Tuesday, November 30, 1993 Daily Nebraskan
TV perfect government model
UT like to watch things on TV.”
[_ — “Satellite of Love” by
Lou Reed.
Politics are nice, but television
makes more sense. Television has
outdated even the idea of a single
government system.
To witness the triumph of informa
tional aesthetics over government, one
need look no further than “Tyger,
Tyger Burning Bright,” a television
show on channel 14.
“Tyger, Tyger Burning Bright”
features the god of Nebraska Marx
ism: A huge floating head named Ron
Kurtenbach. This head provides stir
ring philosophical commentary, reads
poetry and tries to convince phone
callers to join the Communist front,
Like a Leninist Max Headroom,
Kurtenbach is apre-Yeltsin thrill ride
of public access fun.
But a little socialism goes a long
way, and soon the Kurten-head be
gins to bore me. So when I grow
weary of political dialogue, I just flip
the channel and zap! Ron is replaced
by Pat Robertson, Simplemente Mar
ia or Beavis and Butthead. Commu
nism is eliminated simply by flipping
channels.
A new channel is another dimen
sion with its own rules. Try an exper
iment in cultural relativity sometime,
and flip channels between personality
icons like Kurtenbach, Robertson,
Howard Stem or Gloria Steinem and
decide which one is better. It’s impos
sible.
Each television personality has a
cyclical, functional ideology perfect
unto itself. None of the television
icons has anything to do with anyone
else; they are ideological phantoms to
each other. And maybe that’s the way
it should be.
Television proves that belief in
anything is outdated. Watch one chan
What Bill Clinton needs to do is
to divide government’s basic
programming from optional ex
tras. Roads, sanitation and may
be a military: These are the core
channels for our nation.
nel, and you’ll see a bunch of happy
democracy-loving Christians frolick
ing with each other. Watch another,
and you’ll see a group of communist
lesbians apparently just as gleeful.
Who’s better? Who cares when you
can change channels? Viva the Re
mote Control!
Those who believe television
should be federally regulated have it
backward. Government needs to be
mainstreamed into a world of televi
sion principles.
Take Hillary Rodham Clinton’s
health plan, for instance. Personally,
I don’t think it’s going to work. I think
it will be savagely abused and will
cost far more than it’s worth. And
frankly, I don’t want to pay for it.
On the other hand, I might be
willing to sample the Rodham Health
Plan through a trial subscription sim
ilar to the ones offered by HBO or the
Disney Channel. How about this: I try
the plan on a trial basis for six months
and if I like it, I’ll resubscribe and the
government can add it to my taxes.
What Bill Clinton needs to do is to
divide government’s basic program
ming from optional extras. Roads,
sanitation and maybe a mil itary: These
are the core channels for our nation.
Under the laws of television gov
ernment, you could opt for the equiv
alent of cable programming and pay a
higher fraction of taxes to the equiv
alent of cable programming: police
protection, a postal service, public
hospitals, etc. And if you really enjoy
government, you could choose a pre
mium channel service like fascism or
communism. Imagine the luxury of
being able to choose your own polit
ical shackles instead of having them
forced on you.
Wouldn’t it be nice to call your
chosen government system and say:
“The secret police just beat up my
brother, my tax bill keeps going up
and I’m sick of having my phone
tapped. Cancel my subscription to
Fascist Fun — I’m switching my tax
dollars to the Libertarian Super-Sav
er!”
Everyone’s vote would finally
count, with the heavy sway of individ
ual tax dollars.
The applications of television are
not limited to government. Televi
sion is the crux of everything. It is sex,
violence, knowledge, religion and
power. It is the finest creation of the
20th century, unrivaled by the com
puter or the Slurpee. And I am proud
to call it my friend.
“The next revolution will be tele
vised.”— MTV
Hambrecht is a sophomore news-editori
al major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist.
Life on UNL streets hits home
(had my first encounter with the
homeless men who inhabit the
Nebraska Union when one of
them walked past me a couple of
weeks ago and shouted, “Rip their
heads off!”
His screams were apparently not
aimed at me. He walked right past,
concentrating intently on whatever
world he was in. I saw no one else
around in danger of having their heads
ripped off.
1 do not know if the man is really
homeless. I can only guess that he is
from the amount of time he spends in
the warmth of the union.
But I do not know. I have not
asked.
There are a couple of other men
who have been spending a lot of time
in the union since the weather has
turned cold. They wear the same
clothes^every day.
Iseeone ofthem often. Hesits very
calmly in the Crib, wearing a brown
Ssuit and a stocking cap. He
es cigarettes and just stares into
space.
1 have never seen any expression
on his face. He wears only a calm stare
into nowhere.
The “rip their heads off!” man is
much more animated. He paces the
halls and hangs around the candy
machine. He does not stare into space,
but he seems entirely disconnected
from reality as he mutters to himself.
Working in the union every day
brings me in frequent contact with
these men. But our lives do not really
cross. We are in two completely dif
ferent worlds.
I see them every day but 1 know
nothing about them.
Does anyone?
Shouldn’t someone?
I suppose this is the point where
someone would step forward and say
that the homeless men — if they are
homeless—could work if they want
ed. There are plenty of jobs out there
if they wanted to work, they would
But I wonder how easy it is to
get a job when you have to
write on the application that
you have no permanent resi
dence and can be reached on
most days somewhere in the
Nebraska Union.
tell me.
I suppose that is true. But I wonder
how easy it is to get a job when you
have to write on the application that
you have no permanent residence and
can be reached on most days some
where in the Nebraska Union.
And more than that, I wonder what
has happened to these men to put them
in their current position. What hap
pens to make someone homeless? Ifl
didn’t have a place to live, I could
count on my family and friends for
help. Where were the people to help
these men when they took to the
streets?
Maybe they don’t want the help.
But maybe they do. It is hard to imag
ine that they wouldn’t want some
refuge from the bitter cold weather we
have been having lately.
And that raises another point. If
these men really are homeless, where
do they go when the union is closed?
Is there somewhere else they can go to
keep warm against the bitter winter
cold?
It is possible that these men aren’t
homeless. Maybe they just like spend
ing time with college students. But
even if they aren’t, there are plenty of
people in the United States who don’t
have a place to live. Plenty of people
who need to spend time in warm
buildings to keep from freezing.
They arc real, and they arc out
there. They are people whocan’t come
in from the cold like the rest of us.
We might be seeing them every
day, even if we do not know it.
I suppose now someone will have
to ask the troublesome question of
what can be done to help these men. I
don’t have the answer.
A good start might be for someone
to give a damn about them. More
shelters where they could at least get
in from the cold would probably be
helpful as well.
If we really want to help, it will
cost money. Federal programs mean
taxes. Shelters, soup lines and job
training programs aren’t free. In tight
economic times, that might be a price
people aren’t willing to pay.
Maybe the first thing we could do
is just notice the homeless. I have
walked past the men in the union
countless times this year, oblivious to
what I was seeing. Are these really
people in Lincoln who do not have a
place to live? Where do they go when
we go home to safety and warmth?
What kind of country do we live in
that lets some of its people live on the
streets?
Maybe there is nothing we can do
about homelessness. There are plenty
of people who are willing to believe
that nothing that can be done about
the problem. Some think it would be
a waste of time to try.
And if we continue to walk past the
homeless, refusing to acknowledge
they arc here, then maybe they are
right.
Fitzpatrick li a senior political science
major and the editor of the Dally Nebraskan.
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December 2-4,1993, at 8 p.m. December 4 and 5 at 3 p.m.
Call 472-2073 for tickets and 472-5803 for more information
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Join us and learn how to relax as you prepare for final exams on Tuesday,
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