—-r i
Perot proves his dog can’t hunt
On the whole, I have to admit
that I was a bit disappointed
with The Great NAFTA De
bate. With so much riding on the
line, the possibility was definitely
there that some halfway-intelligent
discussion would finally come out
about the trade pact.
Granted, the two combatants were
A1 Gore and Ross Perot, two gentle
men who have mastered the fine art
of talking without saying anything;
but since the debate was in part staged
in an attempt to sway undecided
members of Congress, you would
think they would try to at least make
some kind of effort. Unfortunately, it
more resembled Mr. Rogers versus
the Grumpy Old Man than an eco
nomic discussion.
A1 Gore continues to be an in
triguing figure. For someone who is
as intelligent as he is, the vice presi
dent certainly does a good job of
hiding it. As always, he had a good
grasp of the facts Tuesday night, but
rather than translating his knowledge
into well-planned verbal attacks,
Gore chose instead to follow his old
reliable tactic of rolling his eyes at
everything that was said. I never knew
one man could sigh and shake his
head as many times in a 90-minute
period as Gore managed to do. Still,
considering that public speaking is
obviously not one of his strongest
skills, Gore did make a respectable
showing — especially when you re
member that his most recent debate
experience was against master ora
tors in their own rights, Dan Quaylc
and James Stockdale.
As for his opponent, though, I
knew it was over for Perot when the
most creative line he could muster
was, “This dog just didn’t hunt.” The
straight-talking Texas billionaire rou
tine wore thin long ago, and cute
sound bites just don’t cut it anymore.
His behavior Tuesday night made it
all the more clear that his popularity
has everything to do with what he
represents and almost nothing to do
with who he really is. The problem
As a curiosity, Perot is entertain
ing. As the spokesman for a na
tional reform movement that con
tains millions of disenfranchised
voters, he becomes a bit more
dangerous.
is, Perot tends to believe his press.
Did anyone else find it remark
able the way he continually snapped
at Gore and Larry King? Many times,
Perot stared at Gore with a look of
stunned disbelief on his face, incred
ulous that he was not able to rattle
off his anecdotes. Perot couldn’t seem
to comprehend that someone would
dare question his often-weak argu
ments or his recurring inconsisten
cies. He seemed shocked that anyone
would think that he, a billionaire busi
nessman, could have any kind of con
flict of interest when it came to for
mulating economic policy. He was
Ross Perot, for God’s sake, and how
dare you submit him to the same
treatment he reserves for his own
adversaries?
To put it mildly, Perot has this
nasty habit of slipping into delusions
of grandeur at the drop of a hat. I’m
just doing this for the people, he con
tinues to spout off. But what is “this?”
Once the election was over, there
was really no cause for him to cham
pion. He essentially had to invent
this overblown NAFTA controversy
to maintain his high level of expo
sure. As Gore pointed out in the de
bate, the vast majority of economists
support the trade agreement. And,
despite what Perot thinks, the reason
NAFTA is on the verge of being de
feated is not that everyone knows
that it is a bad deal. It is because his
staunch supporters will follow him
anywhere, and lawmakers fear the
power that he holds.
As a curiosity, Perot is entertain
ing. As the spokesman for a national
reform movement that contains mil
lions of disenfranchised voters, he
becomes a bit more dangerous. Perot
has managed to refocus the healthy
expression of voter dissatisfaction
into something that bears a closer
resemblance to a lynch mob. He has
vowed to actively seek the defeat of
any member of Congress who dares
to vote for NAFTA. This from a man
who said that if he were elected pres
ident, he would be able to eliminate
governmental gridlock in a snap. At
a time when single-issue politics arc
poisoning America, he seems to be
successful in making support for an
alternative economic theory into a
capital offense. Bush only had the
nerve to call Clinton a bozo. Perot
has all but called Clinton the anti
Christ.
As I watched Chart Boy in action
the other night, I couldn’t help but
think we would be better off without
him. His career as a foil in the presi
dential campaign was positive for the
country, but he has since worn out
his welcome. The movement he rep
resents has stagnated and been cor
rupted because of the fact he has
hung around so long.
Honeymoon’s over, folks. Perot
believed the Republican party plot
ted to ruin his daughter’s wedding
last summer. Now he believes he is
trying to be murdered by a band of
Cuban assassins. It was fun while it
lasted, but it’s time to forget this
distraction and move on to the real
issues of the day.
Zimmerman is a junior English major
and Daily Nebraskan columnist.
Cameras create Barney craze
It’s amazing what a couple of
camera crews will do to the av
erage UNL student.
The media descended upon the
Nebraska Union ballroom Wednes
day afternoon with microphones and
cameras in hand. Representatives
from KMTV, WOWT, KETV and
KOLN/KGIN were present, as were
representatives of “Hard Copy” and
various state newspapers.
All of them were there to cover
the University Program Council’s lat
est Wacky Wednesday event.
A Wacky Wednesday event —
you know the ones that bring free ice
cream and cupcakes to the crib, the
ones that last maybe an hour, with
little or no hoopla?
From out of all these news hounds,
three of those news stations’ reports
went network. That’s right, they were
going to get picked up by the nation
al networks.
That’s damn crazy — network
TV?
But I don’t think that’s as crazy as
the behavior of some of those in at
tendance.
Obviously I went. But I only went
for the Purplesaurus Rex Kool Aid,
a.k.a. Barney punch.
What I got was an eyeful of cha
os.
The ballroom was filled with more
than 200 screaming UNL students,
cheering on the bashing of the be
loved purple dinosaur. Students were
pounding Barney with rubber mal
lets, ripping his stuffing out with their
teeth.
And I’ll bet more than half of
them were only remotely familiar
with Barney before this media blitz.
Sure, we’d all seen the dinosaur, but
who cared enough to hate him?
You wouldnrt know it from the
situation Wednesday.
People were beating Bamey with
a vengeance I imagine is usually re
served for Oklahoma. I really don’t
think many would have pounded the
stuffing out of him if there hadn’t
been camera crews in such abun
dance.
There’s something crazy about
cameras. It’s like cameras trig
ger some bizarre hormone in
people, some endorphine not yet
discovered.
There s something crazy about
cameras. It’s like cameras trigger
some bizarre hormone in people,
some cndorphinc not yet discovered.
Once that film starts rolling, freakish
activity takes hold of the body and
the senses and people go completely
out of control.
One Barney basher was standing
about mild-mannered, pounding
Barney with one of those popular
rubber mallets.
That is, until the camera crews
turned their lights on him.
Then he turned into some crazy
combination of Chuck Norris and
Bruce Lee. But his foe wasn’t a drug
dealer, a gangster or even the ever
popular evil ninja. It was a little 12-,
maybe 14-inch stuffed purple dino
saur.
Tell me, isn’t that just a teensy
eensy bit on the absurd side?
I think so.
Crayons can elicit strange behav
iors as well. UPC set up a coloring
table, complete with Crayola mark
ers and crayons, and piles of pictures
of Barney.
No signs said anything about
same-color coloring only, please. No
one said stay in the lines. It was
supposed to be an artistic free-for
all, allowing students to color Barney
as they saw him, or how they thought
he truly appeared.
Some participants were dutiful in
their accurate representations of big
of Barney. He was purple, smiling
with a green belly. Others had al
tered his appearance, givingliim per
haps a more colorful coat.
But some sick attendee drew a
swastika on Barney’s belly. Barney a
Nazi? No way — this dinosaur sings
about peace, love and understanding,
not fascism, hate and The Ideal.
This is what 1 mean about crazy
behavior.
But really, the Barney bashing was
only getting warmed up. Next there
was the purple piftata. The crowd
swelled as individuals took turns bat
ting at the hanging candy-filled
piflata. Finally somebody just jumped
up and pulled the dinosaur down.
Then the crowd pounced. It was al
most frightening to see the passion
that consumed them as they headed
for the small, mutilated creature.
Things really came to a head when
Travis Fox, the event’s director, took
to the stage to introduce the face-off
between Barney and Big Bird. It was
hard to tell who was more excited,
the cameramen or the bozos trying to
get on camera.
Light flashed as cameras focused
in on the bloodthirsty crowd.
Remember, the crowd was lusting
for a battle between two completely
fictitious children’s idols. This wasn’t
an Evander Holyfield fight where
dollars were on the line.
Absolute insanity.
1 thought it was funny at first, but
it really got out of hand. UPC mem
bers said Barney Day was all in fun,
that it wasn’t to be taken seriously.
I certainly hope not, because if
the hungry media and the media-hun
gry thralls on camera were serious,
they seriously need therapy.
Stayer I* ■ tealor EagHab aad history
aiajor, a Daily Nebraska! arts aad eater
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