R \ I Mi( )\\ Row III
Seven-letter word for slacker
Every semester about this time
I take a step back — like one
of those cute New Student
Enrollment tour guides, wearing a red
polo shirt and parading around cam
pus backwards — and I take a good
look at myself, my life, my mid-se
mester grades...
I* ve spent the first month of classes
thinking, “Oh, I can do that later when
I have plenty of time, no responsibil
ities and nothing good is on televi
sion.”
After a month of poor study habits,
I’m in the same old situation. I’ll have
to work my hiney off to pull my grades
above water.
So now I wonder — why do I do
this? I’m not questioning why I slack
off. Clearly, I slack off because I’m
inherently lazy and have no foresight.
What I’m wondering is—why am
I here? (Not here on this earth. What
do I look like, the Dalai Lama?) I’m
asking, why do I go to school?
I would think someone who paid
good money per credit hour would
want to go to class and do homework.
If I paid 150 bucks for a shirt, you can
bet your bottom dollar I’d wear it. A
lot.
So why do I pay the university to
make me do something I don’t like
doing? I never paid my mother to
make me eat beets or do the dishes.
Now, maybe I’m going too far. I do
like school. I like it a heckuva lot
better than working nine hours a day
for minimum wage. And in general,
my professors at the university have
been interesting, even wise.
I just wish they didn’t make me do
stuff. Couldn’t we just hang out and
suppose I came to college to en
sure that I wouldn’t be working in a
discount department store forever and
always. But sometimes I’m not so sure
about that, even.
cards or something?
I’d ask him (Eugene T. Maleska)
which clues he wrote first,
down or across. If coffee went
I well, we’d do lunch and I’d
share with him my favorite
three-letter synonym of
“mock.”
Oh, I’m not about to drop out and
give up those discount movie tickets.
Not a chance.
Besides, I like being the target of
moronic AT&T 1-800-COLLECT
commercials and countless failed
MTV game shows.
There’s nothing hipper in this coun
try than a college student. We’re al
ways hanging out in ultra-cool adver
tisements, shirts untucked, a bookbag
slung casually over one shoulder, com
fortably healthy in that period be
tween acne and balding. Hiking, cy
cling, buying bluejeans that express
our individuality and athletic shoes
we can “live” in.
i m noi aoout 10 give up my spot in
that scene. I’ve got a valid student ID.
I’ve got a bookbag. I read Rolling
Stone.
And perhaps I am learning some
thing here. Just the other day, in En
glish class, I had an opportunity to use
my college education.
It was one of those days the Daily
Nebraskan fascists decided to bless
this campus with a crossword puzzle.
There it was, my self-affirmation. “18
across: Dos Passos work.”
1 easily filled in the answer:
“U.S.A.,” a book I was supposed to
read a few weeks ago. And I thought
I wasn’t growing as an individual?
Pshaw.
By the time I leave this university,
I am going to be a Crackerjack cross
l. Ill (.Ill s Sll WkS
word puzzler. Maybe that’s where my
future lies. I wonder if Eugene T.
Maleska, famed crossword puzzle
editor, is nearing retirement.
I could write crossword puzzles. I
could probably even write anagrams
and word searches.
Actually, I started working at the
Daily Nebraskan in hopes that I might
someday meet Eugene T. Maleska. I
thought we could have coffee some
time.
I'd ask him which clues he wrote
first, down or across. If coffee went
well, we’d do lunch and I’d share with
him my favorite three-letter synonym
of “mock.”
He’d let me call him Eugene.
So far, no good. I’ve seen no sign of
him. He must come in and write the
puzzles late at night when everyone
else is gone, just like Santa Claus.
Maybe I should leave him cookies.
Who am I kidding? I’m sure Eu
gene T. Maleska has a college degree.
He probably got his doctorate in puz
zle studies at Harvard.
If Eugene were here, he’d probably
tell me to hit the books and stop whin
ing. He’d say, “Rainbow, do you know
a 12-letter word for lifetime unem
ployment? Would you like to?”
Rowell ii a junior newt-editorial, adver
tising and English major and the Daily Ne
braskan opinion page editor.
Harding’s fate in God’s hands
Tonya Harding should be able to
compete in the 1994 Winter
Olympics. If she is guilty of
participating in a plan to injure Nancy
Kerrigan, let God take care of it, not
the WmterOlympic Committee. Such
evil would not go unpunished.
If Harding conspired to do harm to
Kerrigan, she’ll get hers. If Harding is
guilty of evil, evil will befall her.
Let's examine what we know of
what happened to Kerrigan. She prob
ably sunered irreparable mental trau
ma, but no one can deny she will make
millions because of this. And she
should.
I’ve never heard of a psychologist
recommending money to a client to
insure recovery from mental trauma.
If I were Kerrigan, the numerous
commercial endorsements that will
follow this terrible event would not
heal me—but they would help.
In time, Kerrigan may overcome
some of the effects of being assaulted,
but will she ever fully recover? For the
rest of her life, she will probably find
herself taking extra looks over her
shoulder. She will be more cautious
with approaching strangers, perhaps
re-experiencing the attack over and
over again.
Even if Kerrigan does not live in
fear for the rest of her life, who could
deny the personal horror she felt after
it happened?
No doubt, many people expect to
benefit from Kerrigan’s injury —
maybe even Kerrigan herself. Surely,
she wasn’t involved in the initial at
tack, but if she does hope to benefit,
doesn’t that make her kind of creepy
too?
What it Kerrigan, in a moment ol
weakness, momentarily “hoped" to
capitalize, even if it meant Harding
was falsely accused? That’s kind of
mean, isn't it?
Maybe money means nothing to
Kerrigan. Who really knows? I think
she should get all she can.
Maybe she hoped for financial gain
“onlywif Harding was guilty. But why
wait/ Would you? If Harding is found
innocent, I wouldn’t expect Kerrigan
to start giving money back. I know I
wouldn't.
I don’t want to defame either wom
an. It’s not sportspersonlike to capi
talize on someone else’s misfortune.
While making Harding a villain
and Kerrigan a martyr, we’ve
forgotten all about the “human
condition" — a condition which
in many cases makes us all
say: “Me first!”
but most of us seem to be accusing
Ha ” of this.
e making Harding a villain
and Kerrigan a martyr, weYve forgot
ten all about the “human condition”
— a condition that in many cases
makes us all say: “Me first!”
Whether Harding was involved in
the attack on Kerrigan or whether
Kerrigan is secretly wishing ill on
Harding, neither is ultimately guilty
or innocent. Neither is ultimately a
martyr or a villain. Human beings are,
by nature, combinations of good and
evil. Who are we to dec ide who is more
one than the other?
We are so quick to label good and
evil. When we have two people in
opposition, we are so quick to slam
“bad” on one and “good” on the other.
Although l vc tried not to judge the
two skaters, their tale has kept me
interested. I’m waiting in anticipation
for its ultimate outcome.
The final result is in the hands of
God, but for God the situation is more
complex than whether or not Harding
did it. But I’m a simple man, and I
can't wait to see what happens.
For me, there are only two possible
scenarios. Either Harding will knock
herself out of the competition by fall*
ing, or she won’t.
The television news medium is
building us all up to see whether or not
Harding falls. Her guilt or innocence
is simply being based on that. I’ve
been watching the skaters’ everyjump
and turn.
For the past several days, televi
sion coverage has teased me with seg
ments of both Kerrigan and Harding
practicing their routines. In the teaser
clips, we only see Harding, not
Kerrigan, fall.
My guess is that, like me, the media
believe the conflict will be resolved on
the ice.
I There is no way in hell, in heaven
or on earth God would let Harding
skate better than Kerrigan if Harding
is guilty.
And if others, like me, watch those
clips of Harding falling again and
again, won’t we all be more likely to
watch more television just to see ifshe
stays on her feet?
I expect Harding to fell if she is
e, but I also expect her to fell
se of the kind of skater she is.
Not Kerrigan though. She’s too smart
to “risk” felling.
During the competition, Kerrigan
will probably alter her program if she
feels the slightest bit uneasy. She’ll do
“doubles” instead of “triples.”
Harding doesn’t impress me as
being cautious. She has usually risked
doing the more difficult jumps and
combinations at the risk of falling.
If she is guilty, all the evil in the
world could not prevent her from fall
ing. Good always wins over evil.
There is one possibility I haven’t
considered: What if God decides to let
them skate regardless of guilt?
I mean, think of it. God may not
think it’s such a big deal who beats
who at the Winter Olympic Gaines. If
she’s guilty, God may get Harding
later.
God may prevent us from follow
ing this saga. God may be concerned
more about our disgusting tendency to
revel in the misfortunes of others.
That, however, is a possibility I
don’t want to see come to fruition. I
prefer to sit and watch them skate.
There is a God. And that God will
settle this thing. I may even be lucky
enough to see God’s wrath played out
on television soon.
Shanks la a graduate itudeat and a Dally
Nebraskan columnist.
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