Opinion Nebraskan Thursday, Saptamhar 2,1993 Nebraskan Editorial Board University of Nebraska-Lincoln Jeremy Fitzpatrick.. Kathy Steinauer.... Wendy Mott....... Todd Cooper. Chris Hopfensperger Kim Spurlock. Kiley Timperley.... . . . Editor, 472-1766 Opinion Page Editor .. . Managing Editor .Sports Editor ... .Copy Desk Chief .Sower Editor Senior Photographer I Dl I nl1 l< \ Staff editorials represent the official policy of the Fall 1993 Daily Nebraskan. Policy is set by the Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board. Editorials do not necessarily reflect the views of the university, its employees, the students or the NU Board of Regents. Editorial columns represent the opinion of the author. The regents publish the Daily Nebraskan. They establish the UNL Publications Board to supervise the daily production of the paper. 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Submit material to the Daily Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska Union, 1400 R St., Lincoln, Neb. 68388-0448. -^ ' NtfROtt ^WCOK 40MRMWie>o3 \ \ \ I S II NIK ‘Beer gut’ not worth bragging about A story in yesterday’s Daily Ne braskan said that despite UNL’s dry campus status, someone had been walking around the university with “a very obvious beer gut.” The reporter was talking about the recent onslaught of vandal ism here— ‘beer gut” graffiti is everywhere. The perpetrator has spray painted, stenciled and freehanded the phrase on stop signs and buildings, trash cans and UNL sculptures. So now the question of the day is: te Mtteer guVriilHil <# Or, more importantly, “Why is beer gut?” The vandal’s identity remains a mystery, as do his motives. I know I’m being sexist by assum ing the vandal is a male. But society pushes men to puff out their chests in relation to the amount of alcohol they can consume, so my assumption is based entirely upon my socialization. Speculations regarding the van dal’s identity have run rampant in my rumor-filled head. When I first saw the graffiti, I was driving west on Vine Street. I spotted the colorful words on the concrete barricades outside the Sigma Alpha Mu house. My first assumption was that some drunk fraternity boy had done a phys ical appraisal and tried to purge him self of his shame. But then I thought the vandal could be boys from rival houses poking fur at heavy drinkers on the other side oi fraternity row. But I quickly dismissed that because they had so many othei things to poke fun at. Then I thought he was perhaps some older, blue-collar, working-class Joe who wanted to show those damn college kids that he was proud of who he was. But now 1 have to wonder. Isn’t “beer gut” an odd choice foi a self-proclaiming moniker? If I were to paint my nickname everywhere, I would choose some thing self-congratulatory or egotisti cal. Something like “buns of steel.’’ It’s so American. What other culture could so succinctly sum up an entire drinking pastime? What other culture celebrates the consumption of hops and barley? That way no one would ever tie the name to me. The closest I’ve ever come to buns of steel was a trip to the exercise section of Blockbuster Vid eo. One of my friends suggested he would call himself‘slender thighs” or “sinewy shoulders.” But to proclaim yourself the proud owner of a “beer gut” is insane. Or worthy of a stint on Sally Jessy. “And today’s show features peo ple that say ‘I have a beer gut and I’m proud of it.’” But maybe it is a real statement of pride. The vandal could appear on Geraldo, soliciting others of his kind with the slogan “Beer guts of America Unite!” It would be a call to armchairs. “I drink, therefore I am.” Or if the vandal is a woman, “I am beer gut, hear me hurl.” I’m not a fan of graffiti, but not because it’s illegal. My objection comes from the presentation of graf fiti. Usually it’s sloppy, means noth ing and cannot be deciphered. Usual ly it’s done by teen-agers with noth ing better to do and even less to say. But this beer gut guy takes graffiti to a new level. It’s dearly inscribed, it’s colorful and it makes a statement. It's so American. What other cul ture could so succinctly sum up an entire drinking pastime? What other culture celebrates the consumption of hops and barley? No self-respecting person in Japan would spray “beer gut” everywhere. And “saki gut” just doesn’t have the same rhythmic flow. The French preferwine, so it would be “Dom Perignon gut” or “Chablis gut” If it were me, it would be “Mad Dog gut. But heavy wine drinking is associ ated more with headaches than bloat ed bellies. So it just wouldn’t be the same. Perhaps the celebrated beer gut is just following in the footsteps of the Romans — revelers and partiers of unequaled fame. As Rome was being sacked, proponents of drunken orgies probably painted the Pantheon with f‘BEERGVT.” But if beer gut is following in Roman steps, then the Empire’s end doesn’t bode well for the beer drinker. Rome wasn’t rebuilt in in a day, it’s been said. And beer gut will not re form his drinking and painting ways in a day either. He’ll stop his self-graflitinc ways, give up that Old Milwaukee for Bud Light. He’ll hit the weight machines, do crunches daily and develop a wash board stomach. He’ll go on Letterman promoting his new take on the Abdomenizer— a Thighmaster for big bellies. But until that day arrives, I guess we’ll all have to (Hit up with good ol’ gut His “artistic expression” will serve as a daily reminder that I must active ly pursue a diligent exercise regime. Maybe gut’s scribbles could in spire me to use a little self-control in my life and motivate myself. And maybe UNL’s vandal could use a little self-control and express himself in another way. Like giving up the gut. Stajfir li ■ Mater EagMsb aad Utfory porter aad a Dally Nobraikaa atit. I I I I I I