Theft attempt thwarted—almost
Ido my part to fight crime.
I never walk alone. 1 lock my
doors. And, every week, I tune
in to see if any of my cousins are on
“America’s Most Wanted” yet.
Usually, I live a very paranoid but
very safe life. It’s true that swine
eating criminals once broke into my
family’s home and helped themselves
to our TV, a frozen ham and some
Polish sausage; but that didn’t affect
me much. 1 don’t even like ham.
I’ve always felt sheltered from
crime — that is, until last Wednesday
at Nebraska Bookstore when crime
reared its ugly head.
My roommate Melissa and I
stopped at the bookstore so she could
pick up a proportion wheel for typog
raphy.
Ever since some lamc-o took her
bookbag from the Nebraska Union
last year, we have both been ver^
careful not to leave our bags unat
tended. But neither of us had a quarter
for a locker.
I already had my supplies, so I
offered to stand by the door and watch
her bag.
“Just leave it on the rack,” I said.
I admit it. I wasn’t taking my job
very seriously. I paid more attention
to some guy at the customer service
counter than her bag. He looked kind
of like Andrew Ridgclcy, the cuter*
less-talented member of Wham!.
Remember Wham!? “Wake Me
Up Before You Go-Go,” George
Michael, thousands of screaming 12
ycar-olds . . . remember? I loved
Andrew Ridgclcy. Somewhere, 1 still
have hundreds of glossy Wham! post
ers. Hundreds.
So, naturally, I was ignoring her
bookbag. Melissa’s bookbag has
never, ever made me flash back to the
glorious dawn of my adolescence.
As I wallowed in the past, hum
ming “Everything She Wants,” the
guy and his friend walked toward me.
He stood by the bookbag racks, deep
in conversation. Then he reached be
I’ve always felt
sheltered from
crime — that is,
until last
Wednesday at
Nebraska Book
store when crime
reared its ugly
head.
hind his back — without even turning
his head — and grabbed Melissa’s
bookbag.
Her new bookbag. The one I was
supposed to be watching.
No episode of “Cagney and Lacey”
could have prepared me for that mo
ment. As much as I knew it was my
responsibility to stop him, I couldn’t
say anything. I couldn’t move.
For a sixteenth of a second, I con
sidered letting himtake it. After all,
she has a knapsack or a duffel bag
somewhere, and books can be re
placed. Besides, he looked big. Well,
not VERY big, but big enough to hurt
me if he hit hard enough.
And then I thought, no way. He
can’t get away with this. I won’t let
him.
Just because I’m a girl doesn’t
mean thugs can go around stealing
bookbags from under my nose. I can
slop this. I will stop this. I am woman
— hear me roar!
I was getting ready to lake a big old
bite out of crime. As I stood there,
stunned and silent, my mind raced.
Maybe saving Melissa’s bookbag
would be a good career move. I could
quit school and become a bookstore
bouncer.
Maybe I’d be featured on “COPS.”
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna
do?
“Hey!” I’d shout whenever some
rogue tried to pinch a bag during my
shift. “Get on out of here with your
bookbag-stcaling self. You disgrace
this university.”
People like Melissa would never
be victimized when I was on duty. It
could even mean a neat nickname like
Eagle Eyes to have embroidered on
my official bookstore bouncer’s
jacket.
Armed with this ambition, I firmly
seized the bookbag and shouted —
yes, shouted — “HEY, this is . ..”
I looked down at the bag and no
ticed it bore an unfamiliar label. Fur
ther investigation revealed Melissa’s
bag sitting near my feet.
"... obviously your bag.”
I gave him his bag back.
Then I begged for forgiveness and
offered him a piece of candy. He was
pretty gracious considering I’d just
falsely accused him at the top of my
voice in a crowded store.
“Forget it,” he said. “What if I was
trying to steal it? You did the right
thing.”
Before I walked into that book
store, I’d thought I was already as
moronic as I ever could be. But sud
den ly, a new world of stupidity opened
up for me.
To comfort myself, I like to think
the whole fiasco taught me a lesson, a
few lessons.
First, puberty should never be re
lived in public places. Second,always
carry a quarter.
And finally,“Stop, thief.” justisn’t
a very good pickup line.
Rowell is a junior news-editorial, adver
tising and English major and a Daily Nebras
kan columnist.
Right to bear arms not free
Iwas looking over my gun col
lection the other day, and to my
dismay, 1 realized it wasn’t that
extensive.
But to my pleasant surprise, the
National Rifle Association of Good
01’ Boys recently sent to the Daily
Nebraskan a chance to win free guns.
Thai’s right — the “Pick Your Own
Gun Collection” sweepstakes.
“WIN FREE GUNS” the envelope
read. Sure, I was excited, but the
materials inside sent sugarplums danc
ing through my head.
“You know this feel ing, don’t you,”
the letter said. “You’re in your favor
ite gun store, adm iring al I those Rugers,
Remingtons, S&Ws, Weatherbys and
so many other guns you’d just love to
own ...”
Ah, a feeling I know so well it
hurts. All those guns, sitting useless
inside my favorite gun store, glitter
ing inside those glass cases. Just sit
ting there, like puppies in the pet
store, waiting for someone to love.
And how I’d love them back, fully
strapped, sending those bullets zip
ping down that long, metal lube_
The best thing about this contest is
that 1 won’t simply WIN FREEGUNS,
but the guns I want. Six little check
lists, one for each type of gun, allow
me to tell those helpful NRA gun
totin’ officials exactly which firearms
I’m missing from my arsenal.
For instance, in the category “9mm
pistol," I can choose from “Browning
Hi-Powcr,” “Bcrctta 92FS,” “Smith
& Wesson Model 5904” or “Other.”
“MORE GUNS THAN EVER
BEFORE!” the brochure exclaimed.
I chose the Beretia92FS, the Rugcr
KGPF-331, the Bcnclli Montcfellro,
the Dakota Arms 76Classic, the Mar
lin 990L and the Glock Model 21.
I really need all of those.^ Right
now, the only gun I own is the “Super
Soaker”pistol model. Itdoesn’tcom
mand a lot of respect. Sometimes I’ll
“WIN FREE GUNS”
the envelope read.
Sure, I was excited,
but the materials
inside sent
sugarplums
dancing through
my head.
stand out on my front porch and wave
it around. Nobody seems to care. But
maybe that’s just my neighborhood.
I was somewhat worried that, with
all the other people out there clamor
ing to WIN FREE GUNS, I might be
pushed away from my prize.
However, after reading the NRA
materials included with my sweep
stakes entry form, I realized there was
no reason for me to simply dream
about owning guns—it is my right as
an American to have a gun! Accord
ing to the NRA, and, in fact, the
Constitution of the United Slates, I
have a right to bear arms.
Somewhere along the line I was
forgotten. Maybe 1 didn’t sign up
where I was supposed to, but I never
received my gun. Perhaps it was lost
in the mail. I moved recently, and that
always screws things up.
Immediately, I called the NRA
800-number hotline. Right in front of
me, in black and white, I saw the NRA
was pledged to fight the “gun grab
e
bcrs in the U.S. Congress.” The gun
grabbers, I suspected, were keeping
my gun from me, grabbing it, or what
ever they do with them.
When you call the general NRA
number, expect to remain on hold for
a while. I spent the time thinking of
target practice and protecting my
home against intruders.
However, I was in for a shock.
“Wedon’tgiveoutguns.’TheNRA
man who finally took my call loJd me.
‘i would imagine you’d have to pur
chase them, possibly, if you qualify.”
But, I asked him, isn’t it our right,
as set down in the Constitution by the
Founding Fathers, to bear arms?
‘‘I’ve never heard (of) anyone just
giving them out,” he said. ‘‘Maybe I
have different feelings from you on
that.”
What’s going on here? A guy from
the NRA disagreeing with me that
everyone should have guns?
I phoned NRA headquarters in
Washington, D.C., intending to alert
them to the evil disinformativc liberal
propaganda being spewed out by the
people who work at the hotline. In
stead, I was talked down to and
laughed at.
‘‘If you wantonc for free, you have
to join army or the police,” Mr. NRA
said, adding that the government is
under no obligation to furnish the
populace with weaponry.
We don’t have to pay for our other
rights, I said. But Mr. NRA men
tioned the army again.
The Constitution clearly slates we
have a right to “bear” arms, which
means to HAVE them, not to PUR
CHASE them.
What the hell?
Phelps is a junior news-editorial major,
the Daily Nebraskan managing editor and a
columnist.
—
Prayer
The Association of Students of the
University of Nebraska has received
considerable criticism concerning its
support of the retention of commence
ment invocations and benedictions.
Some have questioned ASUN for
spending time on a matter they con
sider frivolous. Others have called on
ASUN to get with it and become more
progressive. Even the Daily Nebras
kan, that champion of free speech, has
called upon ASUN senators to shut
their mouths.
In our representative democracy,
the general rule is that majorities de
cide. The minor rule is that certain
rights arc protected from majority
decision making. These rights arc
codified in our Constitution, and the
S upreme Court tells us authoritatively
what is and what is not protected.
Whatever is not protected is decided
by majority vole.
I trust us to govern ourselves. That
is why I introduced a resolution in
ASUN calling on the UNL Com
mencement Committee to return this
issue to the students. If students vote
to abolish commcnccmcntpraycr, that
will be fine with me because the ma
jority will have spoken. If they vote to
retain this tradition, their choice can
be implemented in a non-offensive
manner. Let students decide—notan
autocrat, not the DN editorial board.
Ron Schmidt
second-year law student
1 am a graduating senior after six
years at this university, and 1 oppose
prayer at graduation. I resent and I am
angered by those who would force a
Christian blessing on me at gradua
tion. No one has the right to make me
accept this.
To those who insist on an orga
nized prayer, let me ask you, are you
so insecure in your belief or your faith
of your god that you have to have
someone else ask for your blessing? I
am secure enough in my belief of my
Goddess that I can ask for Her bless
ing in a moment of silence, so why
can’t you? That way, l can ask for my
own blessing, the Christians can ask
for theirown, the Muslims can pray in
their own tradition, etc., and the athe
ists can hang tight for a minute.
It’s as easy as that; but if you don’t
feel comfortable enough to do some
thing so simple, then go to your min
ister or pastor or whatever and ask for
advice. Don’tcram your blessing down
my throat.
Lynn Baxter
senior
English and history
Sam Kepficld accuses me of being
close-minded because I don’t believe
prayer should be included in a gradu
ation ceremony at a public university.
I am open-minded, I accept other
people’s religious faiths and their
rights to exercise their beliefs. How
ever, open-mindedness goes both
ways; ilalso means that people would
accept my atheism and not impose
their religious beliefs on me by lead
ing me in a prayer at my graduation.
We do not all celebrate the idea of
God as Kepficld claims. This idea is .
not held by atheists, Buddhists, Mus
lims and others. If some students be
lieve celebrating God is necessary at
graduation, then a moment of silence
for reflection should be an acceptable
solution for all.
Elizabeth Gamboa
freshman
English
No Sam Kcpficld,itisnotlhc“idca
of a God that we celebrate.” The legal
definition of religion is not limited to
one god, or for that matter, any god.
Go ahead, Sam, check the cases. W hi le
you, or the majority you claim to
represent, might not mind prayer led
by an established and accepted reli
gion, would you not object to prayer
by some of the fringe religions? The
Constitution, Sam, operates to protect
the minority, not bow to the will of the
majority.
Y ourapproach to the issue of prayer
at commencement, as well as most of
the issues you have written about,
reflects your shallow ness and insensi
tivity.
John C. Joscfsberg
third-year law student
Call us to find out w li\.
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