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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 24, 1993)
Bein’ green ain’t easy at UNL All right, I’ll get this out of the way right now—I’m not very artsy. I like art. I don’t object to art. I’ve even been seen hanging around a museum or two with my eyes glazed over, clutching my chin and sinking deep into thought. And sometimes, I’m not even think ing, “What the heck...” As much as I adore art, modern art flies over my head like Wonder Wom an’s invisible jet. I know it’s up there; I can see the whole Justice League hanging out and I can see the dotted lines, but I can’t figure it out. I can’t quite reach it. I’m not proud. I’d like to appreci ate modem art. I try really hard. It’s disheartening to think that such laud ed and talked-about stuff should com pletely baffle me. I try to hide my modem art illiter acy. When in the presence of my high falutin’, away-at-prestigious-art school friends, I try to look affected by Picasso and Mondrian. I tollow their lead and oooh and “ahh” in all the right places, like someone who laughs at a dirty joke she doesn't get, just so no one thinks she’s a prude. So last year when the campus was caught in the uproar surrounding “Greenpoint” — the infamous hunk o’ metal between Andrews and Burnett halls — I was quiet. I listened to the natives roar. “It’s hideous.” “It’s a waste of money.” “What moron picked that out?” But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want people to think I had less culture than stale yogurt. I kept my mouth shut until I was finally alone with Greenpoint. And then, when all of its defenders and critics were faraway, I looked it square in its rusty side and said, “Blech. You are ugly. Later, “Greenpoint” became a safe ty issue for me. It seemed an ideal place for would-be criminals to hang out. There exists no way to see if someone is lurking within the sculp ture. I knew that one day, I’d be walking by and some ne’er-do-well When choosing art or sculpture in the future, the folks in charge should give us art we can actively partake in. Maybe a giant “Where’s Waldo” mural on the side of Hamilton Hall or even a great big swingset. would jump out and victimize me before you could say “aesthetically displeasing.” I haven’t thought much about “Greenpoint” this year. Maybe the controversy that was “Greenpoint” last year has mutated into the green-space scandal that en gulfs us now. Something about the word green really pushes buttons on this campus. Maybe if they called it puce space, everybody would say, “Wow. Great idea.” I like green space, in theory. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again — nothing beats a park, especially if it has a swingsct. But I also sympathize with all those whiners and complain ers who don’t want to walk far from their parking space. I had a parking space once. It was very far away and I didn’t enjoy the long walk. I was so afraid I’d lose my spot and never find another one that I left my car there and walked home. That was a few weeks ago. Maybe I should go check on Lady V, make sure she still has all her hubcaps and check her tire pressure. Maybe we could make everyone happy by only allowing green cars to park in the lot. I suppose walking from a remote parking space could be dangerous, too. But frankly, walking ANY dis tance alone at night is far less than safe, and complaining about the park ing lot just distracts us from the real campus safety issue—which, forme, will always be “Greenpoint.” Ah, back to “Greenpoint.” # Yesterday my friend Dan almost made me change my mind about “Greenpoint.” Oh, I still think it’s darn ugly and all that, but maybe it isn’t completely useless. Dan has discovered that “Greenpoint” is an excellent place to play the didgeridoo — his musical instrument of choice. Like so many other young men bogged down by puberty, Dan took up the guitar in high school. Apparently he now thinks there’s just too much competition for a guitar player, so he’s shifted his attention to the afore mentioned aboriginal instrument. Dan tells me that the didgeridoo, a long hollow tube, originated in Aus tralia and has pretty hefty phallic as sociations. Yesterday at high noon, Dan played his didgeridoo in the middle of “Greenpoint” to a crowd of me, a few passers-by and his girlfriend. He’s impressed with the acoustics of “Greenpoint.” The didgeridoo, in ' my experience, sounds a lot like a psychedelic moose. “Greenpoint” enhances its sound and makes it sound like a much bigger, much spacier moose. 1 think Dan's hit on something here. 1 like the idea of interactive art. People like audience participation. Look at the success of the “Hokey Pokey” and that “Hip Hop Hooray” song. When choosing art or sculpture in the future, the folks in charge should give us art we can actively partake in. Maybe a giant “Where’s Waldo” mural on the side of Hamilton Hall or even a great big swingset. A really artsy swingset. Jg. 1 V Rowell Is a aews-edMorlal, advertisiag aad English major aad a Daily Nebraska! colu maiit. Squirrels just wanna have fun i hrggmph,” I mumbled to myself, “so this is grass.” I sat up, partially disen tangling myself from my bicycle. Then I spied the squirrel and counted my self lucky. I scrambled over to its motionless little body. I seized it in my hands and quickly performed the Heimlich maneuver. I heard a faint, yet distinctive crunching. “Oops,” I said. I put the furry casu alty in my pocket and pedaled stiffly home. That made six for this week. The next morning, after chasing six squirrels from mybathtub, I began to feel a bit troubled. Where were they all coming from? There is no Pharaoh in Lincoln, so I ruled out a heaven induced plague. I decided to put my $174 “student fee” dollars to work and ask a certified University of Ne braska smart ypants. Dr. Lynch is a professor of biolo gy. He was surprisingly receptive to my squirrel concerns. He informed me that it was a lack of predation that was causing the squirrel population boom. A housecat would find a squir rel to be easy pickins, but many cats are kept indoors for their entire lives. When I asked if soon my neighbor hood rodents would grow larger than their only serious predator, the mighty Buick, he did not laugh at my anti quated Lamarckian ideas. Apparently it is not the burliness of the squirrel that ensures survival, but the hastiness.'It would be dam near impossible for a species of automo bile-immune squirrels to come into existence. Their diet would have to differ drastically from thatofthesauir rels currently on the market, and the population would be far more sparse. Artificial selection is entirely an other matter. It would be possible for I shuddered as I thought of Earth in the 24th century, swarming with chubby golf players talking on cellular phones. We’ll be sitting ducks when the Klingons invade. -1 human scientists to engineer geneti cally the giant squirrel, in the spirit of such atrocities as the Pekinese and the seedless tomato. I, for one, would hardly be sur prised if the brewers of America, the same fiends responsible for the criminalization of marijuana, decid ed to let loose the giant squirrel on the unsuspecting citizens of our fair city. Or Exxon could be responsible. Exxon, a place where the diabolical and inex plicable are company policy. Thus, deeply engaged in thought, I barreled home from Dr. Lynch’s of fice. The nex{ thing 1 knew, I was once again face down in the grass. A guy was yelling, seemingly angry that I had nailed him with my bicycle. I rolled over and gasped. “Stop,drop, and roll!” I yelled. He was all pink and doughy. In a fit of dementia he, or someone else, had dressed him in a dark, neatly pressed suit. He obviously needed some help. He only glared scornfully at me and wiped on his polyester/wool blend trousers. I watched him walk off and realized in horror that he was joining an entire landscape of Brooks Broth ers cellulite. More than half of the casual downtown strollers were ... BUSINESSMEN. Where were they all coming from? I thought back to what Dr. Lynch had told me of Darwin's thrones. If there is some feature that certain members of a population possess that makes them more attractive to the opposing gender, that trait will become more common as these members get more action. An example would be colorful pi umage or an enlarged wallet. I shud dered as I thought of earth in the 24th century, swarming with chubby golf Klingons invade. Gosh, maybe Exxon is right. If businessmen had to battle fierce giant squirrels on their ways to work, per haps it would make them stronger. Perhaps men would once again be come fighters and hunters, animal blood spurting onto their bare, hairy chests. Someday I could have a mate who drags me by my head into our suburban four-bedroom house to do his bidding. This time the conspira tors were one step ahead of us. Men’s survival instinct has been reduced to applying for college and wearing co logne . This was truly a coup de Perrier, I marveled. Petatrop li a top So no re EagUib major and a Dally Nebraakaa colunalit. THE WHY HONE 583iss • New Arkansas Crystals • 31 scents - bulk incense • New Age and World music — Crystal & Gem Awareness workshop tomorrow) 3231 S. 13th In the Indian Village Shopping Center 421-1701 Hours M-F:10-7 Sai:10-6 Sun:l2-5 "SINCE 1986 YOJUR FIRST CHOICE FOR INTERESTING MUSIC <C BOOKS" “ACHINGLY FUNNY...A MOVIE FULL OF EXUBERANCE.” I - Vlncaat Cantoy. THE NEW YOfKTNWt_ University Program Council International Film Series Sunday, Sept. 26,1993 at 3,5,7,9 P.M. in the Ross Theater, Shelt on Gallery. Students $3, non-Students, $5 For more info, call: 472-8146 KULLIINCj rock REG-LIGHT $11" $329 WARM CASE COLD 6 PACK IBUDWEISER REG-LIGHT-DRY <LC99 12 PACK WARM OR COLD KEYSTONE LIGHT "TALL BOYS" $9" $338 I WARM CASE COLD 6 PACK, 16 OZfl MICHELOB REG-LIGHT-DARK-DRY $1249 $347 WARM CASE COLD 6 PACK 0 - - - 1 - ■ ~ Fet Connection j '. 17th A Van'Pom *5• OF FCOUPON^ ANY SALTWATER FISH (Excluding sale items, and special orders) Expires 9/31/93 The Pet Connection: 17th & Van Dorn " " " "buyone freshwater FISH, GET ONE FREE! ($5.00 value or less, excludes fish already on special) Expires 9/31/93 JThe Pet Connection: 17th & Van Dori^ AQUARIUM SALE 75 gal. tank, top & light $249 55 gal. tank, top & light $99 29 gal. tank, top & light $59 15% off accessories with tank purchase. Whisper Power Filters | Whisper I (iso gph) $25.99 (reg. Whisper II (200 gph) $31.99 (r*g. $41.9s> Sale Ends 9/31/93 The Pet Connection 17th & Van Porn423-2431