
Student discovers parking plot I
1^ ve got a problem with parking
on this university.
(Whine, whine, whine,
where are my violins?)
Everyone at the University of Nc
braska-Lincoln has a problem with
parking.
My woes started at the end of my
freshman year when I bought my first
car. I spent most of my time thereafter
circling the lot outside my residence
hall. I never found a space there.
Usually I parked in another lot in a
galaxy far, far away, affectionately
nicknamed “rape lot.”
This year I invested in a reserved
space, so my parking hassles have
been reasonably limited. Sometimes,
I consider moving off campus, but the
thought of trying to find a parking
place every day gives me “Falling
Down” nightmares.
So I’ve never been too angry with
the parking gods at UNL — even
when they gave me a $50 ticket be
cause my parking permit fell off my
rearview mirror. I took care of it by
talking to a not-so-very-nice person in
the office who not-so-graciously low
ered my ticket to $5.
Until yesterday ... when I got a
letter from the parking people telling
me my old, expensive park ing permit
now costs twice as much. TWICE as
much. Not just a few dollars, or even
$10 more, but $150 more.
I can’t understand what on earth
could motivate a 100 percent increase,
a doubling of parking fees.
Oh, I suppose maybe I do know.
I’ve read about plans for a parking
garage and some other stuff, but I
didn’t think they meant it. And I
didn’tthink they would take my money
to help build it.
I keep waiting for someone from
the parking staff to call me wailing,
“Sike.”
I can understand an increase to pay
for paving and lighting lots. That
seems decent. If you park in the Abel/
Sandoz lot on a wet night, you must
trudge ankle-deep in the dark through
mutant gray mud that will soon cover
Don’t these parking planners
watch television? Every decent
action adventure has someone
being stalked in a parking
garage.
everything you own.
But a parking garage? I won’t use
a parking garage. Those things scare
me. Don’t these parking planners
watch television? Every decent action
adventure has someone being stalked
in a parking garage. 11 would take a lot
of those K-Mart blue-light special
phones to get me into a parking ga
rage.
I can’t believe they — the name
less university parking bad guys —
want my money, any of my money, to
build a parking garage. I refuse to.
There must be another answer. Per
haps they’re really using it to feed
starving children or to buy lots of
cocktail wienies for their meetings.
I’d sleep better tonight if that were the
case.
Besides, you can’t double prices
from one year to the next. This isn’t
post-World War I Germany. I’m
enough of a mindless consumer that a
$20 — or even a $50 — increase
probably wouldn’t have discouraged
me. But a $ 150 increase yanks me out
of my usual trance, screaming
“Whoa!”
Perhaps the parking schemers are
just being trendy.
“But Golly. Mr. Spanier, all the
other departments are raising prices.
How come the athletic department
gets to do it, huh? Huh? You love them
more, don’t you? Waaaaaa.”
Most of the other perm it prices are
going up, too, but not to the same
degree. It almost makes me think
somebody docsn ’ t wa n t anyone to h ave
a reserved stall. That somebody wants
me to walk three blocks in the dark, by
myself — or ride some stupid shuttle
bus, like I live at Worlds of Fun or
something.
Wait ‘til I tell my mom.
I’ll probably end up buying a ri
diculously over-priced permit just be
cause I know they don’t want me to.
Oh, I’m on to them now.
I’ll have to sell my vital organs on
the black market or become a chimney
sweep to afford it, but I understand the
price of spite, and I’m willing to pay
it.
All of my problems would be over
if I never left campus. Then I wouldn’t
need one of their stupid spaces, or
even a car.
My car’s been nothing but trouble
anyway. Half the time, it’s sitting in
my dad’ s garage a wai t ing repairs. (For
the record, he doesn’t charge me any
thing.)
And I don’t like driving it.
Everytime I get into that machine my
potential to do damage shoots sky
high.
If I stop paying attention for one
tiny second, to read a billboard or dig
for change in my front seat, I could
lose control and take out three or four
other cars,easy. I ’ m endangering 1 ives
every time I go to Super Saver.
This would keep me home, but I
know that when I get to Super Saver,
they have a huge parking lot and
they’ll let me park for free. Too bad
they don’t have a football team.
Rowell is i junior news-editorial, adver
tising and Knglish major and the Daily Ne
braskan Opinion Editor.
K. Ill (.IM S Sll \.\KS
Aliens are in eye of beholder
1^ ve always wondered, how dif
ferent could aliens from outei
space be if they are basical!)
humanoid in form and speak the same
languages as us? Then again, where
would the “Federation” be ifCaptair
Kirk had not been physically capable
of having sex with all of those alien
females?
Why is is it that alienson television
and in film usually speak English?
Only the most astute science fiction
bulls would be able to name the few
movies that have had non-English
speaking aliens. Aliens that don't
speak English usually die.
It seems the best filmmakers can
do to create an alien is apply latex
masks, skin blemishes and strangc
looking heads and change skin color.
I don’t consider myself an expert,
but as far as I can tell, “Dune” is the
only recent major film I can think ol
that had basically civilized non-En
glish speaking aliens.
But then again, where would we be
without Spock’s raisedeyebrow? What
would life be like without the subtle
heave of a Klingon’s chest while he’s
lying through his jagged teeth?
There are other films that have had
aliens who didn’t speak at all — the
“Alien" trilogy, for example, and “The
Brother From Another Planet.” The
implications from those films are that
if you don’t speak English, it’s kill or
be killed.
It seems to be a recurring theme
from my childhood, when Greeks and
Romans always spoke with British or
American accents. It was just like
today, when our images of foreign
beings turn out to be just like us.
Arc we so limited in our abilities to
see differences that even our fictional
alien creations have to be basically
like us?
I didn’t trust the British filmmak
ers of the ’60s who seemed deter
mined to tell us that aliens were like
us. Nor did I fall for the idea that
Greeks and Romans were British. I
believe the Western Europeans were
I
Are we so limited in our
abilities to see differences that
even our fictional alien
creations have to be basically
like us?
living in caves during Greek and Ro
man times anyway.
“What are aliens really like?” I
wondered. 1 can not with clear con
science trust Hollywood’s version of
aliens any more than I could the Ro
mans with British accents or the
American-accented Greeks.
I’ve always wanted aliens to speak
their own language. I would have
liked to see closed-captioning for the
alien-impaired, just for those of us
who didn’t believe Aliens used En
glish syntax.
I would also have liked to see aliens
who looked more alien. If you think
about it, most aliens have had two
arms, a neck, elbows and knuckles.
I mean really. How alien is it to
have eyes, ears, a nose and two feet?
What is the message we’re getting? It
sounds awfully fishy to me, that we
may be so limited in our thinking that
we can’t perceive physical differences.
If you think about it, the basic
description of most aliens is the same
as the basic human description. What
would happen if a visitor from an
other planet did not walk at all? What
if they didn’t stand or sit the way we
do?
What if aliens didn’t have arms or
could not fit through our doors or
climb stairs? Then again, are these
really alien characteristics?
Something’s wrong here.
I suddenly realized that I was go
ing loo far to escape reality. I sec
people every day who would have fit
my sickening limited view of what a
alien could be like.
Don’t we have people among us
who arc challenged by their physical
characteristics? Don ’ t we have people
among us who are thought of as differ
ent because they look different?
1 think it is insensitive to proclaim
what constitutes alien attributes. Es
pecially when I share the world with
people with those very features every
day.
I began to realize that what really
makes someone or something alien is
in me. Not “on” them.
Most of us can describe our favor
ite movie alien. Few of us could de
scribe a day in a wheelchair. Not
many of us can imagine a walk across
campus on crutches. How many of us
can describe the feeling when some
one crosses to the other side of the
street to be avoided?
I can’t know what aliens arc like.
Maybe I don’t need to know. I can’t
even deal with what’s “normal." But
I realize there are people I pass every
day who are alien to me. By experi
encing them, I can discover that what
is alien today can be familiar tomor
row.
From now on, I’ll remember that a
physical characteristic doesn’t make
someone alien. And so what if Quark
(from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”)
looks and sounds an awful lot like my
sister.
Shanks Is a graduate student and a Dally
Nebraskan columnist.
What kind of woman are you?
Q High Achiever Q Sing Along with Radio
Q Goal Oriented □ Love Music
□ Love People □ Like to Harmonize
If you answered YES to one item in each category,
have we got a deal for you!
The
Lincolnaire Chorus of Sweet Adelines International
Presents
SIX FREE MINI CHORUS/VOCAL LESSONS
Beginning Tuesday, April 19,1994
7:30pm at Vine Congregational Church-1800 Twin Ridge Road-Lincoin
This is your chance to learn Four-Part Harmony
by Karen Koch
International Music Faculty Specialist &
President, Sweet Adelines International
CALL VOICE MAIL: 434-6456
_We look forward to meeting you!
CELEBRATING
125 YEARS OF ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE
Friday, April 15, 1994, 3:30 p.m., Nebraska Coliseum
Where are they now? ...
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