SEAN GREEN __
Even clowns losing humor
The clowns are mad as hell and
they aren’t going to take it any
more.
According to The Associated Press,
clowns all over the country arc tear
ing out their orange hair over an out
break of clown-bashing, including the
most recent offense, Shakes the Clow n.
“Shakes the Clown" is an upcom
ing film starring comedian Bob Goldlh
wait as a “boozing bozo w ith a coke
snorting pal named Binky." The AP
reported.
“They give clowns a bad name,"
Joe Barney, a clown for 20 years,
said. “This is something we feel very
strongly about. When we’re in ma
keup, we don’t drink or smoke or
swear. . . . Once we put on the ma
keup, we’re in character.”
Goldthwait retaliated with even
more clown-bashing.
“I don’t think clowns arc funny,”
he said. “No kids think they’re funny.
That’s why clowns arc always play
ing hospitals — the kids can’t get up
and run away.”
He also said, “It’s pretty easy to
step on somebody’sloes w hen they’re
sporting size 32 longs."
The main group protesting the
clow n-bashing is Clowns of America
International, a conglomeration of
5,(XX) clowns.
My first reaction to this news was
“Damn! Still another group ol disad
vantaged, downtrodden individuals I
can't make fun of any more. Oh. alas.
Shall I ever be politically correct?”
Well, probably not, but that's be
side the point.
The point is, the clowns have done
us a favor. They have shown us how
close America is to becoming a na
tion made up entirely of crybabies,
squeaky w heels arid attorney s.
That greasepaint they're wearing
must be sending vapors into their
brains, or maybe their noses are on
too tight.
The Clowns of America Interna
tional point to vHher examples of clown
bashing.
Homey the Clown, a character on
the Fox Network's program “In Liv
ing Color," is famous for hitting chil
dren on the head and say ing, “Homey
don’t play that."
Pennywise liie Clow n, from Stephen
King’s novel “It,” is the most evil of
the pranksters. He not only hits chil
dren on the head, he eats them for
dinner.
And Krusty the Clow n. a character
from “The Simpsons," smokes, drinks,
gambles and hales children.
_U isn't hard to imagine what this
year's convention of the Clowns of
America International w ill be like.
Alter the clowns climb outol their
Volkswagen* and exchange a few
punches with giant rubber hammers,
they’ll probably paint on frownly faces
and talk about Krusly, Pennywise,
Homey and Shakes until the stripper
shows up.
1 always thought H anyone could
lake a joke, n would ho a clown.
Consider these statements:
A) Clow ns make fun of others.
B) Clowns don’t like having fun
poked at them.
Now imagine your second-grade
teacher saying. "Homey can dish it
out, but Homey can’t dish n in. You
dissin' me, Homey ?”
Alcoholic, womanizing guys with
red noses arc not (he problem. The
problem is that clowns, and every
body else, can’t take a joke. They
think characters such as Krusly the
Clown give them a had image.
Right. Thanks to all this clown
hushing. my image of clow ns is ru
ined. Rest assured HI never vote lor
a clown again, or ask one to do my
taxes.
Maura Nelson, public relations
director lor Ringling Bros, and Bamum
& Bailey Circus, also spoke out against
clow n-hashing,
’‘Naturally, we w ish clowns were
portrayed in a bctlcr light, she said.
Of course, u won’t be long before
Bearded Women ol America Intcrna
uonal and The League of Sword
Swallowers jump on die bandwagon.
All of this complaining by clowns
will result in yet another revision of
our vocabularies and lifestyles.
Before long, the boss who flip
pantly tells his or her co-workers to
“quit clowning around’’ will bc,given
stares of disapproval and be labeled
politically incorrect.
We will have words such as
clownism and the humorously disad
vantaged.
All of the doors in public buildings
will have to be widened so clowns
can walk through without tripping
over their feet.
It will become mandatory that
bathroom stalls havesquirting-flower
dispensers and makeup mirrors, with
extra greasepaint available in the
lounge.
Clowns will ask for (and receive)
federal dollars for campaigns to im
prove their image. Congress will pass
laws making it mandatory to have a
clown perform for at least one office
party a year.
And, in an effort to belter under
stand the plight of clowns, Phil Do
nahue will have himself shot out of a
cannon.
Yes, the clowns have proven wc
arc a nation of crybabies who can’t
lake a joke and who take ourselves
too seriously.
They have also proven, as I’ve
suspected all along, that cramming
yourself into a small automobile w ith
50 other clowns probably results in a
shortage of oxygen to the brain and
eventually permanem damage.
Maybe clowns arc saying it’s time
wc slopped poking fun at each other
and started w orking together to build
a worldofdi versified individuals who
love each other for their differences
and live together in harmony and peace.
If that's what clowns are saying,
they're starting to sound a lot like
Democrats, and it's no secret how
boring they are.
I'm not saying a world of peace
and harmony wouldn i be nice (or
boring), but it will never exist. And if
wc can’t have perfection, wc should
at least be allowed to laugh at our
imperfections.
It’s not surprising to sec clowns
join the millions who have decided
they don’t like being made fun of
anymore, or portrayed in a bad light.
Clowns love attention.
It’s OK to want some measure of
respect and professional dignity and
it's no surprise the clowns are upset
by Homey and Krusty and Shakes.
But the w hen the clowns stop laugh
ing, and 'dart whining, it's time take
aw ay their toys and send them to bed
— with the rest of the crybabies.
Croon is a senior neus-editorial major
and a Daily Nebraskan senior reporter and
columnist.
Gay genetics are theory only
This letter is in response to the
latest pseudo-column that Chris Hal
ligan has written for the DN (“Ge
netic finding to rock society,” DN,
March 4). Most of Mr. Halligan’s
sophomoric ramblings have been
harmless and just mildly irritating.
His latest article dealing with the
theory that homosexuality may be
% genetic w as ridiculous and showed
how little he researches each of his
columns. He begins by quoting the
title of the article that was in the
Feb. 24 issue of Newsweek (“Is
this child gay?”). That seems to be
the extent of his research into this
topic. If Mr. Halligan had bothered
to read the article he would have
found out that this is just a theory.
There arc many people, homosex
ual and heterosexual, who have
contended for years that being gay
is not a choice but something that
people arc bom with. Mr. Halligan
apparently decided to write his
article based on the title of the
Newsweek article rather than do
the smallest bit of research. This
theory is largely based on the work
of Simon LcVay, a neuroscientist
at the Salk Institute in La Jolla,
Calif., w ho examined the brains of
41 cadavers, including 19 homo
sexual men. He found that the small
area in the brain that is believed
to control sexual activity was “less.
than half the size in the gay men
than in the heterosexuals.” This
is basically the first evidence of
what some people have thought
for a long time. It is accepted as
fact by only a small number of
the specialists in this area. Mr.
Halligan has been caught before
writing columns without looking
into the topic. The article he wrote
about AIDS being the “popular”
disease and no money was being
spent by the government to re
search cancer, heart disease, or
diabetes had so little factual in
formation in it that it was not
even worth reading. Other issues
he has tackled, such as racism,
being physically handicapped and
numerous others only bring to
my mind one word: ignorance.
The definition of the word is: the
state of being unaware or unin- *
formed. Please, Mr. Halligan, if
you arc going to continue writ
ing, which I do not think you
should, do justa little bit of home
work before you get yourself in
trouble.
Mark Orr
senior
economics
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Ad not enough to cause moral problem
I am writing in response to Mi
chael Lilly’s letter of March 5 ("Play
boy ad weakens the will,’” DN). Mr.
Lilly, your personal vote for censor
ship holds no water.
In a physical sense, we share this
world. Although wcarc free tochoosc
our course, others can and do intrude,
often several limes a day. But in a
mental (or spiritual, if you prefer)
scasc, we do each have our own worlds,
unburdened by others. The mind is
the realm of the will, Mr. Lilly, and
each of us decides what and how
much we let in. If our wills arc as
strong in practice (not ‘‘submitting”
to pornography) as-in concept (the
‘‘moral” concept that pornography is
‘‘wrong"), then newspaper ads that
show- less flesh than most swimsuit or
underwear circulars will not . .impede
the w ill so much that every time it
comes in contact with such barriers it
must choose the inclination.”
In fact, as the cover model in this
ad was doubly shielded by a costume
and a further ad insert, the only test to
your “God-given free will” I can find
is the periodical title “Playboy.” If
this is a .. sexually inclined barrier
that impedes its (the will’s) original
decision,” how do you survive in our
society? Playboy car fresheners, por
nographic magazines in every con
venience store and the dreaded Sports
Illustrated swimsuit videos on cable
television must make your life a veri
tablehcll in w hich your“w ill is in fact
not free anymore.”
Finally, Mr. Lilly, I have never
seen a “newsworthy” advertisement
in my life. The jewelry, liquor, tan
ning and spring break ads that con
stantly grace the pages of our campus
daily arc what allow the editors to
communicate to us without charging
us.
If your will is so weak that a
“sexually explicit advertisement” (ha!)
of this nature is too great a “barrier”
for you to “choose correctly,” you
have two choices: continue your
“aversion ... to viewing pornographic
material” by turning the page, or buy
up all the DN’s ad space until you
graduate.
Eric C. Odgaard
junior
criminal justice
High school section not representative
I would like to express my reac
tions to the Diversions section of last
Thursday’s paper. What’s the big deal
about Lincoln High? We are college
students from all over the United States
and from other countries. What do
those of us from other places really
care about Lincoln High? Sure, it’s a
neat concept playing off “Beverly
Hills 90210,” but why no’ do one
based on “Roscannc" r “The
Simpsons" 6r even "The Ren and
Stimpy Show"?
Alter reading it I felt the message
the section was trying to convey was
‘if youdidnigotoLincoln High,you
went to a backwoods, one-room school
house and nobody ever did anything
important in it.” The Diversions
sounded like it should belong in a
high school yearbook and not a col
lege newspaper.
Sure, they may be human interest
stories, but do they really interest the
students of UNL (besides the alumni
of Lincoln High)? If they do, then I
am in the wrong, but this is just my
opinion. By the way, when do we get
to see Loomis High 68958?
Scott Childers
freshman
computer science
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