Cards help make distant friends
rt came in the mail just yesterday
— and not one moment too soon.
I’m writing, of course, about
my official Clinton Victory Card, pro
vided to me free of charge from the
good folks at the National Card Com
pany of Chattanooga, Tcnn.
On the front of the baseball card
type Victory Product is a heartwarm
ing picture of Bill and Hillary stand
ing beside the Victory Bus out on
Campaign Trail Smiley.
I flipped over the card and found
that the reverse side listed all sorts of
useful information, such as which
states voted for which candidate back
in November.
But that wasn’t all. Along with the
Free Victory Card was a press release
detailing how the National Card Com
pany, in celebration of the victory and
all, has printed up a 10-card “Road to
the White House” set, and I CAN
COLLECT THEM!
That’s what I love about this job. I
feel the power of the press flooding
through my body, much like the wave
of victory that propelled Clinton to
the White House. All I had to do was
sit at my desk, and my free Victory
Card dropped right into my lap, all the
way from Chattanooga, Tcnn.
According to the press release, the
10-card set shows all aspects of our
new chief executive, including
“Clinton, the listener;” “Clinton, the
motorcyclist;” and “Clinton, the
builder.”
“The cards show Clinton in roles
that all Americans will understand,”
the letter exclaimed. I’m not sure I
understand “Clinton, the builder,”
myself. I wasn’t aware he built things.
The press release told me to con
tact Lewis Revels in Chattanooga for
more information. Lewis wasn’t
around on Thursday afternoon. But
Michael Gonzalez was.
“I couldn’t really guess,” Gonzalez
said. Apparently, the phone number I
was seni wasn’t for the folks at Na
tional Card Company, but for Chatta
“The cards show
Clinton in roles that
all Americans will
understand,” the
letter exclaimed.
I’m not sure I
understand
“Clinton, the
builder,” myself.
nooga Coin and Stamp, who only
distributes the cards.
“We just lake orders,” Gonzalez
told me. He hadn ’t seen the “Builder”
card yet, but he told me that 10 of
them would cost $9.95. Gonzales
speculated the “builder” card showed
Clinton “coming up the ranks to the
presidency.”
Could be.
I told Gonzalez I was interested in
how much the cards would be worth to
traders. I asked him if, for example,
two Nixon cards might equal one
Clinton. Unfortunately, there are no
other presidential cards; as far as
Gonzalez knew, anyhow.
He agreed with me that comparing
Clinton cards to other cards, such as
maybe Mickey Mantle or Babe Ruth,
would be like comparing apples and
oranges.
Thai’s the trouble with these specu
lative investments.
Gonzalez said that during the race
last fall a bunch of cards of the three
candidates were printed up, and 10
Perot or Bush cards can be ordered for
$10. That makes all of them about
equal.
I thought I might ask Bill Clinton
what he thought of that, but the White
House number was busy. When I tried
to call back later, I mistakenly dialed
area code 212 instead of 202, and
reached Rob Imbriano, a producer for
ABC television in New York City.
He said that the idea of collecting
Bill Clinton cards didn’t thrill him,
although he pronounced his name Rob
as“Robe,” which seems kind of fishy.
‘‘I was a big baseball card collector
when I was a kid, but it stopped there.
It docsn’t really excite me,” Imbriano
said. ‘‘I like my Nolan Ryan, Willie
Mays, but Bill Clinton, no, I don’t
think so.”
Imbriano also told me he was on a
deadline, and that h is department was
“fightin’ hard to change this num
ber.” Evidently, people call him all
the time when trying to reach the
White House.
My producer friend seemed a bit
suspicious of me, and he was careful
to write my name down. I told him
that I’d pul him in the paper if he pul
me on televison, and he said it was a
deal.
That’s the whole point behind trad
ing baseball cards — making new
friends. And I made a friend today,
thanks to Bill Clinton “Road to the
White House” Victory Cards. Rob, or
Robe, Imbriano, toiling away in the
rat race of Manhattan, knows that he
has a friend in the far-off wasteland of
Nebraska.
It’s the power of the hobby, and a
beaulifollower at that. I hope that
wbon Rob/Robe changes his number,
he tells me what the new one is.
Maybe one day when my Victory
Card matures in value, he’ll swap a
Nolan Ryan for it.
Phelps is a junior news-editorial major,
the Daily Nebraskan managing editor and a
columnist.
Big breasts: a fashion liability?
The decade of the breast is at its
close!
Yes, the time has come for
the planet’s greatest fashion minds to
release what’s hot and what’s not for
1993.According to a reputable
women’s magazine, this year will be
— surprise, surprise — filled with
more wacky seventies clothing. One
of these days, those velvet bcll-bot
loms have got to make a real come
back.
WHOA — here's the real news —
1993 will be the return of the small
chested woman.
Adieu falsies, implants and Puffs
Plus with aloe. Ladies, the lime has
come to pul away your push-up bras
and get yourself a corset!
Somehow, I think the wonderful
world of women’s fashion is making
a big mistake, a bigger mistake even
than assuming people will actually
buy bell-bottoms cn masse again.
It seems a little silly — darn near
ridiculous, in fact— for body types to
go in and outof style. So what if small
or large breasts arc in or out this year?
If you’ve got ‘cm, you’ve got ‘em.
You can’t just buy a new and im
proved pair.
I’m no Madonna. (I mean, I’m
REALLY no Madonna.) But, even I
have worn some really lame things in
a pathetic attempt to be cool in the
eyes of my equally pathetic peers. In
the seventh grade, I tried wearing a
Swatch around my ankle. No blood
reached my feet during my junior
high years because I used 80 safely
pins to taper my jeans.
But help me out. There’s not much
that even the most devoted fashion
slave can do about her chest size.
“Gosh, small breasts arc all the
rage in Mi,Ian. I guess I’ll have mine
taken in a few inches!’’
Colors and skirl lengths and hair
styles can all come and go, but short
of surgery, we’re stuck with our bod
ies.
Adieu falsies,
implants and
Puffs Plus with
aloe. Ladies, the
time has come to
put away your
push-up bras and
get yourself a
corset! _
I’d like to know who makes the
final decision in these manners. I’m
not sure, but I think rapidly aging
French men, while enjoying un peudu
cafe and chain-smoking say, ,fCoco,
these breasts, they tire me.”
‘‘Oui, Y ves, it is lime for a change.”
Do they break into a round of Lcs
Marseilles and bring back Twiggy
just like that?
And, why docs it have to be breast
size? Why not head size? “Yes ma’am,
all the hot models have big heads.
They can hardly hold them up on the
runways. I have two words for the
stylish woman in 1993: Charlie
Brown.”
It couldn’t be I ike that because that
wouldn’t satisfy a society obsessed
withS-E-X.
And yet, parts of the male anatomy
don ’ l come in and out of style. Do GQ
and Esquire ever hail the return of the
small penis?
You know, I’m usually slow to
embrace hard-line feminist conspiracy
theories, but most fashion maga/.incs
claim to be advocates for women. The
better ones sandwich stories about
successful, interesting and real women
in between all those pages of advertis
ing and pictures of Cindy Crawford.
It doesn’t make sense for these
same publications to encourage
women to hale or feel wrong about
their bodies. Most women get enough
encouragement elsewhere.
We invite the fashion gods to dic
tate what we should pul on our bodies,
but when they tell us what our bodies
should be, aren’t we letting them go
too far?
When I shared my new fashion
info with my rather buxom room
mate, did she say, “Who needs them?
I like me just the way I am.’’
No, she immediately assumed all
the world’s small-breasted women had
staged a letter-writing campaign just
so that she would look dorky in this
fall’s sweaters.
“Myonc asset! What will they take
from me next?”
It’s sad that whether small or large
breasts arc in, about half of all women
will always be out.
Thai’s all right. I guess women arc
used to feeling miserable about them
selves.
Well, maybe it’s not all right.
But, don’t despair Ms. 36DD, you
can still be chic this year. There is
always that seventies boat to jumpon!
Stock upon hip huggers and hot pants.
Maybe you can hide those atrocious
breasts behind a denim vest or a Kit
Dynomitc mega-collar.
And, don’t forget, this year bell
bottoms arc really here to stay.
Really.
Rowell Is a junior news-editorial, adver
tising and English major and a Dally Nebras
kan columnist
Are You Late? I
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College Pro Painters will be having presentations
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RATED: MALCOLM X
Portrayed By Darryl Van Leer
..
In an
uncompromising
world emerges an
uncompromising
man.
"Rated: Malcolm
is the
unadulterated
dramatization
of the life of the
controversial
Malcolm X.
January 25,1993
7:00 p.m.
Nebraska Union Centennial Room
Admission: UNL Students - Free
w/ID, Public - $3
Presented By University Program Council
For more information call 472-8146 Event Hotline- 472-8150