SEAN GREEN
Registration hellish ordeal
Each March and October stu
dents at UNL are forced to
endure what amounts to cruel
and unusual punishment at the hands
of the administration.
This punishment euphemistically
is called class registration.
Because I graduate this May (at
least in theory), 1 don’t have toendure
this torture. Others are not so lucky.
The University of Ncbraska-Lin
coln tries to make the process as pain
less as possible. Or maybe they make
it as painful as possible — I forget.
For the benefit of those who have
yet to register for classes here, I briefly
will summarize the process of regis
tering for classes.
Each student is given a packet
with all kinds of crap in it, most of
which gets lostor accidentally thrown
away. A newspaper is inside with
page after page of tiny, illegible print.
Be warned about the print in these
newspapers. Because it is so small, a
student may think he or she is regis
tering for a class but might instead be
registering for a strand of his or her
roommate’s hair.
A class description guide also tells
students a little bit about the classes
they are choosing.
A typical class description might
read:
“Theories of Greek H istory 202—
an advanced history course examin
ing the political, artistic and philo
sophical figures of Ancient Greece.
Prerequisite — Greek History 101.”
It would be unfair to call these
class descriptions bald-faced lies. It
would be unfair, but not untrue. A
more accurate description of a class
might read differently.
“Theories of Greek History 202 —
a living hell. You will be expected to
know the name of every person that
ever lived in Ancient Greece. You
will have to read the Iliad and the
Odyssey (again!) and memorize key
sections.
“In addition, you will have to write
12 term papers and present atJcast 10
of them to the class. You will have to
learn to speak and read Greek.
“The final is comprehensive, worth
95 percent of your total grade and is
made up of one essay question.
“Prerequisites — you must have
brain damage to even consider taking
this class.”
There arc other approaches to
writing class descriptions of course.
College administrators could learn a
lot from those who write the plot
summaries on the back of movie rent
als.
For example:
Be warned about the
print in these news
papers. Because it is
so small. a student
ma\ think he or she
is registering for a
class but might in
stead be registering
for a strand of his or
her roommate's
hair, __
“Theories of Greek 202 — Siskcl
and Ebcri give this exciting adven
ture in learning two thumbs up. It’s
another madcapday in the lives of our
ancient Greek ancestors, and you can
be there to sec it.
“The laughs arc non-stop as Pro
fessor Finbinster (from Night of the
Living Dead and Western Civiliza
tion 101) lakes you on a hilarious tour
of Ancient Greece. Guest lecturers
include Helen of Troy, played by
Julia Roberts (Pretty Woman), and
Aristotle, played by Kevin Costner
(Robin Hood).
“The tests arc easy, the lectures
outrageous and there is no homework
— EVER!
“And, you just may meet that spe
cial someone you’ve been searching
for all your life! Prerequisite — be
ready to howl.
“‘1 laughed, I cried, 1 got an A!’ —
The New York Times.”
Registering for classes also is a
nightmare because chances arc good
that things will go wrong. Forget to
Fill out one oval, and you’ll be spend
ing time in drop-add hell.
Drop-add is usually in the Ad
ministration Building, but they move
it up to the second lloor of the Ne
braska Union when business is espe
cially good.
Drop-add also is proof that there
arc worse things in this world than a
visit to the dentist or the gas chamber.
Other things can go wrong with
registration.
It is common at this time of the
year for college students to have night
mares about those things, and it also
is possible for those nightmares to
come true.
Most of my fears involve gradu
ation.
I am convinced that I will get a
letter two weeks before graduation
day informing me I forgot all about a
12-hour geology requirement.
Someday students will be register
ing by phone, computer or fax ma
chine, and all of the paperwork we do
now will be another thing we can
complain about to our grandchildren
to make them feel like lazy, insolent
cretins.
At Northwest Missouri State Uni
versity, in Maryville, Mo., students
already arc using computers to help
them register.
Northwest has a computerized
campus, meaning each residence hall
room and fraternity house has a
computer hooked up to the univer
sity’s mainframe.
When class registration rolls around,
the students call up the classes they
want to take and see if they are open,
who leaches the class and how many
scats still arc available in the class.
However, the process is not com
pletely computerized. Students only
use the computer to help them select
classes, not actually to register for
them. To register, they must stand in
long lines and wait for a university
employee to type their class selec
tions into the computer.
When I was attending that univer
sity, I never understood exactly why
they didn’t let the students type in
their own class selections, but I didn’t
understand a lot of things about North
west.
As an individual student, it’s easy
to complain about the process, espe
cially for me because I complain for a
living. But the task of getting 25,000
students registered for classes proba
bly leads to a whole different set of
complaints, such as, “Why can ’ t these
idiots read directions?” and “Fill in
the ovals with a No. 2 pencil — which
word don’t you understand?”
The only good part about register
ing for classes is that it ends, eventu
ally— if you’re lucky. The only thing
to do is get it over with as quickly as
possible and hope you don’t wind up
in a class from hell.
Green is a senior news-editorial major, a
Daily Nebraskan senior reporter and a col
umnist
Federal funding of arts pathetically meager
I wish to take issue with some of
the points made by Mark Fahlcson in
his column tilled “Federal funding of
arts luftacy,” which appeared in the
Feb. 28 issue of the Daily Nebraskan.
First, let me admit to a certain bias as
a musician and as a member of the
NEA’s Choral Panel. Secondly, let
me admit to being conservative enough
to agree with Mr. Fahlcson’s dismay
at what we both feci have been some
unfortunate funding decisions made
by the Endowment.
The arts, owing to their creative
birth process, arc certainly judged
with great amounts of subjectivity
while criticism has always made the
arts scene livelier. But Mr. Fahleson,
his three years of legal training not
withstanding, seems to eschew ob
jectivity altogether in attacking all
the arts with the broad stroke of his
journalistic brush. Labeling sympho
nies and operas as “innocuous” and
wondering “Whatever happened to
Norman Rockwell?” give all-loo-clear
a picture of his meager artistic sym
pathies. Would he tarnish the reputa
tion of the entire legal profession
because of a small number of lawyers
who arc admitted lo the bar and then
revealed to be unethical in carrying
out their duties?
The monies expended for the
Mapplethorpe exhibit (of which the
most-publicized photographs repre
sented a minuscule portion of the
entire show) and the Serrano urine
submerged crucifix, while controver
sial and, in my opinion, misguided,
represented a minor fraction of the
Endowment’s total annual budget. The
Endowment helps to support the afore
mentioned symphonies and opera
companies, emerging jazz groups,
folkloric groups that promote the music
of our own native peoples, compos
ers, visual artists and dance troupes
among others. Many of the Endow
ment’s funding decisions are based
on an individual’s ora group’s proven
abilities to hone its fund-raising and
managerial skills. Endowment awards
are hardly “free lunches” and, in most
cases, are very modest. The $250,000
that went toward “Tongues Untied”
is a drop in the bucket compared to
the production cost of practically any
type of movie and reflects “real world”
budgets (much the same way a com
puter science professor earns tens of
thousands of dollars more than a music
professor). As a case in point, the
Endowment’s total budget for ama
teur, semi-professional and profes
sional choirs this year was $238,000.
And don’t think the word “profes
sional” means you can actually cam a
living from thisartistic pursuit! Might
I suggest that labeling “Tongues
Untied” as “profane” reflects Mr.
Fahleson’s moral, rather than artistic,
views and seriously compromises his
objectivity as a journalist?
1 would also remind Mr. Fahlcson
that Sen. Proxmire often targeted the
armed forces and other governmental
agencies for his “Golden Fleece”
awards. Let’s face it: our Mapple
thorpes and Serranos arc their high
priced toilet seals, grossly inflated K
Mart hammers, and other outrageous
cost overruns. And while Mr. Fahle
son has every right to take issue with
Lee Brozgold’s “40 Patriots/Count
less Americans,” what is his opinion
of the “Post Office art” one can find
throughout our nation of muscled while
men driving golden spikes or leading
wagon trains, their wives cowering in
the background in covered wagons or
busy in the cook tent, being served by
Black or Oriental workers while si
multaneously being attacked by ma
rauding Native Americans? How
politically correct would that be to
day? Times change. Tastes change.
We need only cast our eyes across
the Atlantic where European govern
ments support orchestras, choirs, opera
companies and other artistic endeav
ors with a generosity totally unknown
in this country. Why? There is simply
a sense of persevering civilization
and culture that is inbred in Europe.
Even in the former Soviet Union and
its satellites, govemmcntally subsi
dized, low-priced tickets lo arts events
gave many people glimmers of hap
piness, well-being and even a sense
of freedom in otherwise dismal lives.
I, for one, will see a better day
dawning when a municipality can point
to its art museum, the size of its
library, or the reputation of its sym
phony orchestra and community thea
ter with the same pride exhibited for
its domed sports behemoth.
James Hejduk
associate professor
music
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