Everyone, especially world leaders, should sleep more
I’d rather be sleeping. Obliga
tions are obligations, but I’d still
rather be sleeping.
That is, except for minor details
— I’m not the least bit sleepy, for
example. When I can’t sleep, I rate
the importance of a life event by a
choice between experience and
sleep. Even if I’m not tired, if I’d
rather be asleep than do a given
thing, I skip it.
Gary
Longsirte
Saturday night, 10:00 p.m. The
phone rings.
“Hey Gare, let’s go to a trendy
nightclub with strobe lights, all
percussion music, and dozens of
women that might be good look
ing under all the make-up but
wouldn’t talk to you if they needed
cab fare to get to their liver trans
plant operation and you flashed a
50 at the bar.”
“Uh, no thanks. I’m kind of tired.”
OK, I lied. I tried to sleep, but I
ended up doing homework instead.
Nearly two hours later, 12:56
a.m.
“Hey Gare, you up for last call at
your favorite downtown pub, where
the bartender knows you like a
lemon twist in your vodka sour, the
jukebox has blues, and the Christ
mas decorations are more fun than
an acid trip?”
“Damn strait, I’m up. Let’s go.”
1:15 a.m.
“Hey Gare, we’re having a party
at Somenumber Letter Street. Wanna
come?”
“And stand around with a
hundred and fifty drunken zom
bies in a drafty house with wooden
floors while they spill beer on me
on their way from the keg to the
living room in a last-ditch and futile
attempt to find someone to sleep
with ‘cause they left the bar alone?”
“Yeah, same as every weekend.
Wha-da-ya say, Gare?”
“Nah, I think I’ll go home, I’m
pretty tired.”
1:20 a.m.
“Hey Gare! We’re having a jam
session, go in the alley and up the
stairs inside. Bring an instrument if
you play, sing if you want, or just
hang out."
“Sounds like fun. I’ll be there.”
So I leaned back and let the
vodka wear off slowly, listening to
good local renditions of Jane’s
Addiction, Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix
and Pink Floyd tunes.
It occurs to me that world lead
ers should try the sleep test before
making decisions of world histori
cal significance.
Mikhail Gorbachev probably
should sleep rather than attend his
next meeting with Boris Yeltsin.
Yeltsin is just going to bounce his
political weight right off Gorby’s
bald head and gloat in the Ukraine’s
newly declared independence.
The death throes of the Soviet
Union will happen regardless of
whether Gorbachev exposes him
self to further public humiliation.
He should take a nap, instead.
We should all sleep through it,
too. None of us really want to wake
up to a world with a dozen or so
nuclear armed, warring countries.
Since I can’t sleep more than about
10 hours at a time, I might wake up
to such a world soon.
The death throes of the
Soviet Union will happen
regardless of whether
Gorbachev exposes him
self tofurther public hu
miliation He should take
a nap, instead.
George Bush should sleep
through the next session of Con
gress. He doesn’t do anything
constructive anyway, and serves
mostly to stir up finger pointing
and mud-slinging about the econ
omy. If he slept as much as he
golfs, we would be better off.
Dan Quayle might consider
napping whenever he gets the urge
to say anything in public. As long
as we only hear about him second
hand he’s not a humiliating re
minder of his existence.
If we never heard from him first
hand, he might not seem too bad
“What a mind it is, to lose one’
waste. Napping, I think one migh
mind one’s lost; How true that is.
Local leaders could lead the way
trimming the fat from their bus1
schedules by napping when sleej
is judged more important that
meddling in local events.
Gov. Ben Nelson should take;
nap instead of, well, whatever h<
does.
UNLChancellor Graham Spanie
might be more popular with the
student body if he would saw a fev
extra logs and skip the graduatioi
ceremony. Students and their sup
porters all will be happier to see the
tedious event shortened by a fev
minutes that would otherwise be
devoted to another string of hype
The parties could start sooner, too
I’m outta here. I gotta get some]
rest.
Longsine is a senior international
affairs and economics major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
Economics,
nagging mom
come to life
in nightmare
Sunday, Dec. 1, early evening, I
really need to call my Diversions
editor about a paper assignment
for our Shakespeare class, but I
know what will happen when 1 do
"OK, Bryan, I’ll write for the
*@%# section this week."
I guess I blew him off two weeks
ago when he needed a story, so I,
have to come through with some-)
thing.
—
Carter
Van Pelt
Sleep. What the hell do I knovJ
about sleep, anyway? I like it 1 lik J
lots of it. And I hope I can get somtl
while I’m stressing out over com-1
ing up with a topic on which to
write.
Sunday evening, 11:55 p m. Bed
lime. Maybe something will come
to me .. . Gee, those Yes albums 1
bought the other day are really
great. What incredible musicians..
. When am 1 going to get that
Shakespeare paper done?. . . Do 1
have an economics exam coming
up?.. . When am 1 going to get my
Chilosophy paper done?. . . 1 can’t
elieve I taped over "A Christmas
Carol" and “The Grinch” with Liv
ingColour... That final broadcast
ing project is due in a week, 1 have
got to talk to Professor Hugly about
an interview. I hope he agrees tc
do it.. . zzzzzzzz
"Hi, Professor Hugly, I’m work
ing on my final broadcasting proj
ect of the semester. It’s about rec
ords and stuff, um, uh, do yot
See VAN PELT on 13
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