Arts ^Entertainment
Sky-diving Elvises fall flat in film
——___—1 -—
“Honeymoon In
Vegas”.
By Gerry Beltz
Staff Reporter
Yuck! Blcah! Ick!
The comments arc for “Honey- *
moon In Vegas” (Stuart, East Park
3), and it’s not looking good.
Nicholas Cage plays Jack
Singer, a private investigator who
promised his mother on her death
bed that he would never get mar
ried.
The years pass, and he keeps his
word, much to the chagrin of his
longtime girlfriend, Betsy (Sarah
Jessica Parker).
‘ Marriage is a disaster wailing
to happen,” Jack says.
One day, Betsy puts Jack on the
proverbial spot with the “now-or
never” approach. Surprisingly, it „
works, and the two fly off to Las
Vegas to get married.
Once in Vegas, high-stakesgam
blcrTommy Cormcn (James Caan)
catches sight of Betsy, and is in
stantly entranced. Through a flash
back, we find out that his former
companion, Donna, died of skin
cancer (loo much sun) and bore an
amazing resemblance to Betsy. One
would hope so — Parker played
both roles.
Anyway, Tommy invites Jack
to a “friendly” poker game,where
Jack ends up with a $65,000 IOU.
Of course, Tommy wants to
“help” Jack with his problem, so he
offers Jack a deal: one weekend
with Betsy in exchange for the
IOU.
Jack assumes the weekend will
be spent in Vegas, but Tommy jets
off to Hawaii with Betsy.
From there, the chase between
Tommy and Jack begins, culminat
ing back in Vegas with a troop of
sky-diving Elvises.
Yes, that’s right. Sky-diving
Elvises.
L_^_m ■ i
~ Courtesy of Columbia Pictures
Nicolas Cage, Sarah Jessica Parker and James Caan star in “Honeymoon in Vegas.”
This entire movie is clichdd,
inane and predictable from the
opening credits on. All the jokes
fall flat on their faces, but the really
bad thing is that they keep pound
ing the same bad jokes and sight
gags throughout the film.
A warning to the weak of stom
ach — this movie takes place dur
ing an Elvis look-alike contest.
Also, the soundtrack consists of
classic Presley tracks that have been
redone by modem rock icons such
as Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen
and Amy Grant.
Obscure trivia lime! The “Any
one? Anyone?” teacher from
“Ferris Bucllcr’s Day Off’ shows
up in here as a miserly, anal-rctcn
livc airline patron who blocks Jack’s
pursuit of Betsy.
Other cameo appearances in
“Honeymoon In Vegas” include
Anne Bancroft as Jack’s dying
mother, Peter Boy leas a tribal chief
with a penchant for musicals and
Pat Morita as a hustling cab driver.
While Parker is a relative new
comer to starring roles and can
chalk this one up to experience,'
Caan and Cage have been around
for a while and should have known
better.
This should not be considered a
‘Tomanticcomcdy”simply because
it ain’t romantic, and it sure as heck
ain’t funny!
One can only crapout with “Hon
eymoon In Vegas.”
Sci-fi collection
rewrites history,
JFK’s exploits
“Alternate Kennedys”
Edited by Mike Resnick
TOR Science Fiction
By Sam S. Kepfield
Staff Reporter _
In any discussion of alternate his
tory and the game of “What If?” one
inevitably turns to Nov. 22, 1963, the
day John F. Kennedy was assasinated.
Mike Rcsnick, fresh off his Hugo "■
Award for “The Manamouki,” has
now branched out into editing. “Al
ternate Kennedys” is actually his sec
ond foray into the alternate history
sub-genre — “Alternate Presidents”
appeared in January.
Alternate ivcnncuys is sen-ex
planatory but with a few surprises.
Anything having to do with the
Kennedy clan is fair game and not all
the stories arc the misty-eyed rever
ential pieces one might expect from a
Sorenson or a Schlcsingcr.
Nancy Kress’ “Eoghan” is a gen
eration-spanning talc with a prophetic
and magical touch.
Two of the most powerful and
moving tales in the book center on
Rosemary Kennedy, the mentally
challenged Kennedy sister: Alan
Rodgers and James MacDonald’s
“Rosemary: Scrambled EggsonaBluc
Plate” and “Rosemary’s Brain” by
Martha Soukop.
The now-legendary sexual ex
cesses of JFK come under scrutiny in
two pieces.
Michael P. Kubc-McDowcll ex
plores “The Inga-Binga Affair,’’areal
life liaison that a young Lt. Kennedy
had with a suspected Na/.i spy.
Charles von Rospach’s “Til Death
Do Us Part” splashes the affair be
tween Jack Kennedy and Marilyn
Monroe over the front pages.
Anothft piece is Joe Haldcm^n’s
telling of the 1960 election as a WWF
wrestling match. Brian Thomsen pic
tures future historians viewing the
assassination and aftermath, using the
National Enquirer as source material.
If you arc one of those who wor
ships the Kennedys, then you might
want to fling this book across the
room in anger or disgust.
However, if you wanta ride through
history that is alternately sentimental
and irreverent, then it’s $5 well-spent.
Rap album appealing
Fourteen-year-old strives for mature lyrics
Chi-Ali
"The Fabulous Chi-Ali”
Relativity Records
At first listen, you might wonder if
the Native Tongues posse was trying
to capitalize on the recent Kris Kross
success with 14-ycar-old rapper Chi
Ali, but by the end you realize this is
a definite Native Tongues joint.
The album was produced by Baby
Chris, the Roadmanagcr/Violator
Irom the Jungle Brothers.
The first of the album’s 14 tracks,
'Maniac Psycho”,comes off hard with
lamiliar samples from L.L. Cool J'and
Boogie Down Productions.
Several other freestyle tracks fol
low the first, including the strong
“Check My Record” and “Let the
Homs Blow,” a track with guest raps
from Phifc of A Tribe Called Quest
and Drcs from Black Sheep.
In “Roadrunncr,” co-wriucn and
rapped with Trugoy the Dove from Dc
La Soul, Chi-Ali proclaims that no
mailer how hard the others try, they
can never catch him. And you will
believe it when you hear the song’s
jazzy saxophone and bass line.
This idea shows up again in “Step
Up,” wilh Chi-Ali challenging suck
ers to try and take him out, and in
“Chi-Ali vs. Vanilla Shake,” a straight
up one-on-one rap battle.
Chi-Ali tries to tackle the subject
of girls throughout the album and
especially on “Age Ain’t Nothin’ But
A In this song, he tries to get older
girls while claiming the ones his age
aren’t mature enough.
Wilh lyrics like “Little girlie listen
tomc/Stopgigglin’ andkissin’ tome/
Try to refrain from playing the child
ish games” and “I’m not tryin’ to dis
you/I’m just tryin4 lo blow up/Bul do
me a favor, hon/and grow up,” he
seems to expect a lot from 13-and 14
year-old girls.
The weakest tracks on “The Fabu
lous Chi-Ali” were the attempts at
gangsla rap.
“Shorty Said Nah” is a song in
which Chi-Ali gets jumped by six
hoods. They struggle with a gun and
1 -» i
Chi says, “Noone tried to slop it/Until
they seen me runnin’ for the joint/I
picked it up and thought * Should I pop
it?”’
“Murder Chi Wrote’’ is especially
hard to believe. Here Chi and his
partner drink, hit the skinsand dust off
six punks one night when they visit
Harlem. These scenarios seem too
unrealistic for a 14-year-old.
Despite the weak spots, “The Fabu
lous Chi-Ali” is a strong album and
will definitely appeal to hip hop lov
ers.
— Greg Schick
Courtesy of Relativity Records
Chi-Ali’s “The Fabulous Chi-All”