The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, June 18, 1992, Summer, Page 5, Image 5

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    The definition of a nerd: knowing the three phases
On March 20, 1992, I was
blessed with the ever-awaited
coming of age. Since then,
I’ve spent a great portion of my eve
nings in that formerly-forbidden ter
ritory, commonly known as the Lin
coln bars. Although I did enjoy my
first few episodes of bar hopping,
once the novelty wore off, I realized
how disappointed I was in the bar
scene. This is mainly due to the clien
tele.
Most people are able to solve this
dt>lem by narrowing down their
gout spots to those select few
places where they can find people
from their preferred social circles. I
have never been so lucky. In fact, I’ve
found that there arc representatives
from every social circle who share an
annoying common denominator.
Until recently, I could never quite
put my finger on it. Then a few weeks
ago, a friend introduced me to the
Three Phases of nerddom and every
rning seemea 10 ian into place.
Phase One: You’re a nerd. C’mon,
admit it!-If you’re like most of us,
you’ve been there. You probably
started out thinking that nothing was
wrong with you, but other people
soon let you know that, no matter
what you did, you were a nerd.
Maybe you studied a little loo hard,
maybe your socks just didn’t quite
match, or maybe, no matter how
friendly and interesting you tried to
be, you were just plain socially
clueless.
Once you realized this, you could
no longer be the happy-go-lucky ec
centric you once were. Insecurities
and self-doubt developed and domi
nated your personality. You began
beating yourself in the buU for being
a nerd but knew that it wouldn’t make
any difference. You were destined to
be a nerd.
Eventually, all nerds get tired of
beating themselves up and passively
accepting their nerd status. Hence,
Phase Two.
Phase Two: The period of over
compcnsalion. This is ihc lime when
you sci oul lo prove lo ihc world lhal
you’re nola nerd; ihc lime when you
firmly resolve lhal you, yes you, arc
going lo be COOL and ihc world is
going lo know about it.
Some identifying details of a nerd
in Phase Two arc ihcir passion for
being surrounded by the right people
and ihe attitude of gracing others with
their presence. Phase Two-ers arc
everywhere, but the best place to run
into them is at parties.
They’re the ones who can’l speak
five words without throwing in a ref
crcncc to ihcir pol ilical Iy correct views
(not to mention their artistic aware
ness). PhaseTwo-ers pride themselves
on dressing creatively, but own noth
ing that isn’t black, and they never let
you forget just how drunk they arc
that evening, unless they’re recount
ing details of every other drunken
episode they’ve had in the past five
years.
As annoying as these behaviors
may seem, they arc very effective.
Nobody recognizes a Phase Two-eras
that once-upon-a-limc nerd. Nobody,
that is, except people in Phase Three.
Phase Three: The end result. You
no longer have that burning desire to
—■—sssssss
prove yourself. You arc free to behave
as you choose without the constant
fear that someone may suspect you as
a nerd. "* 1
In Phase Three you just want to
amuse yourself. You’re just out to
have a good lime. Unlike the Phase
Two-er who claims not to care what
other’s think, but whose behavior is
dictated by others, a person in Phase
Three is self-motivated. It doesn’t
matter if nobody is amused or im
pressed by them, as long as they’re
enjoying themselves. One of the pluses
of Phase Three is that it gives you a
licence to regress back to Phases One
and Two at will.
' ...
As an cx-Phasc Two-cr, you know
that a Phase Two-cr’s greatest fear is
that others in this phase might be (oh
my god!) pulling itoff better than they
arc. This makes it very enjoyable to
try to out-altitude a Phase Two-cr and
watch their anxiety when they realize
that you’re onto their game.
And as for regress ing back to Phase
One, what’s wrong with being a nerd
once in awhile? Nerds, like Phase
Threc-crs, have no need for inhibi
tions. And as a friend once told me
“Inhibitions out, impulses in!”
Katherine Audi is a senior English major
and a Daily Nebraskan columnist.
rnpj