‘Single parent’ label is unfair and inaccurate, tends
to stigmatize committed caregivers who do their best
I’m a senior English major at
the University of Nebraska-Lin
coln who just happens to be a
parent. Ana because I do not live
with my son’s father (to whom I
was never married), I am labeled
a “single" parent.
There are two definitions of
the word “single” that I would
like to utilize in relation to the
label that has been placed upon
me by society. Thissingle-parent
labeling is offensive to me. I am
treated differently from others,
stigmatized and talked about
whenever tips particular part of
my life is brought up.
The definitions I am talking
about relate to the definition of
the word “single:" 1. Not accom
panied by another or others —
sole; 2. Unmarried.
It is not the second part of the
definition that I have problems
with, because I have never been
married. But the first definition
defines my life, due to parent
hood as a lone effort — alone.
/ I, at no point or time, from the
conception of my baby to today,
was or am alone. Labeling me a
single parent implies that I should
receive sole credit for my part in
the responsibility taken for the
care and raising of my child, as
well as sole responsibility for
bringing another child into the
world without the benefit of a
“stable," two-parent home. I made
a thoughtful; conscious choice
to have a child and to raise him
to the best of my abilities. But I
couldn’t have conceived him
alone, and I cannot raise him
alone.
runner, single parenung im
plies that there was not an act of
intercourse between two people,
that the birth was performed by
• one, that no one showed up at
the baby shower, that no one ■
ever helps with the feeding, the
diapers, the clothes, etc. It is
impossible to raise a child (mar
ried or single) without sources
outside the parent’s home.
I had my son when I was a
sophomore in college, and I’m
going to graduate in August. It
nas actually become easier for
me to study and prepare for
classes because 1 just don’t have
the time to “play." I have to study
at regularly scheduled limes to
get the minimum amount ofclass
work finished and the maximum
satisfaction out of my classes.
I miss classes sometimes for
reasons those without children
do not. My son was sick for four
weeks last semester, and I had to
miss those fou r weeks of classes.
My mother and sister helped me
through, and my son is healthy
todayoecause of all the work we
did together.
Anyone who has ever seen a
mother or father pushing a stroller
with a diaper bag on one shoul
der and a book bag on the other,
trying to cross the street in the
middle of slush and mud of
winter, shouldn’t look at that
person’s finger to see if there is
a ring on it. They shouldn’t won
der what type of parent he or she
is. Insteaa, they should wonder
if there is anything that they can
offer to do to help. I’d do the
same for you.
Many people withoutchildren
ask me questions about being a
“single” parent all the time, like,
“Isn’t it hard?” and “How can you
do it?” They tell me their family
would never let them get away
with it, and ask me if I think
anyone will want to marry me
since I have a child.
Well, my answer is simple and
plain. I do it because I want to do
it and I will do it.
Havtngachildin any relation
ship is a lifelong commitment—
a person relies on me every single
day to do whatever it takes to
make su re he is safe, clothed and
fed (and he eats a lot).
Some people should look
more closely at the responsibili
ties involved in the parenting
process before they say negative
things about those of us who are
doing the test we can.
On Mondays, Wednesdays
and Fridays, I get up at 8 a. m. and
go to sleep at 1 a m. On Tues
days and Thursdays, I get up an f
hour later and go to bed an hour
earlier. It’s no big deal. Many
students do the same thing with
out the benefit of a 40-pound,
always hungry, human alarm
clock.
I work all day and participate
in a few extracurricular activi
ties. My grade point average is
not i mportant (a nd besides, most
of you wouldq’t be impressed);
but, again, I am graduating in
August and am in the process of
applying lor grauuaie acuuui.
I utilize all the governmental,
comrounity-basea and familial
resources I can. It makes school
easier because I don’t have to
worry as much about necessi
ties; so I have plenty of time to
“worry” about the extras—like
money for the movies, toys for
my son, clothes and beauty sa
lons — that my friends without
children sometimes take for
granted.
I only have one child, and I
can’t even begin to imagine the
amount of support and adminis
trative/financial assistance a par
ent with two or more children
has to try to find.
1 am a parent and unmarried.
But the joy my son brings into
my life and into the lives of
otners doesn’t warrant the nega
tive feelings or thoughts that tne
definition of single causes. Be
cause even if I do get married, I
will still be the same person and
continue to use a lot of the same
techniques I am using right now.
My ability to parent will not have
changed, the label and negative
sense of the word "single" will
be the only thing that has
dropped.
Diana Campbell la a senior English
ma)or and a Diversions contributor.
Mtehelle Paulman/DN
Diana Campbell holds her energetic 2-year-old eon, Darren, al her mother's house.
___