CHRIS HALLIGAN
ASUN election drama descends
s nara 10 oencve tne amjin
student elections are upon us,
like dark clouds on what could
otherwise be a sunny day.
It’s time for the Association of
Students at the University of Nebraska
elections (or AS UN Greek Elections
if you prefer), the time of year when
our university encourages individu
als to fabricate, beguile and railroad
the student body and to legitimize
those individuals through newsprint
and debate, the time of year when
students begin to feel claustrophobic
in their own homes and find their
mailboxes and dormitory hallways
stuffed with papers and people at
tempting to parlay votes.
It’s the time of year when the fra
ternities and sororities begin to choose
sides — not based on platform issues
or political credibility, but on whether
the candidate is in a popular house.
Or whether people in their own houses
arc running with a certain party. Or if
association with a winning election
group will launch them into the hier
archy of the greck system, the cream
of the crop, or, as the sub rosa mem
bers prefer to call themselves, the
“royalty” among mediocrity.
Indeed, the student elections arc
upon us. Because I am a one-time
victim of the “electoral process,” I
have taken this opportunity to give
some pointers on what to look for and
how to interpret the goings-on during
this time of cheese whiz and equivo
cation.
This year we have not one, but two
grcck parties going head-to-head in
“Greek Popularity Election ’92,” so
named because it’s a foregone con
clusion that there isn’t a prayer in
heaven a non-greek student election
group will win anything.
But having two grcck parties on
the ballot makes for an extremely
steamy and interesting situation within
the grcck system. Suddenly there is
chaos. No one will be sure which
party to “endorse.” There will be heated
meetings, possibly even fights, and
the entire unification of the grcck
system will summarily become
“ununified.”
Note: This can work in the favor of
any non-greek election group, be
cause the vast majority of the elec
toral vote (the grccks) will now be
split. If you can gel one or two non
greek students out of bed on election
day, you might just have a chance at
winn ing a senate scat or two—maybe
even a couple advisory board posi
tions, if you’re lucky. Here’s your
chance to defy history!
The two grcck parties are called
“COMMIT” and “ACTION.”
COMMIT is headed by Andy Si
gerson, the former campaign man
ager of the victorious UNITY parly
This year we have
not one. but two
greek parties going
head-to-head in
“Greek Popularity
Election ’92.” so
named because it’s a
foregone conclusion
that (here isn’t a
prayer in heaven a
non-greek student
election group will
win anything.
from last year. Look for some cheesy
politics from COMMIT.
ACTION is headed by Alyssa
Williams, a prominent member of a
prominent grcck sorority. Williams is
known for her debating and leader
ship skills within prominent greek
circles.
If what you arc reading is giving
you flashbacks to scenes from the
“Godfather,” you aren’t that far off
the mark.
There is a rule within the grcck
political stomping grounds that one
should create a “puppet party” along
with the “legitimate” party, so that
the puppet parly can do all of the dirty
campaign work for the “legitimate”
party.
Look for students being so naive
and uninterested that the legitimate
parly and puppet party can even run
out of the same fraternity without
question. Docs the UNITY/HORIZN
conspiracy ring a bell?
However, before the puppet party
can be put to good use, the legitimate
party first must find some mud that
the “angry and rebellious” puppet party
can fling at its adversary.
Dirty laundry, mud, slander —
whatever you want to call it, it’s one
of the mandatory ingredients for any
student election. No matter how stu
pid a party may look, no matter how
stupid and uninformed the members
may sound, if it’s got dirt — even
stupid dirt — it’s got a victory in the
bag.
Dirty laundry for student election
groups is like insurance on a plane —
no matter how hard they crash and
bum in debate or campaigning, dirty
laundry on the other party will have
them flying high in the public eye in
no lime at all.
Also mandatory in ASUN elec
tions are the prefabricated platforms
created by election groups to defend
during the election and summarily
toss into the waste can the minute
they arc elected (If you are interested
in running in the election this year, I
heard that Kinko’s is selling copies of
some Prefab Platforms downtown).
These platforms will be choked
with the usual rhetoric: the despi
cable parking problem, the despicable
racial problem, the despicable apathy
problem. This will be old hat for
anyone half-involved on campus, so
excepting about 25 students and the
staff at the Daily Nebraskan, this
platform should sound innovative and
new to everyone.
You might also get the idea of a
“president’s breakfast” or two thrown
in, where a student election group
will vow to unite all of UNL’sstudcnt
activity organizations over Egg
McMuffins and coffee. This will be
the second vice president’s reason for
running. The past has proven this to
be a truly monumental idea that will
ensure victory.
Be prepared to see signs posted
just about everywhere a staple will
penetrate. “Vole COMMIT” and “Vote
ACTION” signs will stare at you at
every turn. You will begin to have
nightmares of black-and-yellow
ACTION signs chasing you to class
screaming, “I’m Legit! Vote for me!
Vote for me!”
You will wake up in a cold sweat,
go to the bathroom and, like a scene
from “Flalliners,” you will be horri
fied to find hundreds of COMMIT
and ACTION signs hanging all over
your bathroom. Coincidence? I don’t
think so!
Good luck, fellow students, and
fare well. Surviving a student elec
tion is like surviving in the Amazon
with only a machete and a can of
mosquito repellent. Luckily, the stu
dent elections arc only a few weeks
away, so the nightmares should sub
side by spring break.
One last note: You can do one
thing to make the harassmcnls and
railroading of this year's studcntclcc
tions al I worthwhile. On election day,
cash in on the candy. You should be
able to load up on enough to last you
until Halloween. Then make a point
of not votingT
Halligan is a junior political science ma
jor and a Daily Nebraskan columnist.
Americans reluctant to help sick criminals
I’m writing m response to the Alan
Phelps article concerning Jeffrey
Dahmer and his ease (“Jury’s finding
lacks sanity,’’ DN, Feb. 17). I agree
that the jury members must have come
up with a logical explanation for
Dahmer’s actions that most of us
overlooked.
Anyone who could believe that
Jeffrey Dahmer was or is sane obvi
ously doesn’t know the difference
between insane and sane. And I be
lieve this may have been the ease.
These were average Americans on
the jury, which in all due respect
would lead one to conclude that none
of the jury members were certified
psychologists or psychiatrists. Even
so, we must trust that these jurors
practice good judgment when given
information. Unfortunately, when they
were given the facts by professionals
(Dahmer was/is “sick”) they chose to
ignore it. The question is, “Was it
right?”
These were average American
citizens* average citizens who arc
engulfed in a society that believes in
revenge. I believe that accusation was
proven when the verdict was read.
The jury had heard various testimo
nies by psychologists, and it still as
sumed its unforgiving position.
This is when I no longer may wonder
if the society I live in seems very
selfish. This ease was treated unfairly
and truly American. Americans think
the best thing to do when a ease like
this comes along is to throw the crimi
nal in a cell to rot. Arc we loo ignorant
lo see that this neither solves any
problems of the individual nor our
sociely?
Jeffrey Dahmer could be taken to a
hospital and thoroughly examined,
where we could possibly learn what
caused his outburst of destruction.
Maybe we could learn something that
could better the American people and
their society, but then God forbid we
learn something from a “sick”crimi
nal. At least that seems to be the
attitude in this ease. Or maybe it’s
just the lack of compassion for a
human being, whether sane or insane.
In either ease, I truly hope that there
may someday be a change in this
selfish and unforgiving society.
Brandy Shull/,
freshman
psychology
Dahmer would not benefit from rehabilitation
In regard to the column about Jef
frey Dahmer (“Jury’s finding lacks
sanity,” DN, Feb. 17), I must say that
I am more surprised by the altitudes
of the DN than ever. How on earth
can you possibly think that Dahmer
could be rehabilitated? Much less be
allowed back out on the streets of the
nation?
People say that the death penalty is
no good as a deterrent. Even more
people find that rehabilitation is fruit
less and only a waste of money as the
criminals repeal their acts more often
than not. Remember Wi I lie Horton or
the murder that happened in Omaha
when a man released on probation
committed murder again.
Dahmer cannot be reformed be
cause what he did was something that
he liked to do. You can pour as much
therapy down his throat as you like,
but you have to realize that there will
always be that desire in him to repeat
what he did, to have some kind of
intimate union with another person.
What will he do then? Will he remain
good, or will he eventually revert to
his old ways? The money, more often
than not, is a repeal of pasl crimes.
When the death penally was re
pealed by the Supreme Court, many
members of death row in Caliiomia
were released. Eighty percent were
returned behind bars for new crimes,
many of which were murder.
This is not the Star Trek society or
a Utopian society. Nor can we afford
to give to those who have committed
serious crimes when the innocent go
without jobs, food, shelter or educa
tion. For now, the murderers and
hardened criminals will simply have
to suffer.
Jason A. Bcinckc
junior
English
NAVAL ROTC
\
NURSING SCHOLARSHIPS READILY
AVAILABLE TO QUALIFIED APPLICANTS
Contact LT Osmundsen at
472-2475
YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF
TO FIND OUT
Are You Late?
• Free pregnancy testing Woiiien S
• Options counseling Medical Center
• Abortion procedures Gf Nebraska
to 20 weeks 4930 "L" Street
• Routine Gyn care Omaha, NE68117
• Student discounts (402) 734-7500
• Visa, Mastercard Toll free (800) 877-6337
i For Your Eyes Only.
Don’t Miss uling Optical's
Annual Think Show
► You'll want to see this one. It's our exclusive trunk
show of over 2,500 designer frames!
► Representatives will be here from Avant Garde,
BerOel, Mirari and Valentino alona with specially
k. featured world-renowned Italian designer frames.
And of course well have refreshments, and you'll
p have the chance to register for a free pair of
► eyeglasses to be given away, no purchase
necessary. Value to $200.
Looking For The Perfect Frames For You?
Stop in at
Duong Optical
East Park Plaza
Thursday, February 20
11 a.m. - 7 P.M.
Free Eyeglasses
With Eyeglass
Purchase
Eye exam not included Free frame of equal or less value up to $100 and same lens prescnption
P'astic lenses only Bifocals and coatings extra No other discounts or third-party plans apply See
participating locations for complete details
"Well Change The Way You Look At Life" .
Duling Optical j
East Park Plaza • 466-1924
3923 South 48th Street • 488-3106 4