Opindn
Nebraskan
Editorial Board
University of Nebraska-Lincoln
. Chris llopfensperger.Editor, 472-1766
Dionne Searcey... .Opinion Page Editor
Kris Karnopp.Managing Editor
Alan Phelps.. . Wire Editor
Wendy Navralil....Writing Coach
Stacey McKenzie... Senior Reporter
Jeremy Fitzpatrick :...Columnist
Final Warning
Grace period for illegal parking ending
I nivcisity of Ncbraska-Lincoln police have given their final
_ . V/warning.
* • < >
- From here on out, violators will be punished for their parking sins.
UNL police issued a grace period for students parked illegally
during the first few days of classes. Violators were given warnings
rather than citations. *
But the warning period, designed to educate new students of
university parking rules, is officially over.
Students can again look forward to adding to their slack of unpaid
tickets.
Michael Cacak, interim parking administrator, encouraged stu
dents to solve their parking woes by purchasing permits for remote
lots.
The remote lots arc at 14th and New Hampshire streets, Court
Street between 17th and 14th streets, and a lot on the west side of 17th
Street, south of the Dcvaney Sports Center.
Spaces arc still available in these lots, he said. Shuttle buses slop /
in the remote lots about every 12 minutes to transport student within
a block of their destinations.
Cacak said parking permits for remote lots cost $37 less than in
commuter lots closer to campus. He called remote parking a big
advantage.
“It’s the best deal,” he said. “It’s hassle-free; all you have to do is
just drive and park.”
' The key to the problem is much simpler.
Don’t drive.
Off-campus students lend to think they need a car to make it to
class. Such students should examine their options.
All they really need is a bike or a bus schedule.
Local buses run throughout the city. Buses arc available for
elderly and disabled students and faculty.
Most of the buses run no later than 7 p.m.
But more and more commuters arc getting smart and riding their
bikes to class.
Lincoln drivers arc adjusting lodriving alongside bikers, and most
local side streets arc wide enough for bikers to ride safely.
But even environmentally safe biking is not without its problems.
Bicyclists must fight daily for space to squeeze their bikes into a
rack.
Bicyclists arc forced lo park in remote lots of their own. Many
bicyclists lock their bikes on the outskirts of campus lo avoid the
swarm of students when classes end.
Pedestrians and bicyclists often battle it out on narrow sidewalks
and pathways.
The university needs lo create a more bicycle-friendly campus.
Money that UNL plugs into the paychecks of parking-meter
readers should go toward the installation of more bike racks across
campus.
Crowded racks should be replaced with more accessible racks.
Administrators should design special bike paths on campus
instead of fretting about paving new parking lots.
Biking or taking the bus is a logical solution lo a problem that need
not exist.
UNL officials who spend hours searching for the answer lo
parking problems arc obviously on the wrong track.
The Daily Nebraskan welcomes brief letters to the editor from all readers and interested others.
Letters will be selected for publication on the basis of clarity, originality, timeliness and space
available. The Daily Nebraskan retains the right to edit or reject all material submitted. Readers
„ a'so arc welcome to submit material as guest opinions. The editor decides whether material
should run as a guest opinion. Letters and guest opinions sent to the newspaper become the
properly of the Daily Nebraskan and cannot be returned. Anonymous submissions will not be
published. Letters should included the author's name, year in school, major and group
affiliation, if any. Requests to withhold names will not be granted. Submit material to the Daily
Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska Union, 140() R St., Lincoln, Neb. 68581J-0448.
Staff editorials represenuhe official policy of the Fall 1992 Daily Nebraskan. Policy is set by
the Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board. Editorials do not necessarily reflect the views of the
university, its employees, the students or the NU Board of Regents. Editorial columrts represent
the opinion of the author. The regents publish the Daily Nebraskan. They establish the UNL
Publications Board to supervise the daily production of the paper. According to policy set by
the regents, responsibility for the editorial content of the newspaper lies solely in the hands of
its students.
>
"•* u<- \ •
Stay calm - this is only a test
his is a test.
I am beginning year No. 5 at
this institution.
One might think that in time I
would have learned many new and
wonderful things and maybe had a
divine revelation or two.
If I have, I don’t remember. I can’t
even list all the
classes I’ve
taken without
looking at my
transcript.
But I’ve
learned one
thing: How to
take a test.
I’ve taken
essays and
multiple
choice tests. I’ve taken them after
days of studying and after 15 minutes
of cramming. I’ve taken them with
eight hours of sleep, and I’ve taken
them with an eight-aspirin hangover.
I’m pretty good at it by now. After
all, I’ve had four years of practice.
The trick is to know just enough
about the subject to blunder your way
through the lough parts.
Just like real life.
This is a lest of the University
Bored-casting System. If this were an
actual exam, your professor would
instruct you to pul your notes and
Daily Nebraskan under your seals,
grab your pens, sit down and shut up,
please, thank you.
This is a test to show that while
college life and real life may be differ
ent, they both boil down to finding the
right answer. And a little luck.
Remember, this is only a test.
1. You have just finished high
school. Your future is a shimmering
road before you leading to some un
known destination. You should:
A. Rely on yourdiploma and God
given talent and find a job, asking
importantqucstions like: “Would you
like fries with that, ma’am?”
B. Go to college hnd pursue and
degree in medieval handwriting analy
sis, and later in your career, ask deep
and meaningful questions like:
“Would you like fries with that,
ma’am?”
_ C. Live the vacuous life of a
spoiled fast-lane floozy, sponging off
your parents and pausing only to pon
der: “Do 1 want fries with that?”
D. Get off your bull, get some
student loans, gel 4 job, get to the
university, and sperfd your hard-won
class hours saying: “Boy, I wish I
could afford someTfries.”
2. Having financially battled your
way to the university, you set out on
your first day, schedule in one hand,
map in the other, to find your classes.
No one told you that all large brick
buildings look the same and that the
signs labeling them are all hidden in
the back because the administration
wants college to be a challenge. How
do you find your classes?
A. Pick a hall, any hall, poke your
head in every door and say: “Hi, is this
University Foundations 101?”
B. Wander around aimlessly until
someone notices you are lost. After*
all, this is Nebraska and there arc
people everywhere who will bend
over backwards to help you out.
C. Stand on the grass and pray for
the hand of God to point to your
building.
D. Tough it out, follow your map
and your instincts, and end up some
where on East Campus, where the
building hunt is even more challeng
ing.
} **
3. The plural of syllabus is:
A. Syllabuses
B. Syllabi
C. Sylla-whats?
D. Scratch papers
4. So you find your class. The
professor passes out the syllabus, syl
labi, whatever, and begins lecturing.
Ynn
A. Write down everything he says,
including the “um”s, “weir’s, and
“now thcn”s.
B. Kick back and doodle on your
syllabus. After all, the test isn’t for
three weeks.
C. For women only: Sit in the front
row. Stare alluringly at your profes
sor, cross your legs, and
pout seductively. It’s fun to make a
50-year-old balding man sweat in front
of a large audience.
D. For men only: Sit in the front
row. Stare alluringly at your profes- *
sor, cross your legs, and pout seduc
tively. It’s fun to make your class
mates who answered “A” fill their
notes with “um”s, “wcll”s, and “now
lhcn’’s.
5. You’vcdccidcdyourclassschcd
ulc needs a little rearranging. Which
is the proper Drop/Add procedure?
A. Gel a time card, gel some
papers processed, get your new sched
ule, gel out. No problem.
B. Wait in line, gel a time card,
wail in line, get some papers pro
cessed, wait some more, whoops, pa
pers were filled out wrong, wail in
line, get new papers processed, wail,
whoops, class is now closed, wait in
line....
•C. Wait in line, gel a time card,
discover you can’t make it at that
lime, wail in line, gel a new timecard,
can’t make it then either, wail in line,
M .
L.i V ' _ I
get a new card, hold it, this one’s
dated 1994, wait in line
D. Bribe the volunteer ladies $20
to “grease the wheel” a little.
6. After only a week of classes,
you find yourself with no cash to pay
rent, eat, or (gasp) buy beer. You
should:
A. Whine to your parents that you
need more money because you arc,
like, living your own life now.
B. Whine to the bloodsuckers at
the plasma center that although you ’ ve
opened your veins four times this
week already, you just need a little
more money for rent.
C. Whine to the bloodsuckers at
financial aid that although you’ve al
ready got a fortune in loans, you just
have to have some fries.
D. Get a job. If you already have
one, get another one. Nobody likes a
whiner.
7. You have opted to live off
campus and drive to class every day.
You should:
A. Leave home at 7:45 a.m., even
though you don’t have class until
10:30 a.m., so you’ll be sure to get a
great parking space. Early bird gets
the worm, you know!
B. Leave home 20 minutes before
your 10:30 a.m. class, so you can
cruise the parking lots until 10:29
a.m., when you finally find a space
somewhere near Iowa.
C. Leave home 5 minutes before
your 10:30 a.m. class, so you can pull
up in front of a sign that says, “No
parking. We mean it!’’They wouldn’t
dare low you; after all, there’s no
place else to park at this university.
D. Drive a tow truck,-c
8. Now for the big question. You’ve
made it through years of boring
classes, big expenses, bad parking
and lousy coffee. You arc about to
graduate and dive head first into “the
real world.” You should:
A. Pray
B. Pray
C. Pray
D. Go to graduate school.
And now for the answers. At UNL,
there arc no answers, only many shim
mering roads we can choose to fol
low. Unfortunately, the shine is olten
just fresh tar to make the road stickier
and trickier, but much more interest
ing. "
Such is life.
Remember, it’s only a test.
Pan I man is a senior news-editorial and his
tory major and a photographer and colum
nist for the Daily Nebraskan.
