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Question before sex, not after
It’s Homecoming weekend. Par
ties will commence, alcohol will
flow and sex will occur. Late
tonight, after a few drinks, when you’re
alone with your latest soulmate and
the clothes are unbuttoning them
selves, remember to ask, “Have you
been exposed to any sexually trans
mitted diseases?”
People who have sex with some
one theyjust met generally don’t have
time for questions that may save their
lives. Those questions come later,
when they’re sitting in the examina
tion room, asking themselves how
they could be so stupid.
Three students a week have been
asking questions at the Health Center
and the answer has been “human
papillomavirus,” a polite term for
genital warts.
The genital warts virus has the
typical characteristics of a rampant
sexually transmitted disease, or STD.
We don’t know from where it comes.
It mutatqs faster than a roach colony.
Men are difficult to diagnose. Just
about everyone could have it, and
there’s no cure for it.
The national Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention estimate 40
percent of American women have
human papillomavirus. They would
have mentioned it back when only 10
percent of women were infected, but
they were busy trying to figure out a
way to discuss HIV. After all, HIV
can lead to AIDS, and genital warts is
mostly a nuisance, except for those
pesky strains that can lead to cancer.
Women are the barometcrof STDs
in this country because they are in
charge of reproduction. Because they
are in charge of reproduction, women
use birth control. And to get birth
control, they must have pelvic exams.
It’s not particularly attractive for
women to be identified as a measur
ing device for disease in a population,
but men suffer the disadvantage of
ignorance.
No one sits boys down in seventh
grade and tells them they have a choice
between napkins and tampons. They
It’s not particularly attractive for
women to be identified as a mea
suring device for disease in a
population, but men suffer the
disadvantage of ignorance.
spend seventh grade with some evil,
thwarted, NFL-might-have-been who
calls them sissies if they feel pain
when they are hit by sledgehammers.
Guys feel pain; they just learn not
to tell anyone. 11’ s not 1 ikely that a few
warts will bring many men into the
examination room. Xhere’s a big
chunk of socialization missing when
young men will give names to their
genitals but will not take them to the
doctor.
Doctors can diagnose and treat
genital warts, but they can’t prevent
them. The virus is primarily transmit
ted through sex, but it’s also transmit
ted in ways we have yet to discover.
It can be transmitted even if a
condom is used, although most peo
ple still aren’t using condoms. Even
when people use condoms initially,
they are likely to stop using them a
few months into a relationship. Two
years could be considered long-term
condom use. Some people get mar
ried, divorced and remarried within
two years.
Safe sex simply contradicts human
behavior. Perhaps STDs are nature’s
way of thinning out the population. At
the current replacement rate, Earth
will hold 10 billion people in less than
30 years. Ten billion is too many of
anything, especially something that
eats, drinks and poops.
Even if safe sex does contradict
human behavior, a people’s suscepti
bility to STDs is completely within
their control. Controlling one’sexpo
stire to any STD involves awareness,
self-esteem and communication.
There arc no magic ways to protect
oneself against STDs. People make
up myths to blindly rationalize their
behavior. Vitamin C, the pill, red
'meat and even condoms won’t pre
vent the transmission of STDs.
Sexually inexperienced people
need to be aware of the possibility of
sex. Heavy petting can turn into sex
before you realize what’s happening,
especially if you’ve been drinking.
Don’t depend on your friends to take
care of you. You take care of you. Sex
is far better when you’re mentally
prepared for it.»Sex that “just hap
pens” can be disappointing in more
ways than one.
Self-esteem plays a role in pre
venting the transmission of STDs.
People who care about themselves
don’t risk exposure. They get to know
someone well enough to discuss sex
before they have sex. Anyone who is
embarrassed or offended by the sub- .
ject of STDs shouldn’t be having sex.
Sex in the 1990s isn’t easy, and it’s
not going to get any easier. The reason
we don’t talk about sex now is be
cause no generation has had to do it
before. No one’s life depended on it.
Assume that everyone has been
exposed. After all, there are ways to
be exposed to genital warts that don’t
involve sex. You can ask your partner
now, or you can ask your doctor later.
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Red scare hits football illiterate
Isee red.
I’m not bleeding, so football
season must be here.
Unlike most Nebraskans, I wasn’t
bom with football season built in to
my biological clock. I don’t know that
it’s here until it falls on me like a
larger-than-life, paper-mache Harry
Husker.
Or is it Herbie Husker?
Laugh if you like—I’m used to the
persecution that comes with being
football illiterate in this state.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m here.
Is it just a cruel trick played by fate or
was there some mix-up at birth? I
have a hunch that somewhere in
Lapland, a 20-year-old girl wearing a
funny hat sits atop a reindeer scream
ing/Go Bia Red!”
I have nothing against Husker foot
ball; I just don’t understand it. And
oh, have I tried. Year after year, I sit
far too close to the television and
suffer through endless beer commer
cials trying to make sense of the mad
ness. Sometimes I even figure out
which team to root for.
I’m a reasonably bright person, so
I should be able to figure this out.
None of the other sports boggle me. I
even like to watch soccer and hockey.
But not football.
I feel especially alienated now that
I’m living my life here in the eye of
the Husker hurricane. Friends and
family assume that because I’m a
UNL student, I’m close friends with
the entire team.
“Tell me,” my best friend’s 6-year
old qpcond cousin asks, “is Calvin
Jones kind to small animals?”
My third grade teacher wants to
know what Tommy Frazier eats for
breakfast, and my grandmother can’t
stop asking, “What’s that cute Troy
Branch REALLY like?”
Hear me now — I know only one
football player. I went to high school
with Clinton Childs, and I say hi to
him once or twice a semester if I see
him on campus.
I feel especially alienated now
that I’m living my life here in the
eye of the Husker hurricane.
Friends and family assume that
because I’m a UNL student, I’m
close friends with theentire team.
The only other person involved
with the football program that I could
recognize is Tom Osborne. Tom
Osborne has been featured in every
confusing Nebraska game I’ve ever
watched.
Because 1 recognize him, he’s my
favorite part of the game. When ev
eryone else is ahootin’ andahollerin’,
I sit and wonder if the university is
paying him enough. He seemato have
taken a telemarketing job on the side-i
— I suspect with Time-Life Books.
Every game, you can see Mr.
Osborne wearing his headset, proba
bly taking orders for the Civil War
series.
“Order now and get a free red polo
shirt iust like mine.”
Why else would he be wearing that
headset? Who is he talking to? Other
coaches, you say? Bah.
You know as well as 1 do how
important Mr. Osborne is. I’d guess
that he’s better recognized in this
state than the governor. Sure, Gov.
Nelson was great in “The Breakfast
Club” and “St. Elmo’s Fire,” but he
hasn’t received much attention since
he broke up with Debra Winger.
Mr. Osborne, on the other hand,
shows up in the newspaper or on
television nearly every day of the
year. A man of such importance isn’t
just talking to other coaches.
He’8 probably landing space shut
tles for NASA.
“Bring her down gently, Jimmy.
That’s right. Now hit the showers.”
Or maybe he’s recording an album
with Dionne Warwick & Friends.
“Keep smilin’, keep shinin’....”
Ah well. I don’t think I’ll ever
figure out football, but I don’t mind.
I can use all my football energy to find
a cure for cancer.
And noone has to know that I’m an
ignoramus, no oik who isn’t reading
this anyway. I learned long ago to
shroud my weakness. Nancy Drew
' and the Hardy Boys would never guess
that football boggles me.
My secret is this—when I’m at or
watching a game, I make lots of noise.
I scream and shout during every play.
But I don’t make just any noise. I try
to make sounds that can’t be interpret
ed as either good or bad. “Ooooo
whoa-heeeee-yoyoyoyyo!”
I also pay close attention to my
surroundings and repeat anything and
everything I hear.
“You know what we need to be
doing. We need to be throwing the
ball. And catching it. And kicking it.
We need to be getting it into the air
and back inour hands. And we need to
be throwing it.”
But maybe this isn’t something I
should hide. There’s no shame in my
plight. As of today, football illiteracy
is not a crime in this state.
Well... it’s not a felony anyway.
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kaa columaiat.
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