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Gays, lesbians trip GAYDAR
wnai is u aooui mat woman in
aisle B that lets me know she’s a
lesbian?
She’s not wearing flannel, she
didn’t get out of a pick-up, and she
doesn’t look like k.d. Iang. I know
this is the health food co-op, but
hey, straight women eat tofu too!
The thing scooting my boot over
to the organic tomato paste section
is an insistent bleep . . . bleep . . .
bleep. Yes! Ms. Lct-Me-See, fresh
tuna, cat food, farm eggs and herbal
tea — has flipped my GAYDAR.
I must admit most gays and les
btans arc pretty talented, but the
only real, and I do mean “born with
it" gift, is the thrilling ability to pick
out Ihc lamily, the members ol
the Church,” the "friends of Dor
othy." You know,the "Queers” whe
arc in any crowd, such as a GOI
convention. ;
This sweet past-lime is idiomati
cally known as GAYDAR. It’s ar
acronym just like radar, scuba, mis
silc, and schizophrenia, when the
letters from GAY D(ctccting) A(nd]
R(ecognizing) arc pul together they
spell GAYDAR.
What is GAYDAR and how doe?
it work? Practically every man will
an ancient Greek heritage or i
woman of Sa pphic origi ns gi ves of
little homing signals.
Centuries of careful evolutior
auow even your average yueer
Jo(e) lo send subsonic signals such
as the even, low-toned “Get a load
of these straights," the incessant,
high pitched “Lesbian-feminist seeks
same toargue with, "and. ofcourse,
the self-explanatory “Hey Baby!"
Some researchers argue against
the PSSSST (People Sending Sub
Sonic Signals Theory) citing the
minute cultural details that filler
into every facet of “The Life."
Support for the “Cultural View”
comes in a variety of forms. Straight
people who insist on wearing queer
clothing (and guess what, my dear
helero friends, that’s incredibly com
mon) have been known to trip
GAYDAR. '
Hut I’ve heard that one in every
586,OOOgaysand lesbians has infal
lible GAYDAK.
I think the saddest evolutionary
mutation is the person of the het
erosexual persuasion who, by some
freak accident,has acquired
GAYDAK. We all know some guy
or gal who continually falls for that
person of another sexual orienta
. lion.
Long before I was out, a male
i friend of mine with that crossover
skill insisted 1 tripped hisG AYDAR.
At least he knew what was going
on. So many thusly a fflicled straights
i never get what’s up with their tragic
“II
I think the saddest evo
lutionary mutation is
the person of the het
erosexual persuasion
who by somefreak ac
cident has acquired
GAYDAR. We all know
some guy or gal who
continually falls for
that person of another
sexual orientation.
liy Gwen Vischer
Diversions Contributor
7 7
love life.
Wait, I’ve got to find that altrac
live vegetarian. There she is a
check-out.
She’s a dyke, 1 know it. It’s no
her jewelry, it’s not her hair style, o
her shoes that’s getting to me.
She doesn’t have to give tha
woman waiting by the door a lool
of utter adoration. Her air of free
dom and self-confidence is all th<
ID required.
I know that if I walk out behirn
them, we’ll exchange a smile a
they climb into a mini-van full o
kids.
iw”'s VV.cJsi
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