Grisly scenes may permanently scar child
This was a new one. A movie with a
prize.
I found out through some friends at
Wesleyan that “Faces of Death 4” was
playing as a midnight movie at the Mall of
the Bluffs Theaters in Council Bluffs, and
that anyone who managed to Sjay for the
entire length of the movie received some
type of “Certificate of Survival.”
I had seen the first two “Faces of Death”
movies—all of which show mondo-graphic
real-life deaths of both animals and humans.
Of those two, I could only remember the stun
line in a slaughterhouse, alligator attacks on
human idiots and beheadings.
Should I make the trip? Would I survive?
Oh, what the hell.
On my way up to the “Mall-oh-de-Bluffs”
in preparation for the movie, I was trying to
think of the grossest things I had ever
witnessed, but 1 could only come up with the
movies “Hellraiser 2,” “The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre 2” and virtually anything involving
either Mario Cuomo or Pinto hatchbacks.
The true horror of the journey awaited me
at tne theater.
The incident that changed the evening for
me completely wasn’t even part of the film,
but it was one of the most disgusting, twisted
things I have ever witnessed.
Some sorry excuse for a father brought his
10-year-old son to the movie.
At least I think he was 10, but so what if
he was 9,10 or 11? What in the hell is
someone bringing a child to a movie that’s
notorious for its graphic depictions of real
life death?
Granted, a great deal of the stuff they
show in these flicks is faked, but they make
it LOOK real, and that is what makes these
films so sickening. I don’t care how many
different “Friday The 13th” or “Nightmare
on Elm Street” movies he might have seen;
this stuff is a step beyond.
Also, this is not an age where the kid
won’t remember much. Most likely this boy
would remember every blood-filled moment
of the film.
“What’s with the kid?” I thought silently.
“Did he do something wrong or is pop just an
idiot?”
The movie started out mildly — with a
human cremation while the credits rolled by.
Unfortunately, the lump-of-a-father sat
between the kid and me, so I couldn’t see
how the child would react to what he saw.
This child witnessed boating accidents,
asphyxialions and one guy being drawn and
quartered, just to name a few grisly deaths.
A magician’s trick called “The Spikes of
Death” turned deadly, sent three moviegoers
out the door, and four more fell when the
drunk bungee jumper used too much bungee.
“Beer and blood hardly make for hearty
drink," says the narrator following the
bungee incident.
Schmuck.
For the animal lovers, we had dolphin
autopsies, maggots with the munchies and a
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pel crematorium where we gel to see Spot
and Fluffy get torched (two more empty
seats).
I’m sure that this kid has always wanted
to see what happens to a pet after it’s dead. It
doesn’t go to doggie heaven qf kitty heaven;.
your pet ends up looking like rchairco&l '*
briquette.
What really set the audience into motion
was the segment showing a Korean family
making dog stew ... using all-too-fresh
ingredients.
No anesthesia, not even a disorienting bop
on the head. She slices into the pup, amid a
few seconds of yips and yelps, and the only
sounds after that were the squishes of the
cook’s hand removing the dog’s innards.
That portion of the film caused lots of
shifting and squirming and we lost Five more
moviegoers.
The segment was absolutely grotesque,
but what disturbed me most was knowing
that this little boy would remember the
sounds of death coming from that helpless
puppy for the rest of his natural life.
The “genetically altered” leeches downed
three more “suckers” and I was wondering
how much more of this there could be.
Most of the audience sal through all 95
51 horrifying minutes of the movie, and
surprisingly, the kid did, too.
Of course, what would he do if he did
leave? Watch the carpet? Listen to the
Muzak? Wax the floors?
Finally, it was over, and the audience filed
out of the theater at the quickest pace I had
ever seen. On the way out, as promised, all
patrons that stayed the length of the show
, were given a certificate that read “I SUR
VIVED ‘FACES OF DEATH IV.”'
I felt like taking this kid aside and giving
him a certificate that stated, “I HOPE TO
SURVIVE A CHILDHOOD WITH AN
INCONSIDERATE FATHER.”
I got home at about 4 a.m., and held my
cat, Tigger, close and light — trying to
forget the images of a dead cat being
incinerated and trying to forget what that
child’s dreams will be like for the next who
knows-how-long.
The following day, I called the Matt ofthe
Bluffs theater information line to check on ;
the rating of the movie, and I was told that it
is rated ‘R,* which st*te$ rT •
stricted — Under 17 requires accompanying
parent or adult guardian.”
Big surprise, but it’s not like there’s a
movie theater that’s really strict on that rub
anyway. r»*
As it turned out, that was the last weekend
that the Mall of the Bluffs ran any midnight
movies. However, to this day, it still fright
ens me that that man is allowed to be a role
model for a young child.
In the movie “Parenthood,” Keanu Reeves
says, “You need a license to drive a car or
own a cal. Hell, you need a license to catch a
fish, but any butt-reaming asshole canbea
father.** — Gerry Beltz
Polly Walker in “Enchanted April”
Unpredictable Victorian
movie tells love story
“Enchanted April,” an unpredict
able romantic fable directed by Mike
Newell (“Dance with a Stranger”),
tells the story of two women breaking
free from their crass husbands only to
discover deeper love for that which
they’ve longed to escape.
Set in rainy 1920s London, a point
of awkward transition from rigid
Victorianism to modem freedom, the
story begins with the depressed Lottie
Wilkins (Josie Lawrence).
Upon discovering a newspaper
advertisement for the Tease of a “smal I
medieval Italian castle on the shores
of the Mediterranean,"Louie becomes
obsessed with the idea of a romantic
springtime exile.
Louie immediately pleads with
Rose Arbuthnot (Miranda
Richardson), a complete stranger, to
come away with her for a retreat, and
Rose gives in to Lottie’s honest des
peration.
Mr. Wilkins (Alfred Molina), an
Industrial Revolution rationalist, and
Mr. Arbuthnot (Jim Broadbent), a
Victorian pornography writer, humor
ously comply wilh their wives’ wishes
for a vacation.
Along for the ride arc Caroline
(Polly Walker), a beautiful actress
who seeks peace and quiet from men’s
grabbing handsand incessant demands
for attention, and Mrs. Fisher (Joan
Plowright), an elderly snob whose
interest in the trip comes from her
desire to enforce the traditional rules
of etiquette and decorum on appar
ently thrill-seeking young women.
The husbands do arrive, as well as
the handsome veteran who owns the
castle.
There everything is seen from a
new light beneath die spell of their
enchanted surroundings.
The film’s gentle and intriguing
pace comes from a decidedly femi
nine perspective, a refreshing change
froGt most hero and damscl-in-dis
tress flicks. The performances arc
mesmerizing as wel I—first the view -
ers arc drawn in to the lives of the
characters, then they get to watch
them change, believably, for the bet
ter.
“Enchanted April” is showing at
the Mary Riepma Ross Film Theater
Thursday through Sunday and April
29 through May 2. Screenings arc at 7
and 9:15 p.m. daily wilh matinees on
Saturdays at 12:45 and 3 p.m. and
Sundays at 2:30 and 4:45 p.m.
— Calvin Clinchard
