Stock
Continued from Page 6
their clothes at the door. Further
more, there is a door to the bath
room that closes and latches, al
though it does not lock. It is pos
sible to hold it closed with your
feet if you take your time to sit
down.
You know, with all of this prepa
ration for moving, I’ve completely
lost interest in catching a glimpse
of my mother.
I still wonder if they ever knew
why Grover was always my favor
ite, though.
Stock is a senior English major, a
Dally Nebraskan arts and entertainment
staff reporter and a columnist.
1992 BSN
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Longsine
Continued from Page 6
valuable than female nudity.
Here in Lincoln, land of the
liberal free Yuppie, nudity even
has its enemies. A few years ago,
there was a campaign to wipe
pornography from the city. It was
pretty successful, too.
Store owners, intimidated by
claims of thousands of supporters,
pulled Playboy and Penthouse from
their shelves. I buy my gasoline at
Gas ‘N Shop, simply because they
had the guts to stand up to this
fanatical fringe and still carry soft
core magazines.
Sometime in the last decade or
so, someone placed cement clothes
on some cement nudes on the
south side of a building that faces
our state Capitol’s north steps.
I suppose someone was worried
about the hundreds of school chil
dren who tour the Capitol every
year and get off the bus across the
street.
Or perhaps somebody noticed
that all the slate senators on the
north side of the Capitol had bin
oculars while those on the south
side did not.
The city has even been made
safe from the evil of animal statue
nudity. If you get the chance, go to
Pioneers Park, and check out the
bronze buffalo that stands, emas
culated, at the entrance to the park.
This once proud buffalo was a
commissioned work of art. As a
lifelike depiction of a buffalo in
bronze, it was endowed by its crea
tor with certain alienable features,
one of which has been alienated.
Yes, the anatomically correct
buffalo had its buffalo-sized penis
removed in a humiliating ceremony.
T he buffalo was cordoned off, and
as anti-nudists — led by a local
Michael Weixel/DN
pol ilico—looked on, a blow-torch
was used to remove its male organ.
This once proud buf
falo was a commissioned
work of art As a lifelike
depiction of a buffalo in
bronzet it was endowed
by its creator with cer
tain alienable features,
one of which has been
alienated.
The anti-nudists had heard a
rumor about initiation rites involv
ing demonstrations of oral tech
nique on the bronze buffalo. They
decided that none of this city’s fine
youth would be humiliated in this
manner and took preventative
measures.
I know this seoms bizarre, but it
really happened. The buffalo still
has scars to prove that it has been
violated in a most puritanical way.
The real mystery is the current
whereabouts of the buffalo penis.
Rumor has it that the university
obtained it in a black-market deal
ing of some sort and is prepared to
trade it with the Apollo 009 capsule
for space artifacts.
I myself have no desire to be
nude in front of other people, lov
ers excepted of course. Some people,
though, don’t seem to be troubled
by it.
Take my friend's neighbor, for
example. She told me one day that
she called the police on her neigh
bor. He kept parading around in
front of a large picture window
with the lights on and his clothes
off.
“There arc kids in the neighbor
hood," she explained. “He is nice
lo look at, though."
I-ongsinc is a senior international
affairs and economics major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
