Hair grows in strange places
Ihave some gray hairs.
I’m not really very old yet, but
I have gray hairs nonetheless.
Some of my friends love to point them
out; others offer to yank them.
I think this condition is contribut
ing to my obsession with hair. All
kindsofhair. My hair, my boyfriend’s
hair. Rainbow Rowell’s hair — hair
and hair alike.
Since my new fascination with hair
began, I’ve become more aware of
how strange hair really is. I don’t
mean all the bad dye jobs and sad ‘dos
out there, but the strangeness of hair
itself, especially body hair.
Haven’t you ever noticed the body
parts strangely covered with tufts of
hair?
Big toes, for example.
Why on earth do people have hair
on their big toes? I’m not saying I
have hair on my toes, of course, but I
know some people who do. It doesn’t
seem to lall out by itself, big wooly
socks don’t seem to wear it off. But it
doesn’t seem to me that big hairy toes
arc necessary to protect feet. It seems
instead that big hairy toes would only
deter one from taking off socks and
receiving the oh-so self-indulgent
pedicure.
I know it would stop me from my
year-round toenail painting.
Hair on toes serves absolutely no
purpose — I wonder why the whole
natural selection process didn’t just
evolve that hair away. You go Nair it,
Charles.
Then again, men have nipples —
and hairy ones at that — which also
serve no purpose, so maybe the natu
ral selection business isn’t a solvent
one.
But I’m talking about hair here. To
• continue: Armpits — now there’s a
crazy place for hair to grow.
Ycch. Armpits are a sweaty,smelly
place. Even without perspiration, arm
pits arc not pleasant places to be. With
that in mind, why would hair want to
grow there?
American women have been so
cialized to shave those pits, but I don’t
Yech. Armpits are a sweaty,
smelly place. Even without
perspiration, armpits are not
pleasant places to be. With that in
mind, why would hair want to
grow there?
mind. I like a smooth, cool armpit. In
fact, I think men should shave them
too. Nothing less enticing than sweaty
clumps of armpit hair, drenched with
perspiration and bits of white deodor
ant.
It would be so much easier if none
of usjiad hair there. So Nair it, fellas.
What about them hairy knuckles?
Woowhee, give me a home where the
hairy knuckles roam. Another com
pletely strange place for hair to grow.
It’s a rarity to sec hairy knuckles, but
try taking your eyes off them when
they do appear.
Of course, if everyone had hairy
knuckles, it would all make sense.
Hairy knuckles would protect fingers
from constant friction from pens and
pencils, the need for gloves would
fade away and massages could take
on a whole new meaning.
Still, I’d rather have no hair there.
Turning around, now, there’s the
oddity of back hair. Ooohh, my favor
ite. I used to think a hairy back was the
most disgusting thing that a man could
possess.
Until of course, I developed an
enormous crush on a manly bartend
er, only to discover one summer after
noon that he had hair on his shoulders.
Then I began to think of it as a rather
endearing attribute — don’t ask me
how cow eyes changed my views, but
they did.
It’s still a strange thing, that of
back hair. I prefer it on the front. Not
that I’m crazy about chest hair, it’s
just a little more common. I'mused to
it, I guess. Maybe those beastly backs
could'share some hair.
There used to be an old saying, “no
chest hair means much butt hair.’
Now there isdefinitely a strange place
for hair to appear.
Apparently though, that saying’:
just amyth. Mademoiselle magazine’:
“Anatomy of a Boyfricnd”-articlc saie
that old nasty rumor is a false one.
That’s good to know.
And that’s enough about that dcr
ricrc hair.
1 think the strangest place for han
is a terrible toss-up between ears ane
moles. It seems car hair we>uld make
cleaning difficult and make speed
and other audiblcs come through al
fuzzy.
Then again, it’s pretty strange foi
hair to be popping out of moles. Ol
course, I don’t have any hair sprout
ing forth from my moles, but some
people do.
In some cultures and religions, the
hair coming from a mole is symbolic
of something, although I’m not sure
what.
I’m not sure I want to know what
I’m just glad I don’t have hair I car
braid coming out of a small browr
spot on my face. Hmm, scare hair.
But I ’ vc never understood the prac
tice of plucking, and I don’t think I’d
ever encourage anyone to pluck.
Everyone has seen someone whe
has obviously been unhappy with their
too- heavy or too-close together eye
brows and they went plum pluck cra
zy. Now they’re bare hair.
And it looks like it must have hurt,
On that note, I’ll take my gray hairs
and run.
Stever Is a senior English and history
major, a Daily Nebraskan arts and entertain
ment senior reporter and a columnist.
Say no to politics of negativism
t the risk of buying into one of
the most trite and contrived
lines being baited around the
political arena these days, I find my
self agreeing with Vice President A1
(iorc that among the most destructive
forces in the country today arc the
politics of negativism, the politics of
fear and the politics of blame.
All right.Gorcdidn’tcxactly put it
in those terms, and the last time he
used it was for his NAFTA campaign
— but what the heck. Once a good
slogan, always a good slogan.
Ascliched as it may be, the essence
of the idea remains true. We’ve be
come a nation that thrives on group
polarization, feeds on its own insecu
rities and, more often than not, jumps
at the chance to blame others for
perceived injustices.
At the same time we arc hurtling
toward the promised land, the great
technological age of the 21 st century,
we also are putting the brakes on
social advancement and beginning to
reverse the achievements of the past.
Evolution and progress seem only to
be able to occur in science and tech
nology, while the trend in societal
issues is regression. What seemed to
be an inevitable movement toward
acceptance and coming together a
few decades back has now done a
complete turnaround.
We don’t care about righting
wrongs any more. We think every
thing is OK the way it is. We’ve
decided to reject the philosophy of an
outstretched hand, and instead we’ve
crawled back into safe, correct, self
affirming social groups.
Another way to look at it is as the
“dumbing down” of the nation. Take
a look at practically any popular news
paper, news broadcast or television
show, and what do you see? Today’s
news in full color. Factoids that shape
our life. The obligatory good-news
segment. “Important news out of the
nation’scapital, but first... isyourpet
psychic?”
Wc have diverted all of our cre
ative energies from trying to change
the problems of society to trying to
We have diverted all of our
creative energies from trying to
change the problems of society to
trying to justify the way we live
and to explain why our ways are
the best and only ways.
justify the way we live and to explain
why our ways are the best and only
ways. And to show how everyone
who dares question them is wrong.
Anything todivert attention away from
the real issues.
It is rather ironic that the two best
selling authors in the country right
now are Howard Stem and Rush
Limbaugh. When it comes down to it,
both are preaching the same things:
the belief that what “we” believe in is
right, that you don’t have to justify
your actions to any contemporary
consciences and that you don’t have
to listen to any argument from the
other side. The goal: the un-thinking
of America.
We all have a good time, now and
then, attacking the ridiculous extremes
of political correctness. What tend to
be lost as a result, unfortunately, arc
the very real issues and concerns be
neath the extremes that are struggl ing
to come to the surface. Around here,
it seems, no one can talk about racism
w i thout being slapped in the face with
a PC label. As the editorial pages of
local papers will attest, looking at the
recent arrests of the jaywalking Oma
ha Central High School students as
possible racism, whether true or not,
is just an example of those darn PCers
ac t ing up again. Those minori ty groups
arc just whining again, a few letters
actually said. Again. As if racism
were something that could, or should,
be dismissed so easily.
Feminism seems to be a common
target as well. As every good ditto
head knows, feminists are the cause of
everything from the destruction of the
traditional familv to the lossof morals
in society to global warming. The
obvious fault in this position that has
become abundantly clear is that prac
tically everything that has to do with
women’s rights is labeled feminist.
And the term feminist has been ma
nipulated to the point where it is asso
ciated with extremists who want to
take more rights and privileges than
we are willing to give.
When it comes down to it, though,
who are we to “grant” these rights and
to pretend that we are the keeperof the
sacred trust of all humanity? It’s rath
er hypocritical to say you support
some aspects of the women’s rights
movement but don’t approve of oth
ers, since an underlying theme of
women’s rights is achieving power to
make your own decisions and not
being forced to rely on the traditional
power structure to make decisions for
you. Demonizing feminism is an easy
way to justify our own attitudes and
policies and to keep at a safe, arm’s
length distance from the very real
issues it raises.
We have to start ignoring the cyn
ical, self-righteous attitudes that per
vade our culture. We have to restruc
ture our mindsets toones that actively
seek out the many problems that exist
today instead of putting on permanent
happy faces that keep us ignorant of
what is really going on. We have to
start rejecting the politics of fear and
negativism. We’re cutting ourselves
off from each other at an alarming
rate; and unless we change, we’ll end
up with problems that are too large for
anyone to overcome.
Zimmerman is a junior English major
and Daily Nebraskan columnist.
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