MARK BALDRIDGE
Perot write-in campaign livens election circus
Second, a write-in
campaign of ativ
strength, regardless
of Hi success or
failure, mil send a
message to Washing
ton laud and clear:
We’re tired of the
same old crqpl_
Whal? No H. Ross Perol?
In the aftermath of the party con
ventions and with Dan Quaylc now
firm ly in the Rcpubl ican co-pi lot seat,
what have we left to look forward to?
Maybe Dan Rather will have an
J aneurysm.
Other than that entertaining pros
pect, we have only fathomless elec
tion hype to gel us to November.
No, for my money, H. Ross is still
the man to beat and I intend to devote
the remainder of my autumn to put
ting him in office, by force if neces
sary.
Come November, there’s gonna
be some changes, yep.
I hereby call for a mass-grass-roots
campaign, subversive and illicit as
sin, to write-in the man. Wc’U drag
him kicking and screaming to the
While House if we have to. But 1 bet
we won’t have to.
Just look at him. Here’s a guy who
could buy his own little country if the
whim took him and run it any way he
wants. But he’s a patriot, sec? He
wants to “Buy American.’’
Or wanted to. So what happened?
Thai’s the only thing that worries
me — what became of our Golden
Boy?
I have some terrible suspicions.
And, if I’m right, it may already be
loo late.
Figure it out. The guy literally
can’t be bought, not with money
anyway — no one has the pocket
change.
H. Ross is “the man with every
thing,” definitely hard to shop for.
But he wants Power. Not the ordi
nary power that being the richest man
in America gels you. Perot wants Power
with a capital Pow and once pinned
his hopes on the presidency to gel it.
I fear that he’s already been taken
by a higher bidder.
1 picture a meeting, midway to
November and a mandate, in which
Our Hero learns what some have always
suspected: that the world is secretly
run by a group of 13 powerful and
shadowy men (does anyone doubt
they’re all men? — and all ugly, at
least as ugly as H. Ross: hence the
shadows).
Our Hero, until now pure of heart,
is tempted and falls.
He’s invited to join this fraternity,
unknowing that he is merely the toady
and pawn of still more ruthless and
ugly men who secretly direct his newly
found secret brotherhood.
These other men are manipulated
by still others — perhaps aliens —
unspeakably ugly. And the veils re
cede into the dim and occult distance.
If this has happened, then the H.
Ross Perot we knew and loved is
effectively no more. He will have
been already absorbed into the abso
lute power brokerage that corrupts
absolutely.
All my plans to elect him by write
in will go for nothing — his new
“friends” can’t allow one of their
number to hold so limiting a public
office as president.
But the campaign will not have
been in vain.
First, it may nave succeeded in
unmasking the conspiracy that runs
the world.
Second, a write-in campaign of
any strength, regardless of its success
or failure, will send a message to
Washington loud and clear: We re
tired of the same old crap!
The least they can do is think of
some entirely new crap — buy new
image makers, speech writers, ad
people — anything.
And last, a large enough write-in
effort will succeed in doing the only
thing that H. Ross ever could have
done.
It will keep the promise made by
the man so many looked to as the
savior of American politics: Ease the
boredom of election year.
Because the circus of a televised
democracy is probably inevitable by
now — too laic to change.
Only a lot of us think it’s time to
send in the clowns.
Baldridge Is a senior English major and a
)aily Nebraskan editor.
David Badders/DN
1
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