Looking at the other side of 21
Time flies. Every year about
this time, I usually.get excited
about my birthday. I get ex
cited aboutthe gifts, money, attention
and the ritual of it all.
But this week, as my 22nd birthday
looms over me like a dark, foreboding
cloud, I couldn’t help but ponder my
age. Bad idea.
Just like the biblical wife of Lot
who looked back and turned into a
pillar of salt, I looked forward and felt
as though I would meet that same fate.
- I had peaked at 21, and
it was all downhill from
there. In the ensuing
passages, I have spelled
out“aging” and attached
a meaning to each of the
letters so that they re
flect my newly found
fear of getting older.
-- “A” is for ability, agil
ity, mobility. I have noticed that my
ability to be a flexible person has
diminished quite rapidly over the last
year. Today, unlike in my high school
days when doing the splits or high
kicks or various other moves for drill
team was justji matter of setting my
mind to Gufhby mode, I can no longer
bend and twist quite the way I used to.
The other day I tried to do a “bridge
up,” one of those hideous moves that
is a staple of junior high gymnastics.
I forced myself to hold this ungodly
position for three seconds before I
collapsed onto the floor. Recovery
time: one hour.
Not only am I no longer flexible
physically, but I also can sec my
mental agility dropping off rapidly. I
can see that I am more rigid in my
ideas; although 1 may be able to sec
someone elsc’s point, I still like mine
better.
I went to the post office last week
to get stamps and grumbled on my
way out of the Nebraska Union about
how I can’t believe the price has
skyrocketed to 29 cents when I can
recall that not so long ago postage was
a mere nine cents. Oh my God, I
thought. Forget being anything like
my mom — I was turning into my
grandmother.
I realize that mobility doesn’t be
gin with the letter A, but this is my
column and I thought this was an
important point. Why is it that older
people settle down in the same place?
I used to think that Lincoln was sooo
boring and that it was imperative that
I get myself to a coast as soon as I
graduated.
I’m starting to think that Lincoln
isn ’ t such a bad place after all and that
I may want to raise my family here
and practice medicine in my home
town. I think I need psychological
help!
“G” is for gray. I was at my hair
salon for a cut and style a few weeks
back. As Mikki, my stylist, was brush
ing my long auburn locks, she pulls a
single hair from my hair and said:
“Jen, you’re getting old. I just found
your first gray hair.”
I screamed in horror just like
McCauley Culkin for several seconds
as she laid my hair on the table in front
of me. After the smelling salts had
kicked in, I looked at that one despi
cable lock of hair, only to realize that
it was simply splattered with paint
from the home improvements my
roommate and I had done the week
before.
“I” is for immunity. As I embark
on my path to the geriatrics ward, I
realize that sometimes I do not notice
or care about the ways of the world
like I should.
I hear a lot of people discussing the
election and how they are sick of
“politics as usual.” I remember last
election was the First lime I ever voted.
I was thrilled to have the privilege that
some of my sisters in the past were
deprived of. I cast my vote for Bush,
whom I thought would be the “envi
ronmental” president, the man for
better education systems, and the pur
vcyorof “Read my lips. No new taxes.”
Bush failed me on all three counts.
Four years later, and four years wiser,
1 realize that a vote for Clinton is just
a vote against a Bush/Reagan strong
hold that permeated its ignorance of
the underprivileged and was lobbied
to no end by rich special interest
groups.
And at this point, I just don’t think
that either of these candidates have
the ability or the leadership that can
overhaul the engine of this country;
jump-starting the battery just won’t
get it running effectively again. And
so it is the way of the world, and I feel
as if I have built up an immunological
resistance to the handful of men who
wield all the power in the United
States.
“N” is for nochallengesassociated
with your birthday. It is no secret to
any of my friends that I am proud of
the fact that ever since I set foot on this
campus I have been getting into the
bars.
I truly considered going out and
getting free drinks on the date of birth
of the person on my fake ID. I would
have had the pleasure of two birth
days in thatcase.Ihavetoadmititwas
thrilling at first, but the feeling be
came lackluster when I became such
a regular at bars that they didn’t card
me anymore, and I wasn’t even truly
21 yet.
My question now: What is there
left to get away with? Am I supposed
to try to get social security a few years
shy of 62? Can I get my 10 percent off
at Denny’s at 55 instead of 60?
“G” is for gravity. Just like the old
house I moved into two months ago,
with age our bodies settle. We even
tually reach a point where our facial
skin around our cheeks droops, our
laugh lines become wrinkles, and some
other choice parts aren’t so perky
anymore.
I have decided this is the reason
that older people aren’t thought to
have sex anymore. Maybe our bodies,
like my apartment, settle differently.
What if my hubby’s body droops three
inches, and I only droop 2 1/2 inches?
We just won’t “fit” together like we
used to.
So much for aging. Many people
have tried to tell me that things gel
better with age. “Like fine wine, age
brings perfection.” At this point, I beg
to differ. So from here on, I’m 22
forever, no matter what anyone says.
Ernisse is a senior pre-med major and a
Daily Nebraskan columnist.
---1 I
Social conscience not for military
The silly season is upon us again
— that recurrent urge in liber
als to feel good by doing good,
fighting those at the top of their list of
enemies.
In this case it’s the U.S. military.
Liberals are pushing, and that great
military strategist Bill Clinton has
promised, to lift the ban on homo
sexuals in the military. The Associa
tion of Students of the University of
Nebraska this month wisely voted to
urge the Academic Sen
ate to soften its stand on
withdrawing ROTC
credit unless the Penta
gon changed its policy.
And, in the wake of
the Tailhook scandal,
feminists — among
_them a likely Secretary
of Defense for Clinton,
Rep. Pat Schroedcr, D-Colo., — are
screaming louder than ever for women
to be allowed in combat.
The ultimate aim is to turn the
military into one more social-aware
ness and sensitivity ghetto. That is not
only wrong, it’s dangerous.
Both arguments are flawed, though
the case for women is stronger in a
limited sense. I’ll take them one at a
time. Ladies first.
The troublesome thing about
Tailhook isthalit’sbeingcallcd sexual
harassment and used as a wedge to put
women into full-combat roles. It’s a
nonsequilur.
Tailhook was a case of sexual as
sault, acriminal act, punishable und^r
the Uniform Code oi Military Justice.
It can be taken care of without any
social consciousness-raising.
Don’t get me wrong. It took a lot of
courage for Lt. Paula Coughlin to
come forward in the face of all the
disapproval from her peers, and
frankly, I salute the woman for it.
Those who demonstrated such un
gcntlcmanly and un-officer-likc be
navior m public and toward not just
women but their colleagues should be
called on it. It’s unprofessional.
But to go from this to saying that
women belong in foxholes is nonsen
sical.
First of all, women already have
combat roles. During the Panama in
vasion, women military police offic
ers were engaged in firefights with
Panamanian forces. In the Gulf war,
women drove supply convoys and air
defense units and staffed supply
dumps.
The nature of modem warfare is
sucji that in any major land, air and sea
battle the first thing the enemy is
going to do is send a few squadrons of
fighter-bombers screaming to the rear
to hit supply dumps. No fuel or am
munition means any army will grind
to a hall in short order.
In such a scenario, women will be
coming under air attack and trying to
knock those planes out of the sky.
Sounds like combat to me.
To be fair, the Russians in World
War II resorted to women to fill com
bat air squadrons and tank companies.
The women did quite well. Several
women became aces against the Ger
man air force, and Russian tanks
crcwtd by women turned back Ger
man tank divisions.
Allowing women to fly combat
missions, where they are already fly
ing supply missions — which, as the
war in Bosnia demonstrates, can be
shot down just as easily — makes
sense. They are better able to with
stand G-forces that fighter aircraft
sometimes pull in combat, causing
the pilot to black out. If they’re quali
fied, let them do it.
As for gays in the military, the
story is different. Here, a distinction
must be made, a very important one,
in the debate over whether homo
sexuality is learned or is genetic.
It may be both, as is alcoholism.
* ■ ■
One might have a genetic predisposi
tion toward either, but it does not
automatically follow that the behav
ior will ensue.
I have no doubt that many homo
sexuals arc proficient in their duties.
But proficiency is not everything in a
military organization. Discipline and
morale arc.
Gen. Colin Powell, Chairman of
the Joint Chiefs of Staff, is on record
as staling that homosexual behavior is
inconsistent with military order and
discipline.
Many, including Rep. Schrocder,
challenge this fact, claiming that it
was used in the past to exclude blacks
from the military. Powell’s response
was powerful.
“Skin color is a benign, non-be
havioral characteristic. Sexual orien
tation is perhaps the most profound of
human behavioral characteristics.
Comparison of the two is a conve
nient but invalid argument.’’
The point of this is that the military
is no place to try out the latest fads in
social-consciousness. The purpose of
a military is to kill people and break
things.
And to do so,you need people that
area bitrough, who don’t conform to
the norms expected by the compas
sion and sensitivity fascists. No sane
person is going to land an F-14 on a
aircraft carrier deck in rough seas,
storm a beach against a hail of bullets
or jump out of a transport plane from
500 feet with no reserve chute. Yet
this is what the military is all about.
If we give into this craze for sensi
tivity, then what we end up with is a
bunch of candy-assed choirboys who >
might relate to their female and gay
counterparts in a socially acceptable
manner, 15Ut who can’t fire a gun
without going to an encounter group
first.
Kcpfldd is a graduate student in history,
an alumnus of the UNL College of Law and a
Daily Nebraskan columnist.
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