Opinion
Jana Pedersen, Editor, 472-1766
Alan Phelps, Opinion Page Editor
Kara Wells, Managing Editor
Roger Price, Wire Editor
Wendy Navratil, Copy Desk Chief
Brian Shellito, Cartoonist ^
Jeremy Fitzpatrick, Senior Reporter
They ’ re watching
Proposed bill brings back Big Brother
Last semester’s squabbles should have been a warning: Big
Brother is watching UNL.
A bill introduced this week by Sen. Ron Withem of
Papilion shows that Nebraska legislators were more serious than
curious when questioning university procedures in the fall.
After one professor’s travel expenses were called into question,
senators embarked on a study of faculty workloads to determine
how professors spend their time and, among other items, their
travel reimbursement money.
At issue is the role and mission of the university. Because UNL
is a land-grant institution, its research and service roles must be
balanced with its teaching role.
Evidently, that’s not apparent to some senators.
When Withem spoke about the workload study in December,
he seemed to agree.
“Frankly, some senators have a ‘punch-the-time-clock’ sort of
mentality,” he said.. .... —:---.— -:__
Now, LB 1044, which Withem introduced this week, proposes
to make the time-clock mentality state law. The bill would require
professors at all Nebraska colleges and universities to teach six
prprlit hoi 1 ix a u/ppt
While that may not seem a particularly heavy load, it could
place exceptional demands on faculty members whose work is
focused on research or service.
It also seems a bit premature.
The faculty workload study won’t be finished until March. If
the study shows unjustifiable amounts of faculty time spent on
research, the problem should be addressed at the university, not
state, level. Only if such efforts are ineffectual should legislation
even be considered.
Another tidbit in the Withem bill hints at deeper motivations
behind the workload study: One provision states, “All students are
entitled to access to instruction offered by faculty . . . who are
fluent in the English language,”
While the bill’s provision carries no means of enforcement, it
does carry an eerie specter of last year’s unsuccessful fluency bill,
which would have required the state to develop an English fluency
test for all college instructors, including graduate teaching assis
tants.
Last year’s fluency bill drew an emotionarresponse from
foreign graduate teaching assistants and other UNL faculty members
who were outraged by the apparent lack of concern for cultural
diversity.
But when English fluency showed up last fall as an item to be
examined in the workload study, UNL should have been fore
warned.
Old squabbles die hard..
—JLP.
Shared ignorance of majority
fatally flawed rationalization
Well, it was d6j<» vu all over again
for me as 1 read painfully through
Brian Allen’s sincere defense of ban
ning homosexuals from military serv
ice (“ROTC homosexual ban justi
fied,” DN, Jan. 14).
You just don’t get it, do you, Brian?
What would you think if the Univer
sity of Nebraska-Lincoln’s adiu.ni
stration decided tomorrow to expel
an entire group of students on an
academically irrelevant basis (let’s
say People Named Brian, for argu
ment’s sake)? Let’s say further that
all these PNB’s are good students,
mind their own business and just want
to gel their degree and move on. But
the 90 percent of us who are not
named Brian, the non-Brian major
ity, don’t like your type around here.
For as you know, PNBs tend to stare
at others in the restroom, and they
can’t be trusted around small chil
dren. So, I’m sorry Brian, but you’ll
have to pack up all your mechanical
engineering texts and catch the next
bus back to Hooterville. You under
stand, don’t you? After all, I wouldn’t
exactly call the right to a college
education “inalienable.”
That was quick, wasn’t it, Brian?
one paragrapn ana you re nmoi
Sure, maybe you’ve dreamed abo
being a mechanical engineer ever sir*
you got that first slide rule in gra<
school. And now you’ll end up plov
ing quarter-sections like your dj
instead. But it’s all for the best, don
you see? You PNBs are kind of lil
those people in wheelchairs wi
twisted, atrophied limbs — we noi
Brians feel uncomfortable when you’
in the room and therefore we’ll ji
make this room off-limits to all
your kind.
I hope you understand someda
Brian, how much pain your ignoram
and hate and the ignorance and ha
of all the other Brians in your Am
National Guard company and in yo
straight-white-male world cause
lesbians, gays, women and oth
oppressed persons. You argue th
the shared ignorance of the majori
justifies its repression of the mine
ity, and then you wonder if you’ll I
called a Nazi because of your belie!
Well, if the shoe fits...
Chris Vetii
seni
Engli
. EDITORIAL POLICY
Signed staff editorials represent
the official policy of the Fall 1991
Daily Nebraskan. Policy is set by the
Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board. Its
members are: Jana Pedersen, editor,
Alan Phelps, opinion page editor;
Kara Wells, managing editor; Roger
Price, wire editor; Wendy Navratrl,
copy desk chief; Brian Shellito, car
toonist; Jeremy Fitzpatrick, senior
reporter.
The Daily Nebraskan’spublishe
are the regents, who established tl
UNL Publications Board to supc
vise the daily production of the p
per.
According to policy set by the r
gents, responsibility for the editori
content of the newspaper lies sole
in the hands of its students.
PAULSOUDERS
Psychic predicts a zany 1992
The Bouncing Baby New Year
has arrived, and before we’re
forced lo change the diapers, I
think now would be an excellent time
to look to the year ahead. Hence, I
present one of the true staples of lazy
journalism: Predictions for the Year
Ahead.
In true supermarket tabloid style, I
have contacted my personal psychic,
Madame Swami Huxtra, and below
you’ll find her month-by-month 1992
predictions for the University of
Nebraska-Lincoln, Nebraska, Presi
dent George Bush — especially George
Bush — and the world at large.
• January: In a sensational and
highly publicized end-of-the-month
trial featuring gratuitously graphic
descriptions of mutilation and dis
J memberment, confessed Milwaukee
killer Jeffrey Dahmer is found guilty
of 15 counts of murder, claiming
insanity. A simple, two-word state
ment is issued with the verdict: “Well,
DUH.”
y- • February: Presidential hopeful
it Sen. Bob Kerrey foils all his election
£ chances when at a gala luncheon he
lc tells an off-color joke about an eld
<- erly disabled Hispanic Texan, thus
‘d alienating four enormous potential
1 voting blocks.
:e No one quite knows what the joke
Lh itself is, but the punchline is reputed
to be: “I do that too. Does that make
rc me an elderly disabled Hispanic
st Texan?”
^ • March: A second trade delega
tion to the Far East attempts a new
y» ploy to win Japanese consumer con
:c cessions, alternately dropping to its
le knees to beg, “Please, Mighty Asian
»y Industrial Giants, buy our big, ugly
jr cars,” and pointing accusing fingers
10 at the Japanese, saying, “Yeah, well,
er if you DON’T buy our cars, we won’t
at buy your stupid rice.”
ty The stalled talks end as Chrysler
r_ CEO Lee lacocca storms out, shout
?® ing, “I’m going home, and I’m taking
s* my ball with me!”
• April: UNL becomes the center
of world attention as contact with
extraterrestrial beings takes place in
the Willa Cather Native Grasses
5h Garden. The mysterious aliens, ap
mr parently coming from a planet domi
nated by non-Euclidian geometry,
reveal themselves as the secret archi
rs
IP --- _
After only Omr
hours at. heated, debate.
the Mideast delegates
agree that spaghetti is
being served far too
often at the talks, and
the group decides to
deliberate in six
months an mare suit
able entrees,
tecis of Love Library. Amid an up
roar of student complaints, the aliens
insist that in the fifth dimension the
building really DOES make sense.
• May: UNL Chancellor Graham
Spanier, after months of sweeping
structural changes to student and
faculty organizations, unveils his bold
new plan for the university. He pro
poses to annex Poland, the Sudeten
land, the Rhineland and Cass County.
Critics warn of the dangers of becom
ing bogged down in a land war in
Central Europe, but the chancellor
insists that “the Sudeten land is al
ready part of UNL, historically."
• June: Mideasl peace talks res
ume promisingly after months of
procedural deadlock. The highly di
visive Sealing Arrangement issue is
settled as the Palestinean delegation
agrees to trade places with the Syrian
delegation every alternate meeting,
with the condition that Yitzhak Sha
mir promises to quit throwing spilballs.
After only four hours of heated
debate, the Mideast delegates agree
that spaghetti is being served far too
often at the talks, and the group de
cides to deliberate in six months on
more suitable entrees.
Secretary of State James Baker
hails the compromise as a “break
through into a new era of people here
maybe behaving more sensibly.”
• July: Gov. Ben Nelson wants
Nebraska declared a Federal Disaster
Area after crops and property are
devastated by hailstones “the size of
big dogs.”
• August: The Daily Nebraskan
offices are gutted by fire in what turns
out to be a failed attempt to generate
news. In the paper’s defense, the edi
tor of the DN says, “August is a pretty
slow news month. Nothing ever hap
pens in August.”
• September; Fall semester drop/
add flows smoothly and quickly, with
the majority of students getting most
of their requested classes. Then you
wake up.
• October: Owing to inclement
weather, Halloween is not only post
poned this year, but actually called
off. In a public press release, Mom is
quoted as saying, “You’re too old tor
trick-or-treating, anyway.”
• November: Scant hours before
polls open on the third, President Bush
declares war on a tiny and unpopular
third-world dictatorship. Critics
broadly denounce the action, point
ing to Bush’s poor track record on
domestic and economic issues.
Bush issues a formal statement,
saying, “Economy? hell! Who needs
an economy when we can whoop ass
like this?!’’
The war ends 93 minutes after it
begins — just enough time to spawn
commemorative collector’s plates —
and Bush defeats Democratic nomi
nee Whatshisface in 49 states.
• December: Two words throw
the nation into a bad, year-end panic:
“President Quayle.”
Of course, Madame Swami H uxtra
has been known to be wrong from
time-to-lime. In ’84 she declared
firmly, “This Mondale guy’s a shoe*
in for the Oval Office.” But I still
have — as do the majority of Ameri
cans — complete faith in the exag
gerated claims of self-important hus
tiers of the paranormal, and Madame
Swami Huxtra is one of the finest.
Souders is • junior English m^jor and *
Dally Nebraskan columnist.
LETTER POLICY
a_ The Daily Nebraskan welcomes
brief letters to the editor from all
e_ readers and interested others.
al Letters will be selected for publi
ly cation on the basis of clarity, origi
nality, timeliness and space avail
able. The Daily Nebraskan retains
the right to edit or reject afl material
submitted.
Anonymous submissions will not
be considered for publication. Let
ters should include the author’s
«*■
name, year in school, major and
S affiliation, if any. Requests to
old names will not be granted.
Submit material to the
braskan, 34 Nebraska Union, 140U K
St., Lincoln, Neb. 68588-0448.