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World’s end requires computers
The big story in South Korea
this month is the biggest story
of all — nothing less than the
end of the world.
An estimated 20,000 South Ko
rean Christians, according to a Los
Angeles Times report, arc part of a
movement convinced that Oct. 28
marks the day prophesied in the Book
of Revelation when
1144,000 believers will
beamed to heaven,
weryone else will have
to sit through seven
^earsof war and famine
iforc the Second Com
|ing of Christ. Bummer.
The news has spooked
■scores of South Kore
ans into selling homes, quilling jobs
and abandoning families. Mainstream
churches, the Times said, have con
demned the movement as blasphemy.
But, hey, who knows? We’ve wit
nessed the collapse of communism,
the fall of ihp. Rprlin Wall Rill anrl
Ted’s Excellent Adventure — why
not the Second Coming?
An advertisement paid for by the
mostly Korean-immigrant Church of
Praise in Aurora, Colo., appeared in
the Omaha World-Herald on Sept. 27,
telling Nebraska rcadcrsall about Oct.
28 — “The Rapture.”
“The Lord has revealed the time of
the Rapture (Oct. 28, 1992) and the
Great Tribulation (1993-1999) to
many different walks of life... through
visions, dreams, prophesies, and
voice,” part of the ad read.
I can’t remember any visions I
might have had, unless you count the
weird things I start to think about
when I nod off in Art History 168.
And as far as “prophesies and
voice” go, I’m drawing a blank.
1 suppose all this means the Rap
ture has not been “revealed” to me,
personally, by the Big Guy. But that’s
OK, because my subscription to the
World-Herald came through for me.
I’ll be ready,
The ad also tells of that pesky old
“666” deal: “666 represents the Anti
christ who will be the head of the
revived Roman Empire to be merged
as the union of European nations_
The 666 mark will be in the form of
computerized identification num
bers,” it said.
I don’t want to speculate on how
European unification lies in to all this,
but I’ve heard of the computerized
markings before. I used to work as a
tourist guide at an Interstate 80 rest
stop, where an odd man of the cloth
once told me how all of us have
invisible bar codes on our hands, and
“They” read them whenever we buy
something at the supermarket.
“They would be upsetif They knew
I told you that,” he said, taking a quick
look behind him. Maybe They were
following him, I don’t know.
At the time, I simply stared at the
strange man lor a moment and then
decided I would go home for the day.
Little did 1 realize that he might be
speaking the truth.
Perhaps many of us really arc walk
ing around with these blasted num
bers emblazoned on our hands, and
the only people who know which of us
arc marked “666” arc those sneaky
scanning cash-register operators.
1 worked at a ShopKo for some
time, and on occasion I ran a register.
No one ever told me how to read the
customers’ hands, and now I feel kind
of left out. 1 can’t help but wonder
what computerized ID number is on
my hand. I could have known about
this whole thing years ago, instead of
finding out a crummy half-month
before the end of the world.
It seems interesting to me that the
Lord has chosen to use computerized
identification numbers to keep track
of everything. I never got that out of
my reading of the Bible. I’m sure the
apocalypse will be a pretty hectic day.
and all, but one would think He could
manage withoutany sort of help. He’s
never had to use computers before.
I wonder what type of computer
He will use. IBM, Apple and the
others must be competing like mad
for that particular endorsement. I
wonder if He got a good deal on a
software package such as Windows.
It is somewhat depressing, really,
talking about the end of the world. I
suppose you could look at it another
way — after all, the whole thing will
bejust peachy for the 144,000 who get
to go upstairs. But spending seven
years down here with the Europeans
and their Roman Empire doesn’t sound
like much fun.
The World-Herald tells us the
movement’s literature advises those
left behind to“Rcad the Bible like you
have never read it before ... pray ..
. and do not take the mark (666) at any
cost, even if it means you and your
loved ones die as martyrs.”
Pprhnn« ihic i<c u/hf'.rr*. I hr; Fumnean
connection comes in. The “mark” the
movement mentioned could be the
German Mark, which has done so
well on the currency markets of late.
The number 666 could refer to an
exchange rate. I’ll have to contact my
broker.
Those slimy Europeans arc brew
ing up something or another — all
those South Koreans, the Church of
Praise and my wacky traveling
preacher friend can’t be wrong. And
in the middle of a worldwide reces
sion, too! How could Europe plan the
end of the world and manipulate the
Mark so deviously?
Thank God we have a military
industrial complex mighty enough to
mop up that entire continent.
Phelps is a junior news-editorial major,
the Daily Nebraskan wire editor and a colum
nist.
Frustrated philosophers hit mark
1 happened lo be standing in the
restroom the other day at Bessey
Hall and noticed crude writings
on the wall.
I’ve seen these scribblings all my
life, but this lime I looked deeper at
the writing. I read between the lines.
I began to probe the meaning of the
metaphysical ramblings
of someone who had
gone before me.
What started out as a
routine trip to the
restroom turned into a
small-scale, wholly un
tenable anthropological
study that follows about
the sentiment of a cul-.
turc.
To impress lexicologists, I tilled
my study: The Analysis of the Levity
of Laconic Lavatory Lexicon. Or for
lay folk: Why Do People Write on
Bathroom Walls?
Before I explain the method and
results of my analysis, let me tell you,
1 got an odd feeling roaming around
restrooms when I had no scheduled
business to perform.
People looked at me with the un
said expression, “What in the hell arc
you looking for, man? You come here
lo ‘perform’ or what?”
For a few days whenever I entered
a restroom, I sucked in my shame and
continued on my quest for words of
wisdom on the walls of restrooms,
which I picked randomly, of course.
So much for method.
Now for a preliminary look at the
findings, which I will divide into men’s
and women’s. I know what you’re
thinking — restroom rumblings.
Please note the parenthetical infor
mation is mine.
Burnett Hall, men:
“IfGod intended the world to have
gays, he would have created Adam
and Steve.”
‘‘Oxymoron oflhc week: frat aca
demics.”
“How many frat boys docs it lake
to screw in a light bulb? One to screw
it in. Two to make a T-shirt about it.”
“Die Fags.”
“#@*& nigers.” (Spelled wrong.
Musi have been in a hurry).
“Niggers. KKK.”
“NU Football Sucks.” (A dis
senter!)
“Please take a scat. My AIDS will
be right with you.” .
“The only good Iranian is a dead
♦♦
one.
Burnett Hall, women:
“What is love?”
“Impeach Bush!” (OK! When?)
Oldi'athcr, women:
“We arc everywhere! Even in Ne
braska!” (Message next to a pair of the
female symbols, circle atop the cross,
holding hands).
“I love Dave.”
Besscy, women:
“Did you come here to #&%! or
look around.”
“Get High.”
Besscy, men:
1st person: “Lower the drinking
age.
2nd person: “Legalize marijuana.”
3rd person: “Legalize cocaine.”
4th person: “Legalize murder.”
5th person: “Legalize your
mother.” (No doubt a group effort).
“He whoculson another’s identity
must be unsure of his own.” (Pro
found.)
Armed wan these cursory survey
results, it became apparent that the
most common themes underlying
many of these writings were about
sex, homosexuality and grcck system
vs. the world stuff.
The writings on the walls were
etched with hale, fear and hope. They
revealed some things about the ethos
of genders. Either men have a lot
more to say than women—there were
fewer writings in the women’s
restrooms — or women just aren’t as
malevolent as men. Many of the writ
ings on the women’s walls bemoaned
love and peace.
Artists of anatomical parts fre
quented the bathrooms; their draw
ings always larger than life, of course.
There were ramblings in circles.
Written in pencil. In ball point. In
everlasting marker. With keys. With
knives. With fingers.
Spelling seems a lost ability for
many of the anonymous philosophers.
Maybe someday someone will invent
built-in spell checkers for bathroom
stalls for words like lesbicn, polatics
or testaeals.
It’s amazing how people do that
anyway. Like you’ll sec the message:
“Dormiescatraiscn brand for lunch.”
Inevitably, someone comes through
later, scratches out “raisen brand ” and
writes above it “raisin bran.” Pure
genius!
Here’s an example of an actual
grammatically corrected finding on a
stall door in Oldfathcr.
Original writer:
“Eryn & Jay, true love forever. I
know this is childish, but I really love
him and I have never wrote on a
bathroom wall before.”
Editors: Someone crossed out the
“and,” replaced it with a period and
made two sentences. The same person
also crossed out “wrote” and changed
it to “written.”
Later, someone underlined “wall”
in the original and wrote below it:
“This is a door, honey.”
Later, still, another person wrote:
“And your grammer sucks the big
one. Better marry the #<a)%&!+# so
you can drop out.
Most of the writings were in soli
tary places, like phone booths and
library stalls and bathroom stalls. Or
in remote places where not loo many
people venture. I found this curious,
because when I think about it, I’ve
never seen anyone writing these mes
sages.
Maybe these contemporary etch
ings are somehow descended from
primal cave drawings in France and
Northern Spain.
In the future, when archaeologists
excavate this campus and find these
indelible inscriptions in the marble or
evcrlast marker drawings, they may
wonder, “That’s a strange cultural
phenomenon. This arti fact dates back
to A.D. 1992. Paper had been in
vented hundreds of years before that.
Yct, these people still wrote on walls?’’
Moss is u graduate student studying an
thropology and a Dally Nebraskan colum
nist.
” $&OOOF~"
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