Ji s ri\ firestone
New semester with old attitude
ongratulations! You have sur
■ vived the -first week of the
spring semester here at the
University of Nebraska-Lincoln. I’d
ike to commend you for making UNL
he No. 1 state-run university in Ne
braska for the 125th straight year.
Mow, let’s make some observations
for the semester so far.
First, you’ve probably spent less
time in class this week than you have
standing in various lines. Lines for
books, drop/add cards and loan checks
are some of my favorites. I like get
ting up before the sun and waiting in
lines because it keeps me busy.
After purchasing your books, you
may have thought the Mafia some
how runs the bookstores. You’ve had
to buy books you’ll probably never
use, and you’ll get back about halfof
what you paid for them.
You may have also moved back to
a residence hall or a greek house. You
might have noticed the smell of beer
and cigarettes when you first arrived,
but now it smells like something has
died. Most likely, rotting food has
caused this smell, or it could be the
pile of dirty clothes on your floor.
Speaking of rooms, those of you
with roommates have nodoubt thought
bf at least ten ways to silently kill
Ihem in the night.
In the residence halls, you’ve prob
ably lost three or more pounds. Some
thing about the food has made you eat
ess. You’ve either skipped a meal or
lave gone out to cat.
Many of you who brought your
Super Nintendo or Genesis still have
a “video game headache.” You’ve
brobably played a rematch of the Or
ange Bowl on Bill Walsh College
Football, or maybe you’ve predicted
he outcome of the Green Bay at
Dallas playoff game with Madden
94. Maybe you’re still trying to get to
he “minus World” on Super Mario
3ros.
If you commute to campus, it’s a
iafe bet you’ve parked illegally at
east once. You’ve driven to campus.
Somehow, you decide that
watching “Beavis and Butt-head”
will be more entertaining than
(solving definite integrals or
balancing chefhical equations.
hunting for a spot within walking
distance and have finally seen one.
“Is that a parking space?” ran
through your mind. Then you saw it
was handicapped only. You wondered
cynically if there were enough hand
icapped people there to warrant so
many spaces. You gave up and decid
ed to “make your own parking space.”
On campus, you ’ re becoming more
physically fit by either walking or
bicycling great distances to and from
classes. You probably have thought
that a herd of people is following you,
because everywhere around you, you
can hear the louder and louder crunch
ing of footsteps on gravel.
While walking, you’ve no doubt
passed some of the great pieces of art
here at UNL and said: “Look! A big
surfboard,” “It’s a big red K,” “We
paid for that?” or “I coulda done that
if they gave me $200,000, too.”
Also, you’ve met lots of people
who stand outside, trying to hand you
coupons or fliers. You’ve either been
polite by taking their propaganda or
have offended them entirely by refus
ing.
Once inside class, you’ve discov
ered that it’s important to dress in
layers. While one class may be ex
tremely warm, your next class might
have a wind chill factor. One of your
classes may have lots of loud noises
because of construction or prehistoric
radiators.
One classroom may be extremely
comfortable and modem; another
makes you think that you’re in a pris
on cell. You’ve begun to question the
stability of some of the ancient build
ings and wonder if it’s okay to wear a
hard hat to class.
At your room, you’ve probably
thought a lot about doing some home
work. Somehow, you decide that
watching“Bcavis and Butt-head” will
be more entertaining than solving
definite integrals or balancing chem
ical equations.
After watching MTV, you see that
the “Ron Popeil Pasta Machine” info
mercial is coming on. You’re so
stunned by how much the machine
can make and do — it even comes
with a bagel cutter—that you forget
about your homework entirely.
You’ve also been reunited with old
friends. Some of your old friends may
not be back this semester, however.
You’ve no doubt heard interesting
stories about some of them who
flunked out last semester, because
they were either drunk or high all of
the time and/or never went to class.
Finally, you’re especially glad that
the Daily Nebraskan is back. Your
favorite parts of the paper have re
turned, namely Calvin and Hobbes,
the police report, the classified ads
and the crossword puzzle.
Well, those are all the observations
I’ve made for this semester so far.
Amazingly, they’re the same ones I
made last semester. I hope you have a
fantastic spring semester here at UNL,
the No. 1 state-run university for the
125th straight year.
Firestone is a sophomore economics ma
jor and a Daily Nebraskan columnist.
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