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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 31, 1991)
V _ Brian Shellito/DN Labels ridiculed in ‘The Dialogue of Cartercrates’ The following dialogue is be tween Socrates and Cartercrates of Lincolnilea. The site of the dia logue is unclear; it probably takes place outside some public place where people lditer about and act philosophical. SOCRATES: So, Cartercrates, what brings you to the union today, do you nave business here? CARTERCRATES: No, Socrates, I am simply passing the time. I just finished giving a presentation to Alcibiades here on the subject of music (1). m S: Really, Cartercrates, I have heard that you have great knowl edge in such matters, and I would like very much to rid myself of my ignorance. Alas, it would seem that I have arrived after the plant has found the bridge (2). C: Yes, Socrates, it is true that I have great knowledge of these things, and I would be happy to give you a presentation as well. S: Splendid, my dear Cartercrates, but I am not fond of presentations, as you know. Perhaps we could engage in a discussion, and you could save this presentation of yours for another day. C: Very well, my dear Socrates, ask me anything you wish. S: Thank you, Cartercrates, 1 will. I have heard talk of a thing called “alternative" music. Is this a thing with which you are familiar? C: Yes, of course. S: Tell me then, son of Samime ncs of Lincolnilea, what, exactly, is it? C: Is this all you want to know? Why Socrates, even an infant could tell you this. S: Well, Cartercrates, since there is no infant here, you’ll have to do. C: Really, Socrates, “alternative” music is the most virtuous and wonderful of all musical forms. S: Indeed, Cartercrates, you do answer much like an infant, but I don’t wish to hear your infantile praises of this kind of music. I wish for you to tell me what “alternative” music is, and if you would tell me also what it is an “alternative” to. C: Well, my friend, it is the music that is not heard on Top-40 radio, for it is an “alternative" to this kind of music. S: I see, so that would include the likes of Bob Marley, Branford Marsalis and Primus? C: No, not Bob Marley, nor Marsalis, but certainly Primus, for they are most “alternative.” S: Well, I hear none of those groups just mentioned on Top-40 radio, so how can this be, accord ing to what Cartercrates says? C: What I mean is the music which is non-commercial in na ture. That which is played on public radio stations. S: Indeed, isthiswhatyou mean’ Like Bach, Paginini and the like? C: No, not at all. I mean the college radio stations. S: Well, my friend, I wish you would say what you mean in the first place. So, “alternative" music is the music played on college radio stations — the ones run by the colleges? C: Yes, that is what it is, Socrates. S: Stations like KRNU? C: Yes, exactly. S: Didn’t KRNU start out by play ing what you call Top 40, and don’t many other such college-run sta tions, in fact, play many other so called "types" of music as well. C: Well, yes, perhaps I mean that “alternative” music is that which they play now on KRNU. Carter Van Pelt S: By the dog, Cartercrates! Is it or isn’t it? C: I say it is. S: So a band that is alternative is one like xMidnight Oil, Jane’s Ad diction, U2 or R.E.M., for they are played on KRNU. One that isn’t “alternative” would be one like Living Colour, Dead Kennedys, 999, Nick Cave, or The Sex Pistols, because they aren’t played on the station? C: OK, all of those are “alterna tive” bands, but it’s because they are not commercial that they areso, not because of KRNU. S: By the cat, Cartercrates, your statements do waggle about like the sick, festering Ionian in the vat of boiling lemonade (3). What are you now saying? Groups that are non-commercial are “alternative”? C: Yes, that is how it is. S: How marvelous, Cartercrates, this is the part of discussions I love the most. This is where my victims abandon their initial statements, and I use my vastly superior intel lect to set them up and chop them off at the knees like the old Persian who wore cylindrical boots (4). However, I assure you, my friend, that I am in this discussion to gain knowledge, and not to humiliate you in front of this rather large and influential crowd gathered here — the ones who are jeering you and throwing things. Pay no attention to them. To continue with the contes... discussion, groups like R.E.M., U2, and Jane’s Addiction are said by Cartercrates to be “alternative," so it follows that they are non-com mercial? C: Yes, that is how it is. S: By non-commercial, you mean that which lacks in commercial success? C: Yes. S: So, lacking in commercial success according to Cartercrates is selling several million copies of albums, and playing concerts in football stadiums? C: OK, Socrates, so those bands aren’t “alternative,” but commer cial, by my definition. By non commercial, I mean those that some people listen to, but not too many — not a horde of people. S: Excellent, Cartercrates, you now give me the opportunity to make you look foolish by using one of my favorite paradoxes. Suppose you have one person lis tening to a band and no more. Would this band be “alternative”? C: Yes, I say, for no horde listens to them. S: Suppose we add another person to this band’s group of fans — making two. Is this a horde? C: Certainly not. S: Suppose we continues this process. One by one we add fans. i i ——^ At what point do we have this horde of yours that makes a band “commercial” and not “alternative?” C: OK, Socrates, I don’t know what constitutes a horde. Maybe “alternative” is when you have a skinny butt, sideburns and Manch esterian accent. S: So those bands with fat butts like TAD . . . C: OK! OK! So I don’t know what it is Mr. Smarty-robes! You say you are ignorant in these matters, but you seem to know sooooo much. You tell me what kind of music you think "alternative” mu sic is. S: Very well, my young and humbled friend, I will tell you. I think it isn’t any kind of music at all. This forcing of words upon music is done in order to do something that is very dependent upon words — making money. / believe the same to be the case with all the so-called *types " of music. There are so many different artists, songs and sounds which utterly defy description that it is meaningless to cate gorize them. C: What? Ridiculous! S: I think not, oh dog-faced one. I think is not a kind of music, but a mere label, a tag, a handle. It is a mere name created by the music industry to describe something that can’t be described in words, namely music — which is itself a category of sounds whose meaning is un clear. This forcing of words upon music is done in order to do something that is very dependent upon words — making money. I believe the same to be the case with all the so called “types” of music. There are so many different artists, songs, and sounds which utterly defy description that it is meaningless to categorize them. People would be better and more virtuous if they merely concerned themselves with whether they gain pleasure and satisfaction from that to which they listen, instead of worrying about whether or not it is of one type or another. Only the industry benefits from this group labeling, and therefore I will have none of it, and neither will you, Cartercrates, if you are wise. By the way, Alcibiades, are you done taping my Butthole Surfers CD yet? (1) Alcibiades was an Athenian general and a friend of Socrates. (2) Socrates here is referring to the ob scure Greek poem of the plant searching for the bridge It is somewhat ak in to the modern phrase, “l guess I'm too late." 0) An even more obscure reference to a poorly groomed man from Iona who failed in the attempt of a party stunt. (4) We have no idea what the hell he means by this. Van Pelt is a junior broadcasting major and a Daily Nebraskan staff re porter. WE'RE FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE American Heart Association , WERE FIGHTING FOR VOURUFE American Heart Association Nebraska Affiliate 1 .■ - ... v* - “*3*a 9 S ! . [ Halloween has struck | l V /?«./(za J ' *»™2P '/^^KLDZK^p^rY! fahufcg A / 400'<°3Op'n 'Jtidmuscf / • f 100 bond fcr ' Cbor^LigW ^ ~7 te* Co6+ume i»*«*!pQk£r *00_ Mo" S/p^^-^NDRJVe^17^ f8$ TunnebTerrw w ^ oplm goppm- - close ■■ Lingerie Show Every Thursday . 9PM-Close 1823 'O'St. Home of Lincoln's Finest Dancers UNPREDICTABLE the broyhill chamber ensemble j-—-, Sunday, november 3 8 p.m. carson theater, 11th & ‘q’ premiere of two new works: Traveling West by Randall Snyder, Songs of Persuasion by Robert Chumbley guest artists: Peter Van Derrick, baritone Albert Rometo. percussion tickets on sale now! general: $ 10 students: $5 lied center box office • 474-4747 carson theater ventures it i 'Nivnumr < * NeMAKA iinhh n LIED CENTER FOR PERFORMING ARTS ued Center programming « supported by ^eno* of ued and grand from me Naffonoi fndaeffnen' for me Ard M o America Arti AAonce ond NeOromo An* Council Ai event* n me ued Center ore mode poaoe entirely or m pan by me ued Per*>rmonce Kjnd vmcn no* been etanreo m memory of imp F ued ond r** porent*. i m»t M and 'do 4 ued A*o von sored n port by 41PAC