1
(a a
e classes did help them
eir relationship better,
s think,” Tami said,
he classes would be
couples who didn’t
as well as they did.
ere questions about
•give your spouse if he
i extra-marital affair,”
he said. It’s good
“™ to get these is
sues discussed
before marriage,
Jeff said.
The priest
pulled things out
of us that we
wouldn’t have
normally dis
cussed,” he said.
}r. Religious lead
ers from Omaha
and Lincoln who
” direct pre-marital
counseling ses
their importance in es
>lid marriage.
[ichael Chaffee of Holy
an Church in Lincoln
eling sessions used the
:h” series of tests to de
aths and growth areas
p. The program started
rs ago because of the
of marital breakups,
great success rate with
e said. “They develop
dth the clergyman so
th him now instead of
livorce lawyer three
e line.”
computer scored tests
is like “Who will take
) role in the family?
spend leisure time?”
sel comfortable being
s another?”
:e said some of the
ions may seem a little
vard.
i the gammet where
eel comfortable talk
’ he said. Tensions
couple establishes a
the minister, he said,
questions out to see
ct,” he said. “It’s like
sferee shirt and blow
sy could use this con
gether.”
some of the conflicts
an the inventory test
•uples. It raised issues
ated before,
nces differ from test
focusing on the indi
Pastor Bill Yeager of the
Westminster Presbyterian Church in
Lincoln said his conferences weren’t
as much information-based as they
were focused on how people are in
touch with their own ego needs.
Yeager said God must be a part of
the marriage. To help couples real
ize the importance of God in their
marriage, Yeager said he reads pas
sages from the Bible and discusses
what role God will play in the mar
riage.
Yeager, who presides over 35-40
weddings a year, said in marriage
people need to feel love and affirma
tion, and they can do this by under
standing themselves.
“You have to ask, ‘Can I make this
individual feel love and can I express
love?’” he said. “What every couple
wants is intimacy, more than physi
cal intimacy.”
Yeager said couples must be will
ing to give 100 percent to their rela
tionships because too many men and
women make marriage out to be a
“working arrangement.”
“You must be able to say, ‘I am
more whole and complete as a per
son because I am committed to this
person,’” Yeager said. Commitment
to faithfulness, fidelity and trust must
be discussed, he said.
“You chose this person ‘til death
do us part,” he said, “not let’s try it
and see if it works.” Yeager said no
number of tests and conferences
uses the “Foccus” test to open up dis
cussion.
“Sometimes, they’re a little sur
prised,” he said. “If a question shows
‘disagree’ it shows they’re not com
municating.”
Witt said although he was there
to lead the discussion, he made sure
the couple talked to each other.
“I make sure they are looking at
each other,” he said.
abbi Paul Drazen of
Omaha said his confer
ences were also geared to
work on communication skills
“I get them started talking about
ground rules and fighting,” he said.
“You have to have a peaceable dis
agreement.”
Drazen said he didn’t have to
marry every couple he counseled.
“Nobody has a gun to my head
saying ‘Sign this certificate,’” he
said.
Drazen said he and the couples
discussed needs and feelings and the
place of religion in life.
“People should have a common
religion and a common commit
ment,” he said. “It’s important to
grow as families grow.”
Drazen only performs marriages
between members of the Jewish
faith. He said if one member wishes
to convert, he or she should convert
for conver-sion’s sake, not for the
could guarantee
how a marriage .
would turn out.
“Nobody’s per
fect and you can’t
expect perfection,”
he said.
Yeager said he
received a positive
response from the
couples he coun
seled.
“It triggers a lot
-44
You chose this
person ‘til death do
us part, not let’s try it
and see if it works.
— Yeager
pastor at Westminster
Presbyterian Church
marriage.
- “The fiancee
can influence their
desire to convert,
though,” he said.
Judaism is the
only modem reli
gion that requires
conversion of
both parties be
fore marriage.
- For most
people, religions,
of conversation,” he said. “I sprinkle
it with personal relations. I don’t
spend a lot of time on the financial
or physical side, or how to deal with
in-laws. I focus on how I know me
and my own individual needs.”
Yeager said counseling helped
couples open up to each other to dis
cuss their needs, strengths and weak
nesses. “If you’re not willing to be
come vulnerable in love, you have
no reasons of getting married,” he
said.
Although vulnerability in love is
important, communication is also a
vital tool.
Father Paul Witt of St. Mary’s
Catholic Church in Lincoln said he
I
Looking back after the wedding,
Tami said she was happy with the
ceremony.
“A lot of people said it was the
best Catholic wedding they had ever
been to,” she said.
The Rev. Alex Wacker of St.
Andrews Lutheran Church in Lin
coln said a good percentage of
today’s marriages involved interde
nominational couples.
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