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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (June 18, 1992)
The definition of a nerd: knowing the three phases On March 20, 1992, I was blessed with the ever-awaited coming of age. Since then, I’ve spent a great portion of my eve nings in that formerly-forbidden ter ritory, commonly known as the Lin coln bars. Although I did enjoy my first few episodes of bar hopping, once the novelty wore off, I realized how disappointed I was in the bar scene. This is mainly due to the clien tele. Most people are able to solve this dt>lem by narrowing down their gout spots to those select few places where they can find people from their preferred social circles. I have never been so lucky. In fact, I’ve found that there arc representatives from every social circle who share an annoying common denominator. Until recently, I could never quite put my finger on it. Then a few weeks ago, a friend introduced me to the Three Phases of nerddom and every rning seemea 10 ian into place. Phase One: You’re a nerd. C’mon, admit it!-If you’re like most of us, you’ve been there. You probably started out thinking that nothing was wrong with you, but other people soon let you know that, no matter what you did, you were a nerd. Maybe you studied a little loo hard, maybe your socks just didn’t quite match, or maybe, no matter how friendly and interesting you tried to be, you were just plain socially clueless. Once you realized this, you could no longer be the happy-go-lucky ec centric you once were. Insecurities and self-doubt developed and domi nated your personality. You began beating yourself in the buU for being a nerd but knew that it wouldn’t make any difference. You were destined to be a nerd. Eventually, all nerds get tired of beating themselves up and passively accepting their nerd status. Hence, Phase Two. Phase Two: The period of over compcnsalion. This is ihc lime when you sci oul lo prove lo ihc world lhal you’re nola nerd; ihc lime when you firmly resolve lhal you, yes you, arc going lo be COOL and ihc world is going lo know about it. Some identifying details of a nerd in Phase Two arc ihcir passion for being surrounded by the right people and ihe attitude of gracing others with their presence. Phase Two-ers arc everywhere, but the best place to run into them is at parties. They’re the ones who can’l speak five words without throwing in a ref crcncc to ihcir pol ilical Iy correct views (not to mention their artistic aware ness). PhaseTwo-ers pride themselves on dressing creatively, but own noth ing that isn’t black, and they never let you forget just how drunk they arc that evening, unless they’re recount ing details of every other drunken episode they’ve had in the past five years. As annoying as these behaviors may seem, they arc very effective. Nobody recognizes a Phase Two-eras that once-upon-a-limc nerd. Nobody, that is, except people in Phase Three. Phase Three: The end result. You no longer have that burning desire to —■—sssssss prove yourself. You arc free to behave as you choose without the constant fear that someone may suspect you as a nerd. "* 1 In Phase Three you just want to amuse yourself. You’re just out to have a good lime. Unlike the Phase Two-er who claims not to care what other’s think, but whose behavior is dictated by others, a person in Phase Three is self-motivated. It doesn’t matter if nobody is amused or im pressed by them, as long as they’re enjoying themselves. One of the pluses of Phase Three is that it gives you a licence to regress back to Phases One and Two at will. ' ... As an cx-Phasc Two-cr, you know that a Phase Two-cr’s greatest fear is that others in this phase might be (oh my god!) pulling itoff better than they arc. This makes it very enjoyable to try to out-altitude a Phase Two-cr and watch their anxiety when they realize that you’re onto their game. And as for regress ing back to Phase One, what’s wrong with being a nerd once in awhile? Nerds, like Phase Threc-crs, have no need for inhibi tions. And as a friend once told me “Inhibitions out, impulses in!” Katherine Audi is a senior English major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. rnpj
